Dealing with husband after surgery

[Archives1]

Good morning everyone, my husband had a interior posterior surgery on his L1 a year ago and over the last few months his waking up over loaded in emotions of wetting himself is hard to see. To be such a strong man and be the provider a d building around house to not doung anything is a hurt peice. We have been to urology and they just run so many test with not many answers. His prostrate is swelled and looking for cancer so im not holding up the best. Very scared of lossing my soul mate. He suffers drom depression and its getting much worse. I also deal with it. I see a therapist and we are currently getting him one. If anyone has any advice for me or just some encouragement i would hreatly appreciate it. Thanks i. Advance.

 

[Archives1]

As I read many different post I would also add he is on medication along having the botox injections. I'm simply reaching out as a caregiver and a wife. I am 42 he is 57. We are both having a hard time dealing a d just knowing how to emotionally knowing how to handle this.

 

[Archives1]

So sorry to hear you two are having to deal with all of this!!!!!! The only advice I can give is be an advocate for your husband and your self, don’t take one or two Dr.’s advice if it doesn’t fit with your life or ideas then move on quickly and find a Dr that will work with you!! Also do your research on these issues and get as much knowledge as possible then you can truly make informed decisions for each other!! The key to making it through life is support!!!!! Your husband and you NEED to know and understand you are NOT Alone in these struggles and although you may not find a cure for everything you can find ways to manage your emotions and physical problems!! This is a good place to start and ask questions but it’s not the answer for everything. It’s good to hear you have sought out mental health care and that will be the back nine of healing!! Best of luck to you and your husband!!

 

[Archives1]

My heart and prayers go out to both of you. Pray a lot and ask the Lord for his comfort and peace and know that on this earth we are here such a short time, we are the Lord for eternity. I am a brain tumor survivor with many many health issues. I know each day is a struggle. Blessings and Prayers. Life is hard-Petejc I feel has good common sense approach. Keep up the support, it is badly needed for both of you. Go to a few different doctor's-one might have some answers for you that will help, one never knows. Also the internet is a great place to check out different therapies locally and talk to some local therapist. That is where I get my support and I do to different ones, depending on which one or what problem is bothering me the most.

 

[Archives1]

I am sending you my support and caring. Seeking a health care professional who will work with you, and working with your therapists are so important. It would be good to consider anti-depressant medication to help put a floor on his level of depression. Finding the right level of protection; e.g., diapers, could help him feel more confident. Prayer, meditation, music and dance, nature, being with people, volunteering and walking and being with my dog help me to lift my spirits. This forum helps me feel less alone and supported. I'm glad you reached out. I wish you and your husband the best.

 

[Archives1]

I thank each one of you for the encouragement. We have sought out some of the best doctors after dealing with answers and bad solutions not fit for a good outcome. We now been using depends for 24 hr use. Worse at night when he leaks and he struggles with that. My main and biggest problem would be the mental part of feeling as if I am not doing enough. I do a lot of research and simply being there for him. However when he wakes up and I hear the pain cry and the struggle of the leak with the depression he deals with. I feel helpless. I will continue to reach out. God first always in our lives. Thanks again

 

[Archives1]

If his pain is mental he can overcome that with Jesus's love. IF is is physical-the none needs strategy's to feel better-to treat the symptoms. Blessings-Barb There is always a reason, the Lord has all of our lives planned out. Just love him and ask him for peace and to do his will-whatever that may be. It might be time for some anti depressants for him. One never knows. I was on the most of my adult life.

 

[Archives1]

I sympathize with you both, it is not easy to deal with. My recommendation is to upgrade from Depends to a better brief/diaper, there are MANY on the market that will help him at night. Abena M4 of L4, Forsite AM/PM, Molicare Super, Dry 24/7 to name a few. Depends are the bottom of the list for incontinence wear. I hope you can find answers and some peace

 

[Archives1]

There are other products that are more absorbent than Depends that people have written about on this forum. You might want to check the archives to see what has been recommended.

Is the pain physical? Have you seen a pain specialist? Many "alternative" treatments for pain, including hypnosis, meditation, cannabis. I'm sure you know that opiods are addictive, and you don't want to go that route.

It sounds like you are being wonderfully supportive. Your husband is going through a terrible time, and you are there for him. I know it hurts you to see him in such a sad state. Please take good care of yourself.

 

[Archives1]

Thanks I had no idea what to use and i will go look at the archives to see brands along with what was suggested here. God bless you.

 

[Archives1]

Gib...,

This message is similar to what I have posted before, but if you haven't considered it, there are external devices on the market that may work for your husband to control leakage. Personally, I wasn't thrilled with any of them for mainly comfort and convenience reasons. Forgive me on this, but I then started on a path to develop a better product that is comfortable and convenient. I'll only say at this point that it is made of soft silicone and can be worn all day long...certainly nights. (I wear mine 14 hours every day and sometimes at night, depending on my hydration.) I'll be happy to provide more info, now that we are patent pending, if you are interested. Regardless, try to reduce the leakage rather than deal with the leakage is something I suggest you look into for him. Best wishes to you. Duane dglisan@comcast.net