Guilt with incontinence

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I wrote a similar post on another support network, but thought I would get any thoughts here as well. At times I have a lot of guilt associated with my incontinence. I have had bladder control problems for most of my life, so why can't I get over this? Since my combined prostatectomy/diverticulotomy my issues haven't improved. I can have a series of dry days, then a bunch of wet days. No consistency. Sometimes I think maybe this is mental, or am I just lazy? I have worn some type of protection for many years...mostly diapers, but the guilt is still present. How do others solve these thoughts, or is it just part of the condition?

 

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Over the years, I learned to accept the fact that I have a medical problem that requires me to wear a diaper. Wearing a diaper to manage a bladder-control problem is in principle similar to wearing glasses because of vision problems or wearing a hearing aid because of hearing problems. Would you feel guilty about needing glasses or a hearing aid?

 

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@Damp in the months after my prostate and bladder surgery I did feel that the leaking was something I should be able to control and felt guilt when I couldn't. As time went by I came to realise that the only way to get on with life was to accept the leaking as something that isn't likely to improve, start wearing protection all the time and get on with things. My wife has to use hearing aids and I have to use absorbent underwear, many other people need help with some medical problem. I do still feel guilt sometimes when I don't try to get to a bathroom, but I have found out through experience that I won't get there in time anyway, so why worry. I only thing I still find difficult is disposing of the evidence while at work, cheers Phil

 

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When my wetting started my wife and I discussed the problem and agreed diapers were the way to go.There were a lot of guilt with it but having wet pants is worse.

 

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I agree that it feels like something I should be able to resolve. I’m always trying to think about what life choices I made that created this issue. Being that the Doctors aren’t exactly sure of the problem it opens up a lot of options. I feel guilt more toward telling my parents than my partner. As though ending up with a chronic condition before them is my fault.

 

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Learning to not beat ourselves up over a primitive trained behavior since we could lift a spoon to our mouths independently is very much a day to day effort.
Learning to extend the kindness we extend to others maybe by thinking of ones body as "other", treat it as if it was a sick friend we take care of

 

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No one chooses the condition they are suffering from. I can accept the medical part of it but the outcome is very shameful for me. I'm ashamed of my own body and that has effect on my relationship where i also feel guilty about.

 

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I didn't ask for my incontinence but I have it and I have learned how to live with it and I have nothing to feel guilty about

 

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Truer words were never spoken

 

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You are so right!

 

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I personally don't like having to wear pertection but I would rather someone to see my diaper or pull up than have a wet spot on my pants I have just come to the fact it is something that I can't control at times and the Dr don't know what is the cause of it.
Never had anyone ask why I have to wear a diaper or pull up and I sure many people have seen it at time

 

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You said it Garfield.

 

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Thanks it took about a year to realize it no different than putting on my glasses or putting in my teath each morning it's only what I need to do to get though the day and try to be as normal (if that's possible) life and make it though each day

 

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All, or most, of you seem to have adjusted fairly well to the need to wear diapers. I applaud your positive attitudes. I'm getting there, but I'm not sure if I will ever get to the point where I think I might be "outed". It's been a lot of years, and I still think people can tell if I'm wearing a diaper. My wife tells me it's not noticeable, and if anyone does they will not mention it...at least to me. As for accepting diapers like needing eye glasses, hearing aids, etc., I really can't put those conditions in the same category. I wear glasses, and never thought of them as a handicap. Being able to see, and peeing in your pants are on a different level. Again, I congratulate all those that have accepted their "new normal". Someday I hope to join you.

 

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Damp all kidding aside, it is truly a matter of adjusting on a day to day basis, yes, it is a difficult situation but i too hope to learn courage and grace.

 

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Hi Damp,
I like how you mentioned it’s a different category. I suppose it is. Just have to keep getting on with life on life’s terms. I sometimes wonder if they are noticeable too. Maybe we all have that thought at times? I don’t know. Just glad we don’t have to be home bound for leaking and certainly glad products are much better than the past.
Thanks for posting
Jim

 

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@Damp @jrpoorman hi there, I also wonder if people can tell what I'm wearing. My wife says that no one will notice. I have started to tuck my shirts into my trousers in case I bend over and show too much. I also wear dark trousers in case of small damp patches. Otherwise I try to carry on as usual. Cheers Phil

 

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Hi Phil,
Good to see you online. I do the darker pants and have to keep shorts tucked in at work. Funny how we pick up little tips like that over time I found the Gary pants as a coverup work pretty well for small damp spots and to keep rusting from noisy brief quieter.

Hope you are doing well. Taking break at work so have to run. Always busy in the IT world.
Have a great day!

 

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It bothered me at first but now I don't give any more thought to putting on a diaper then most people give to putting on a pair of socks

 

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Why in the world would you feel guilty about something you didn't ask for and have no control over it. Just get on with your life and use what ever will work for you t lead a normal life.