Diapers

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Hi everyone,

I am new here. I have been battling undiagnosed IBS since I was 9. Yesterday, my stomach cramps got so bad I broke down and bought my first box of diapers. It was so awful having the attractive cashier ring them through.. When I got home, I went to put them on and I felt so embarrassed that I couldn't do it. My stomach doesn't hurt as bad today thankfully. Anyway, I'm glad I found this support group.

 

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The hardest part is probably admitting you have a problem. You probably should speak with your doctor just to ensure something else isn’t going on. And honestly don’t worry about people and what they think. It sucks to be in the position you are in but it could also be a lot worse. I have adapted to having to wear diapers on any day I have site meetings or long trips etc. The hassle of always worrying if I would make it to the bathroom just wasn’t worth it. It was a huge relief once I accepted the fact that I needed to wear diapers as they are like my glasses. As other people need glasses to see I need diapers to stay dry. Lol. And really no one has ever commented yet as I think most people are to caught up in their own lives they don’t really pay attention to anyone. It takes awhile to get over it when I initially started wearing diapers because I thought everyone was looking at me. But they weren’t it was just in my head. That took a while to get over but now I just don’t care. I just need to wear and will not apologize.

Not sure what diapers you were able to buy at your store but they are probably are depends which are honestly not that very good. I would suggest ordering on line for abena or confidry or even rearz as they are quite easy to acquire in Canada. another site to look into is healthwick or of course amazon as on amazon you can easily get abena even on subscribe and save. Lol at least that is what I do.

Welcome aboard here as this is an awesome resource with great people.

 

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Hi Brady; welcome!

The “undiagnosed” word in your posting concerns me. Bowel problems are often extremely serious and should definitely be properly diagnosed by a physician(s), particularly a gastrointestinal (GI) specialist. You could have a fatal virus or bacteria, or cancer. Basic bloodwork will go a long way for diagnosis.

As for wearing diapers, I definitely agree with Jwh51 that admitting to yourself that you may need them is the hardest part. It took me 3-4 years of significant depression and anxiety to cope with going out in public with my malfunctioning bladder. I pretty much stayed home for two years, except for medical appointments. I can no longer live in certain cities and states because they don’t require fast food restaurants / grocery stores / gas stations to allow the public to use their restrooms. Now I’m in boring Salt Lake City, chronically missing L.A., where I could use my three film degrees and worked as an Executive Director and Executive Producer. My bladder can’t risk getting caught in a 2+ hour-long traffic jam at least once a day.

So there are many tough consequences for having incontinence. BUT! Diapers are our friends! They’re big band-aids that help us continue to work, shop, dance, sit on a couch, eat at a restaurant (if they ever open again). Try to learn to love your diapers. Even just a couple of decades ago, people had to use newspapers in their beds, on their dining seats, etc. We’re blessed to have so many choices these days. We’re not blessed to be incontinent - but we’re blessed to have so many options for protection in our modern lifetimes.

I think you’ll find lots of great, helpful advice and support on this forum. Ask us anything! We’re not shy. Also, feel free to post a complaint; we’ll sympathize and listen.

I hope you have a day of less pain today.

 

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Hi Brady,
Welcome to this site! We all know how tough it is to admit we need to wear diapers, but as Snow said, "Diapers are our friends."

I have had Urge Incontinence and bedwetting for so many years. Of course I had to wear diapers for the bed wetting, but I just suffered through the daily URGES and trying desperately to find a bathroom.

During this Pandemic, I have decided to give in to my UI and just wear diapers 24/7. The stress relief was unbelievable! I take a daily walk, ride my bike 3 times a week and go about my day without worrying about having an accident. I LOVE my diapers!

 

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Thanks for the advice and support everyone! I recently lost 25 pounds since Christmas and this has been helping. I am going to go find a doctor as well. Thanks!

 

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I agree with the above. Admitting that I needed to wear them was a big hurdle. However, now I do not have to keep one eye out for restrooms and always be wondering, what will happen when I stand up at the end of the meeting. While not sexy or desirable, they are very helpful to me everyday. Just like my glasses....

Feel free to ask away here as many of us are just like you and have a bit of a head start on this topic. Find some good products for sure. Typical store finds are abrasive, light in capacity and generally horrible. Abena has a great line from light to heavy and actually live up to the standards.

 

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Hi Brady,
Glad you are here. I could lose 25 lbs more a couple times. Ha! Congratulations for that. It’s not easy for sure.
Like the above mentioned. Definitely get checked out by doc for the GI issues. Hang in there, diapers and pull-ups are just a different kind of underwear no biggie. Mare folks than you realize use them all the time.
Glad you are here!
Jim

 

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It would be a lot worse if diapers weren't available. That said, it must be bad to have this problem at your age. I'm 74 and recovering from prostate surgery, so I'm not as embarrassed about buying the needed supplies. Please make sure you've seen more than one doctor to find out specifically what your problem is. There's someone out there who has the solution. Don't give up!

 

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Hi everyone,

I am new here. I have been battling undiagnosed IBS since I was 9. Yesterday, my stomach cramps got so bad I broke down and bought my first box of diapers. It was so awful having the attractive cashier ring them through.. When I got home, I went to put them on and I felt so embarrassed that I couldn't do it. My stomach doesn't hurt as bad today thankfully. Anyway, I'm glad I found this support group.[/quote

Hi Brady
Another great resource I use here in Canada is age comfort.com they carry a huge selection of diapers, pull ups and pads and even offer samples in them. I ordered the vast majority of mine through this site and through Amazon.ca . And as others have said, you need to get the Drs determination of what’s going on and if necessary you need to accept them as a part of your clothing ... just as necessary as glasses, etc

 

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I can relate, a fellow IBS-er here!

I've had overflow and urge urinary incontinence issues as far back as I can remember but was always in denial about how bad they were and it was IBS which finally made me take the plunge and buy adult nappies. Following a rather embarrassing incident whilst staying in a hotel around two years ago I told myself if I got another bad flare up something had to be done. I inevitably had another really bad flare up about twelve months ago and I went to a store and bought some, looked at them, threw them away and thought I didn't need them and I was overreacting. Then, the following day, following another bad IBS flare up and some pretty bad urinary dribbling came to the sad conclusion that yes, yes I did need them.

All I can say is that it gets better. I was petrified at first but I think nothing of wearing them now and with baggy trousers, they're really discreet. It's also vastly improved my quality of life. I'm not crazily anxious about leakage after every time I use the toilet and there's no huge sense of panic if I'm somewhere without a toilet (an increasing occurrence these days due to the virus). I'm also not self-conscious about smells and I don't get through an insane amount of clothes every week.

With the IBS, I've found that changing my diet and getting rid of bread has drastically reduced my flare ups, although sleep and stress continue to be big triggers.

I can relate to the cashier story, I wasn't in a position to get supplies delivered when I started using them so would buy them in stores. The first time I bought some I was close to shaking with embarrassment but the cashier didn't care and whilst I mainly get them online now, the times since I've had to buy some in an emergency, no one has batted an eyelid. They probably don't even think they're for you.

I agree this place is brilliant though, it's helped me realise I'm not alone in having to use protection.

 

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Hi Brady and welcome! What a bunch of nice comments here! You have come to the right place indeed! While at first most of us tend to look on the downside of diapers and other protective garments, we have grown to really depend on them and welcome the fact that they do make things easier for us. Snow really gave you a nice welcome as well!I also like what she said about diapers being our friend. It does seem strange that not all that long ago people had to use newspapers to help with absorbency. And she's right - we have so many good choices for protection these days. I also agree that you need to go online to find the really better diapers and prot. underwear. Most of those companies have reps who will be happy to answer questions, make recommendations and will, upon request, send samples for you to try out. They may cost just a couple of bucks (I guess used for postage) but it's worth it find out how they fit. The store bought ones are okay, will do in a pinch, but they are not as good as the ones you get online. But please don't agonize over what cashiers are thinking. They just want to earn their money and the biggest thing on their mind is how quickly (or slowly) five o'clock will get here! They couldn't care less that "Joe Blow was at my cash register today and he bought a pack of adult diapers."
I hope you get to see a doctor and get a diagnosis soon. Do make sure the doctor is board-certified. Again, welcome, and please don't be a stranger here!

 

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When buying diapers in a store I try to calm myself down by thinking, “These are for my mom, not for me - that’s what the cashier will think!” Another option for privacy is to buy them from the pharmacist, to avoid a grocery cashier. I usually just bury mine in a big basket of other groceries and hope nobody thinks about it. What billiveshere said is so true - cashiers are engrossed in their own lives and work, and don’t notice what individual items people buy.

 

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Snow - definitely good advise. The other way is really own it. Find someone and ask them - how absorbent are these cause I am like Niagara some days! In the end, who cares what they think. My wife taught me this by relating some tampon/pad purchases from her early days vs later on! Women are way better at this stuff than us guys! The first time with her she was pointing asking me questions about do if I like this style or that, these look cute, what size are you. Felt like I was with my Mom and she was enjoying embarrassing me.... She jokes and has fun with the awkward way better than I.

Hope someone smiled!

 

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Yep, sure did thanks for the pick me up

 

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Thanks for all the comments everyone. I confided in my cousin just now (she's a nurse) about what's been going on and she said not to worry as she thinks it runs in our family. She is going to drive me to the doctors when I can make an appointment (difficult due to covid) I didn't mention the'd' word but out of the blue she asked if Id consider wearing protection and I said no. It's just to embarrassing as I used to babysit her when she was like 3. Oh well. I feel like I have a plan in place now at least. Have a goodnight everyone.

 

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Hang in the Brady, it gets easier to manage and deal with. Glad you reached out to your cousin. Good to have someone you can talk with and help.
Glad you are here among others who care also.

Jim

 

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When buying diapers in a store I try to calm myself down by thinking, “These are for my mom, not for me - that’s what the cashier will think!” Another option for privacy is to buy them from the pharmacist, to avoid a grocery cashier. I usually just bury mine in a big basket of other groceries and hope nobody thinks about it. What billiveshere said is so true - cashiers are engrossed in their own lives and work, and don’t notice what individual items people buy.

That's a good point actually. I would have picked up Goodnites for that reason if they fit!

 

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Brady, I agree that it does get easier as time goes along. I think your nurse cousin has your best interests at heart. You're lucky to have a medical person in the family, as it were! If wearing diapers seems intimidating at this point, then maybe you can consider protective underwear which pull on and off just like underwear. They are somewhat similar in looks to underwear and if they work for you then go for it! A good discreet non-diaper-looking one is Aleyne. They are fairly new. Not bulky at all but are surprisingly absorbent. And I also think Prevail is a good brand, also not bulky. Don't know how easy they are to get up there in Canada, though. They aren't found in regular stores, however. They have to be ordered. But if do need to get supplies at a store, Snow has a good idea which is to buy them from a pharmacy. Fewer people in store and more privacy. And guess what, Snow, I've been known to bury my supplies in a basket of groceries myself! Seems to work. Hmmm! another column possibility - what happens if you're in a store and buying your supplies and run into someone you know? We'll do that another day, I guess. It's getting kinda late!

 

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Brady, I agree that it does get easier as time goes along. I think your nurse cousin has your best interests at heart. You're lucky to have a medical person in the family, as it were! If wearing diapers seems intimidating at this point, then maybe you can consider protective underwear which pull on and off just like underwear. They are somewhat similar in looks to underwear and if they work for you then go for it! A good discreet non-diaper-looking one is Aleyne. They are fairly new. Not bulky at all but are surprisingly absorbent. And I also think Prevail is a good brand, also not bulky. Don't know how easy they are to get up there in Canada, though. They aren't found in regular stores, however. They have to be ordered. But if do need to get supplies at a store, Snow has a good idea which is to buy them from a pharmacy. Fewer people in store and more privacy. And guess what, Snow, I've been known to bury my supplies in a basket of groceries myself! Seems to work. Hmmm! another column possibility - what happens if you're in a store and buying your supplies and run into someone you know? We'll do that another day, I guess. It's getting kinda late!

Thanks Jim and billliveshere!

Yes, my cousin is the nicest person I know! We spent a lot of time together when we were kids but we dont' see each other much now. I think I only said no at first because it took me off guard when she asked. I still remember her as a baby when she was in this situation lol! :O I'm going to suck it up though and tell her next time I see her. I'm hoping she will be willing to pick up diapers for me at work or have them shipped to her house. (I live in a condo). It will also be nice to finally have someone in my family know what's going on, as last summer I got really sick at a reunion and I had to leave early. I want to tell my sister also for this reason, but she is kind of insensitive and I feel she would ask me if I need changes and stuff just to be funny. I love her but she doesn't understand how this feels. Anyway, I didn't expect to go on a rant. good day everyone!

 

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Brady:
Tena makes a Men's pull-up that has small vertical stripes and a colored waistband that make it look a lot like regular underwear. Yeah, they still come in a bag and it's still fairly obvious what you are buying, but at least when wearing them you can feel much better about yourself. The capacity isn't all that great but they should get you through 2-3 hours. BTW... It's what I wear when I suspect I'll be in a situation, like at the doctors, when someone will definitely see my underwear.