Help for brother-in-law.

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My brother-in-law recently had major surgery and now has a feeding tube inserted in his abdomen. He is on a liquid diet which gives him severe diarrhea. He won't wear a depends, because he claims it makes him sweat. Needless to say, he is constantly pooping himself and making a mess. His wife has to clean it up, as he can't bend over, etc. Both him and his wife are in there 70's. Any suggestions on good quality products to use. He is very stubborn and hates wearing diapers. He is also a veteran. Does the VA. pay for diapers? Any help would be appreciated. I suggested a different diaper and plastic pants to contain the poop, but i was told ti mind my own business. He also thinks it's degrading for an adult to wear diapers. I told him i bedwet and use diapers and plastic pants for many years. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks for listening.

 

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I get it artier, that you want to help this unfortunate fellow. It sounds like he's really sore about this happening to him and will discount any advice from anyone. Sounds like he isn't ready for help. They could get advice from Medicare and the VA but I'd say back off and let them seek help when they get fed up with their present routine. You've done all you can.

 

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Basically what the guy above said. Yes the VA does supply diapers if they are needed. I get a supply from them when I absolutely need to, but in general their diapers they supply are atrocious. If he can still use the bathroom normally other than the diarrhea he might be alright with pull ups but they will need to be perfectly sized for him.

 

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I forgot to mention, he uses a rollator to get around which takes time to get to the bathroom.

 

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Agree with RITANKOFSINGER but if me, baby powder does the trick of getting rid of the hot feeling. This might be one battle that you cannot win, and a war that you cannot fight in.

 

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You can't help someone who doesn't want help. You will need to wait him out until either he changes his mind or his wife refused to clean up after him multiple times a day. You a good man to try and help him.

 

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Hi @artiejr, I agree with @ritanofsinger that in this instance it is better to just leave it alone. You have done the best you could but your brother-in-law seems like he isn't about to accept any help. The only one who can change his mind is your brother-in-law himself. He will have to make a decision on his own to get help. Just keep in touch with his wife to see how he is doing.

 

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We're in touch multiple times a day. Forgot one more thing. He goes to dialysis 3 times a week for about 5 hours each time. Don't know how he does it there, as you're in a chair the whole time. Brother in law is very stubborn. It's his way or the highway. His Wife is very patient with him.

 

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Your sister is the one who needs help if its your brother IN LAW.
He is mentally ill to expect her to clean him if he won't do ASIC self help with AT LEAST a diaper.
I am all for family loyalty but his treatment of her is very disturbing to me.
I doubt you can do anything more than try to be supportive of your sister getting some distance from being treated as a doormat.
Sorry Artiejr.

 

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" He also thinks it's degrading for an adult to wear diapers."

But he thinks it's ok that his elderly wife has to clean up his mess?? Wow....

As far as VA, it depends. My neighbor was medically discharged, so the VA covers pretty much everything for him, including diapers. I had a regular honorable discharge, not medical, so I do not qualify for anything like that. Not that I mind - Vets with medical issues connected to their service SHOULD get treated properly by the government.

 

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My wife, his sister doesn't clean him up. His wife gets to do the job. He is about 72, and she is about 80. He is very stubborn about wearing any type of protection. We have offered suggestions to him, but falls on deaf ears. Nothing more we could do, just sympathize.

 

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I apologize if I mislead anybody.

 

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I agree with mike d9876 that the government should take care of ALL vets properly discharged. After all they served their country, let the country serve them.

 

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His wife should take a day off and let him sit is waste for a day. That might get him to change his mind.

 

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Sounds good, but both are neat freeks. It wouldn't fly. He is very demanding. Hopefully his doctors can get some sense into him. When he was in a nursing home, he wore depends all the time.

 

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what is he going to do other than yell?
it sounds like it is time for tough love.
If he keeps getting want he wants, why should he change his behavior?

 

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Hi @ artiejr and @miked9876, thank you for speaking up! The government should take care of all of us vets who have been honorably discharged and put in our time. We did serve the country, most of us volunteering to do so, and our nation should take care of us. After all we took care of them and went to extraordinary lengths to preserve our way of life. Would do it again if needed (with the exception of boot camp!)

 

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Not all VA Hospitals function in the same way. Some years even are better than others.

 

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Sorry in advance for this comment, but at work was you shit, you clean it up. Translation is you make a mistake, you fix it. If you needed help, I would help you fix the mistake, but I won't do it for you, unless you were physically unable to do so. A one time deal.

 

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@artiejr What if you were to source some cotton padded y front pants and put some pairs in his pants drawer. I think some have a waterproof liner built in the back of the pant to protect his trousers getting soiled. Might be worth a try and they look like pants rather than a diaper?

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