For the women: an incontinence learning experience

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i think we all have compassion for thise of us here who have severe and chronic issues so im a lightweight and dont publish my smaller issue often but...it used to make me a total hermit and depressed.
I have nocturnal incontinence and it has been pretty much just that except i can't SIT onto a toilet fast enough in the day sometimes causing a stream that can go any which way over the toilet bowl. Or go straight as i crouch. Causing many a wet trouser as my bladder seems to be visually stimulated by the mere sight of the toilet. So my pants sometimes are soaked.

****Should always carry a spare pair and a plastic bag everywhere i go. here's a trick my incontinent lady friends: but 2 pairs of same trousers so you can carry one and a plastic bag if you wet you clothes public. Carry wet wipes to refresh and always have a shirt or sweater to tie around your waist if need to hide a stain. Dark trousers are better than light colors!

I was in the garden center of Walmart on my birthday and kept ignoring the urge, until I couldn't.
I walked ALL THE WAY from the garden section of Walmart to the restroom dodging customers displays and a maze of closed registers to get to their restrooms snd its a LONG LONG walk when you are bursting.
I was so PROUD of my bladder until it SAW the actual toilet then all Hell broke loose and i managed to hit a big stream down my partially descended nice not dark beige capris.
So there i was.a big dark streak down my backside of one leg and not even a sweater to tie around my waist.
Whats a woman to do.
Straighten my back, remind myself its Walmart and not a boutique and waddle quickly to the car.
I should have been embarrassed but i was numb and no one looked at me twice.
And wow, i cant believe i held it all the mile long hike to the bathroom from the far end of the store. And if I go to a toilet too early the stream will often go down one leg like a meanspirted trickle so thats why I waited.

 

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Hugs, May! I understand!

 

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@may941 gosh I’m so sorry girl!

Way to just own it and walk out though. I’ve been there too and thank God I was numb during it

Thanks for sharing!

 

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I don't go out often as I'm paraplegic and cannot get myself to a bathroom easily. I use a bedpan at home, and can sometimes transfer to the toilet, but it's not easy and not fast! But I have resorted to wearing a diaper--sorry, brief-- when I do go out. I hate it, but it will save me embarrassment and a mess I can't really clean up easily. Wondering if some of these new extra-absorbent pads might help you make it to the potty in time? Meanwhile, when there's an accident, hold your head up and act like you spilled a soda!

 

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I feel for you May941

 

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Better to be safe than sorry. Wear protection whenever you go out.

 

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Been there-I am so proud of myself also until I see the toilet-I have read up on this and it is our brain-telling the bladder the toilet is here-go. However it is hard to retrain the brain but not impossible. I had so many accidents today I had 3. I tell myself I can hold it and guest what-I can't. I had my pants down and rather than leak I put my hand there which got wet where I put it into the sink and washed as soon as I could. I figured is easer to wash a wet hand then change my pants again at home. My heart goes out to you, been there so many times myself.

 

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BarbaraDrabek and May941 - It is so great that we are able to talk about these issues today.When I was younger even a little younger it was considered bad manners to mention anything that went on in the crotch! Once, the leader in a group of six women with whom I'd been meeting with weekly for ten years, asked us what things were changing for us as we had become Seniors. Boldly I said that it was getting harder for me to reach my butt hole. Three of the Christian women were aghast and since then have only spoken to me with reticence. Ah well. So much for being proper. It's comforting to know that people have some of the same challenges and I'm not alone in my "misery." LOL

 

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That's the real value of this forum. We meet others here and quickly learn we aren't alone with our particular challenges and no one here is shocked when we say we function (or malfunction) as humans. After all, none of us are cartoon characters with no bodily functions! If there is such a person then it would be a very interesting experience to meet said person!!!
And you weren't being crass when talking about it was "getting harder for me to reach my butt hole." It's a part of being human and a part of being a human who's growing older. Not everyone is lucky enough to be given the opportunity to grow a few decades older.
As for those three Christian women, I'm sure you know that holier than thou people like that don't have bodily functions and they don't possess the body parts that we mere mortal human beings have!! I've known for a long time there are people like that around!!!

 

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Large-building businesses like Wal-Mart, Home Depot, etc, are huge buildings, you seem to always need to go kitty-corner to get what you need, then the cash registers are not where you could park. The bathrooms consist of one location, often half-hidden. Since the Pandemic, Home Depot requires you to enter at one end, exit at the other = the full length of the store 3 times, since you exit and have to walk back to entrance where you had to leave car. Cash registers only at the exit end.
Not sure of the building codes, but 1 bathroom for a store of that size and amount of customers????
To add insult to injury, the local Home Depot removed the electric carts we handicapped used, even though their speed is so slow that you end up in the situation described by May914.
I asked; they mumbled something about there's a pandemic going on. I didn't know that. When did that happen?
Guess they couldn't spare an employee to wipe them down? To check that you have a mask when you need to enter at the "exit end" to avoid the extra lengths of the store?
I guess "incontinence" is not on the list for "handicap", so they can suspend the handicap requirements?
Rant number 1946.

 

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That's a good point AlasSouth. What are the required handicaps for the law? Maybe some compassionate legislator would opt for an amendment to the Handicap law.

 

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If you Google: "Who qualifies as an ADA disability?" you will find that you do. But the store restroom accessibility is an issue. I realize that having plumbing in two places might be a cost issue but like at Walmart where the restrooms are at the front of the store, the employees restroom is at the back so it looks to me like having another public restroom in the back shouldn't be a big problem. The store may be wanting to keep the employees "safe" from an intruding public but there are ways to handle that.

There's some studying needing to be done!

 

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Something else to rant about: I learned from an architect friend that under normal ADA compliance, parking spots for handicapped should be right outside the door of the commercial building. But Big Box Store apparently submit plans with HC Parking across the lanes for cars to drive because they use that space to display wares--plants and flowers, picnic tables and grills, etc., etc. But it is also allowed in shopping areas. Rant on!

Restrooms are also about security, unfortunately.

 

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Hi @Etowah, I didn't know that big box stores can submit plans to have their handicapped parking across the driving lanes so the stores can display their outdoor goods. Well that does attract customers and brings in the big bucks, but common sense and logic and just plain humanity should tell these outfits that the handicap parking should be right by the main doors of said stores. And with the way some of these Daytona 500 wannabes drive along the lanes between the parking spaces, it can be a disaster just waiting to happen!! So I agree with your rant!!!

 

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ADA compliance for a store in a strip mall isn't for "a" store, it's for all of them. The owners of the mall can put them anywhere in the line of stores. That's why there is one handicapped space for 7 stores - and the store you want can be the closest or the farthest away.

 

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Then there are places like New York City (at least, Manhattan) where public restrooms are harder to find than parking spaces. Lots of places just don't have one, or they close it for cleaning a couple of times a day, or it's out of order, or... Oh, yes, there is one unisex wheelchair-accessible facility, which is kept locked because they are afraid that people will use it to have assignations (you have to get a staff member to let you in.) My motto is: whether I have to or not, never pass up the opportunity to "pay a visit."

 

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Hi @Diana, that motto makes sense! Kind of like driving on an interstate highway and you see a sign that says restrooms 2 miles ahead. At that point, you may think, "Don't need to now......" But a little voice in your head says, "You better while you've got the chance."
If not, then a few miles later on, you will need to go and the next sign says, "Service plaza ahead, 65 miles." And then........!

 

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Diana: In our family it's called the Queen's Rule: ALWAYS go when there is an opportunity! I was told as a young girl that Queen Elizabeth had that as her rule when she was out in public! My mother might have been trying to convince me it was a good idea because the British Royalty followed it! My kids would always say, "But I don't have to go." "Go anyway," I'd tell them, "you might be surprised!"

 

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I'll go along with that, especially with the "you might be surprised!" part! And in so doing, you'd avoid a most unpleasant surprise!!!