Having a tough time with this.

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Hello friends. I am newer here. 44 yo male I have essential tremors , anxiety, and incontinence. I have had enough accidents to accept I have to wear protection. But this is hard, I feel everyone can tell. I feel ashamed and embarrassed even though I am the only one aware. Any words of encouragement are welcome. Private messages are also welcome. Glad to have found a place where people might understand.

 

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It is a lifestyle isnt it. I'm sorry you are suffering.
On my best days I try to not dwell on the amount of time and effort to cope.
On other time I lean on forum for perspective

 

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A lot of us are in similar boats. It helps me to have a social worker/therapist to talk to. Friends and family would understand, but it's nice to have an outsider tell me how to better cope.

 

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Thank you MayMay

 

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I am actually starting therapy for other issues. Maybe I will bring it up. Thanks Kiwi

 

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It is a lifestyle isnt it. I'm sorry you are suffering.
On my best days I try to not dwell on the amount of time and effort to cope.
On other time I lean on forum for perspective

Thank you

 

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I would definitely bring it up. The more the therapist knows, the better. I actually also got a lot of "mental" therapy when I had pelvic floor therapy with my "physical" therapist. She sees patients all day who have incontinence issues so anything I told her she had seen hundreds or thousands of times before. She was encouraging about how it will get better, how to manage the leaking, and how to do little things like just going out to breakfast.

 

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Hang in there sir.You will find out stories on this forum as to what some people go thru , That can make you sit back and say I thought I had it bad.i am 57 yrs old had my prostate removed and never regained continence ,2 failed sling surgeries and just recent Artificial sphincter implant and now I am dry except I have a bad cold so I leak when I cough...it's hard I get it your young and it can be like wtfk WY me ...there is a reason for everything it may alter your life a bit until you can get to the fixing of it but it will never change you and who you are and the people ,family that love you already know if they new it wouldn't even matter ...stand tall and good lk

 

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I am 44 and been wearing different forms of protection for about 8 months. I started seeing a urologist on January, still going back every couple months for tests etc. They have helped my daytime issues quite a bit. Still working on the nighttime.
If you haven’t seen a Dr., defiantly do that, get a diagnosis and try some treatments.
The wearing protection part gets easier. I get more frustrated I have to wear a pad or plan for changing than worry about anyone noticing these days.

 

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@Mark0879
Mark, this is Dan, 88 years old, had prostate surgery in August 2008, 14+ years ago. The surgery damaged nerves in a way that normal healing is not expected to take place. I have concentrated on studying and perfecting ways of controlling the expected flow of urine. Also, what can we do about discouragement and depression? Did you have surgery or an accident that caused the incontinence?

You need a steady connection with a very good urologist who will study the most likely cause of your incontinence. Read everything that's been published on this website. Connect with the National Library of Medicine. (www.NLM.com) Type in: incontinence and read articles that interest you. NLM is the largest medical library in the world and is best accessed through your computer.

To begin controlling incontinence, go online to AMAZON, WALMART, or a similar place, and get a supply of maximum-capacity pads and pullup panties with liners built in. Pads and Pull-ups are the staples of controlling incontinence. BUT IN MY OPINION (based on 14 years of frustrating experience) pads and pull-ups are only the starting place until you can do better.

A better, more dependable system of controlling incontinence is the external catheter (condom catheter) in connection with a drain tube to a 19oz leg bag, mounted on the calf of the leg. (Some prefer to mount the bag on the thigh but I don't prefer that.) I suggest that you begin with the pads and pullups and as soon as possible, switch over to the condom catheter and 19oz leg bag. THIS IS NOT COMPLETE INFORMATION but will give you a birds-eye view of what to look for.

I am in the process of writing a more comprehensive article and will (here) post a link to the article when finished. I want my personal urologist to check the article and make suggestions before posting the article. (My urologist approached me about helping with the practical side of controlling the wet side of incontinence. He removed a large kidney stone for me.)

Meantime, read, make notes, experiment, and see what works best for you. Wishing you the best! There is a mental health side to this. If you are able to walk, try to walk 30 minutes a day with good, comfortable walking shoes. Walking is one of the best therapies for dealing with discouragement and depression.

 

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Mark, Let me add to Dan's good advice. I suggest to also purchase a Cunningham penile clamp. They are only about 40 dollars online. This clamp may take a little getting used to but it can be a life saver at times. It will give you instant dryness. By becoming efficient with all three of these "tools" you will find that your complete incontinence will not run your life or dominate your decision making day to day.
Also, I highly recommend the "Men's Liberty" external catheter to be used with a calf bag. I researched extensively and found this brand to be the best. Good luck. If you have any questions ask away.
Mark

 

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Absolutely do bring it up with therapist. He/she should be equipped to listen, sympathise, explain, whatever else is needed to make you feel ok about yourself and your problem, which after all is a medical one.

 

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Mark, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Its a condition affecting many people, both men and women. I have continuing incontinence following prostatectomy and my daughter has issues following childbirth and because of pregnancy with her second child. I have never kept my issue a secret and when people ask how I'm keeping I'm open and honest. I find people very understanding and accepting and mentally I found that much easier than trying to be secretive. Others above have offered various solutions. I am trying out a different clamp the Pacey Cuff at present but I wouldn't make any recommendations just yet. In addition to the many varieties of pad the suggestion of an external catheter is worth examining, particularly for longer days away or in circumstances where pad changing may be difficult. I use the Coloplast Conveen. I live in N Ireland and the UK branch were very good at sending samples of various sizes and gave advice on measuring for the appropriate size. If you find this works for you, you will most likely need a medical adhesive spray to get the conveen removed at night.

Emotionally, everyone on this forum understands the impact of incontinence. By all means go to a counsellor. I did for six sessions and it really helped me. I often use mindfulness in the morning or sometimes late at night before going to bed. There are some lovely videos on Youtube to guide you through a session. Keep a thankfulness journal and record the many blessings in your life even with incontinence. Take a determined attitude that incontinence is not going to prevent you from living s full and purposeful

 

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Hbrownlow has excellent points.
Staying physically active thankful and focusing on what we want to do for a full life,

 

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Thank you all for your comments and support. This is really nice.

 

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I am one of the lucky ones that have regained most of my control since my RP in September. Down to 1 light pad/per day. I am 57 and returned to work 8-9 weeks post surgery wearing a leg bag. I work in a hospital and am on my feet most of the day. After trying to hide it for a few days I decided to be open with my coworkers about my issues. I have a strange sense of humor so my way of dealing with this was to occasionally make jokes with my coworkers about my situation. It worked out well for me but I understand this is very difficult for some people to do. I will pray for help in your time of need.

 

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Like I said in my previous post. I used an external catheter with a leg bag for a while during work. I also used diapers, pads, and a clamp. I was heading in the direction of using the clamp more due to convenience before my incontinence improved.

 

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I am a 71 year old male who had bladder cancer removed two years ago. After this procedure I had several immunotherapy and chemotherapy treatments of my bladder and to this date I am cancer free. However, my bladder has been hurt by the surgery and the treatments and I have overactive bladder (OAB). The symptoms for this are very similar to having a urinary tract infection. Urgency and frequency when it comes to urinating. It took awhile to get adjusted to wearing "Depends" to avoid wetting my pants and myself, if I am not able to hold my urine. It was definitely a more difficult emotional adjustment than physical. The shame and embarrassment and sense of failure were hard for me to deal with. A therapist has been extremely helpful. I have found that this forum is a great place for support, for not feeling so alone with incontinence and for good ideas to help with the various issues regarding incontinence. It is good that you are here. Welcome!

 

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Jimfrompa. I seem to be in a similar situation to you. Until 7.00pm this evening I used a couple of light shields and leaked just 13mls even though I was on my feet a lot making a wildlife pond. I then used the external catheter and leg bag to go to my pipe band practice. Leakage 150ml. It is the constant pressure for two hours practice. On a day when there is no piping the leakage will be less than 20mls most days.

This a is a choice I have to make, retire from playing the pipes or continue and manage the situation.

I'm still pondering the possibility of the sling but while it might deal with the light leakage I'm not sure it would cope completely with the strain of piping

 

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Mark, I'm 62 (m) and urinary IC (combined dribble- and urge IC) - it came for me "out of the blue" after decades being fully continent.
There are a few keys which allow me to live a fully happy, active and social life nearly in the same way as I did before my IC started:

1. Doctor's visit. It was important for me to find out what's behind my IC, if there were serious damages behind which needed attention, if It could be somehow healed or cured, and so on. Luckily for me no cancer, prostate OK, in the end a mixture of aging and side effect of several meds I have to take permanent after a heart stroke some time ago. Shortly said, my IC cannot be healed completely, if I would accept the side effects I could take some additional meds to suppress the urges to a certain degree. Of course there are also some surgery options, but as I have no kind of pain with my IC or any other limitations, I decided to leave it as it is until I decide otherwise.

2. a very understanding and supportive wife. Right from the beginning of my IC I could share and discuss openly all my issues. She made clear - right at the beginning - that my IC (and the protection I started to use) did not change anything in our relationship and that I keep always the same to her, no matter which kind of underwear I select. And she didn't only say but also show to me in her whole behavior that it really didn't make any difference. So there is also absolutely no reason for embarrassment or shame for me!

3. choose the correct protection. Luckily after a period of trying out different kinds and brands of protection (diapers) I've found for me the products which fit exactly to my body, feel comfortable no matter if dry or wet, are discreet enough that nobody can tell with wearing appropriate clothing and which have enough absorbency that I need only one, maximum two changes over the day (my night diaper needs no change from evening to morning time). As I feel comfortable with wearing my protection, have no issues with any kind of skin irritation, I see no reason to try out condom catheters, clamps or other devices - but this for sure might differ from one person to another and everyone has to find his own preferences and the way how the IC is best to manage.

The most important thing is, not to struggle with but to accept your condition and manage it in the - for you - most comfortable way. There is no right or wrong, what works fine for me can be inappropriate for you and horrible for the next one and the other way round. Feel not embarrassed buying and using absorbent protection, there is no reason to be ashamed! Million of people have more or less continence issues, otherwise there would not exist such a wide range of products in every kind, size and absorption level as it is!