Hating my body yet grateful

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For a short time (very short) I got away with using pull ups. Id crawl to the bathroom and a lot of the time make it. A lot of times (especially in the morning) I wouldn’t. I can’t crawl anymore. My knee is shot. I live in a studio and can get to the kitchen but going the extra bit to the bathroom is just not possible. I’m back to wearing diapers 24/7. I have arthritis in my shoulders making it hard to diaper myself. I do it when I’m alone but when my aide is here I get help from her. I hate it. I hate that I lost my leg and can’t just get up and walk. I hate that I have a paralyzed neurogenic bladder from my fall.

But I’m grateful that I have numerous packs of betterdry in my closet and they work for me. I haven’t had a leak in a long time. I’m grateful that I was able to order some bed pads from Northshore today. Even though I don’t have a lot of leaks it’s best to be as protected as possible. And I can use them on the seat of my wheelchair.

So while things are far from perfect I’m trying to find some positives. Oh and my student loans got officially discharged today! Woo hoo!

 

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If you can't beat em join em so since you have a human body, might as well get on with the business of living in it as comfortably as possible and seeing things you ve grateful for is the best way to make the day bearable and even uplifted.
Good job EJ!

 

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I can associate with your frustration as I went into a wheelchair on Friday as I was having too many falls due to the tumour in my spine... now I’ve had to relearn diapering, transferring and basically all aspects of daily living.. I circle from frustration and that to being ok and calm... keep pushing...

 

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Well, EJ, that's the thing you've got to do !!! Find all the positives you can and go on from there!!! You probably know somebody who is a lot worse off than you are; in fact a lot of people are a lot worse off and you are hanging in there and doing the best you can! You will prevail! And like us all, we've got to just keep on keepin' on!!! And with no more student loans, then you're definitely making strides. As for me, tomorrow I finally get to pay off a five-year loan from the bank and to me it seems like a 500-year loan!! It seems like I was tearing out those damn payment coupons literally forever and taking them to the bank!! So let's burn those coupon and loan books!!!! Now does anybody have a light????

 

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Hey ej! Way to go!
I'd like to add that all pain is equal to whoever is experiencing it. I can share that as my body ages and I get more disabled, it is frustrating as hell. Not sure how many things I dropped or knocked over, so far today, but I made it home with 90% of my chores completed. The stores were out of a few things, but I got out & about, and in 55 degree weather. Yahoo! Don't get to town much, so it was nice to see and interact with people. There was the cutist girl (too young to be a woman) trying to learn how to fill out her new store's computer form. She had never heard of the "tab" function. Wow! Did that bring back memories of my first jobs, except I wasn't cute.
Boy, does it feel good to pay off the student loan. The mortgage. The car.
I used to take static because i keep a pickup truck for 20+ years. Them: "Why don't you get a new one?" (You fill in the insults.)
Me: When did you make a payment, last, and for how much?"
Them: 2 weeks ago and $xxx.xx dollars.
Me: The last payment I made was in 2001. That was my 1997 Ford F150(bought in 1999), which I currently still own with over 250,000 miles. Runs sweet.
Boy! Does saying that feel good! Bet paying off your student loans does too. Been there, done that, burned it at a party.
I do have a newer vehicle. There are two of us needing to drive, so making my first payments in how many years? (decades!)

The golden rule of The Math Of Joy:

Sorrow shared is divided,
Joy shared is multiplied.

You are great at multiplying!

 

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Paying off student loans does feel good I'm sure!!! And today I made the last payment on that five-year loan from the bank. It feels more like a 500 year loan. It seems I was making loan payments on the 4th of each month forever - and a day!!! And speaking of that, May the Fourth be with you!!!! Sorry! Just couldn't resist!!!!1

 

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Well I didn’t exactly pay them off. I had them discharged because my doctors deemed me permanently disabled. I get ssdi so there is no way I could ever pay them back.

 

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But they're gone, and you never have to worry about them again!

You're great at finding positives and reasons to be grateful. I need to take a page from your book and do more of that.

 

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Very well put Itapilot as I need to remember to take the same learnings justej does so beautifully and find the positives within the woh is me party which all of us internally have to tend to from time to time.

Thank you and we all need to remember positive thinking will heal negative will destroy.

Well said all!

Jason

 

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Thanks everyone! I’m not always good at the grateful thing but I do text a friend every night with 2 things I’m grateful for. And I’ve got some good friends who know I wear diapers and I can sometimes vent to them. I shared this post with one friend in particular and he said it really helped him understand my struggles and disabilities.