Controlling Embarrassment

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@BarrySimpson94

So my embarrassment comes when I travel. Not that anyone finds out, but the emembarrassmentbarssmend of packing adult pull-ups to wear "just in case I bedwetting". The the embarrassment of actually wearing the pull-ups at the hotel or even worst a relative/friends house. The most humiliating is when I actually wake up wet in my pull-ups. Thankfully that is not often, but when it does happens oh boy.

I feel like I have to sneak and creep to keep it hidden that I pee myself during the night. I the end I manage to keep it all a secret from the hotel, friends or relative that I am staying with, but the embarrassment of hiding it is horrible.

JT

 

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Welcome Kacy. I hope you find us useful.

 

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@Disperwearer18 Man, that's awful. What a crappy person to treat you that way.

 

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Welcome Kacy. I hope you find us useful.

 

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Thank you!!

 

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Hello All, I can relate to embarrassment like most of us can and trying to hide the products we have to use to keep our initial problem hidden and it seems if our secret gets out our lives will change and the relationship with that person will be forever spoiled as well!! The truth is, we will live on and if that relationship is that fragile then your better off!! I e been found out by people and yes it can be uncomfortable but I survived and I’ve realized there’s nothing I can do about it other than try to keep my private things private and just live from there on. It’s much easier said than done but with time and patience we can all get there!! Just hang in there and remember your a good person and that’s what really matters!!

 

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nice-Petejec-thank you for your kind words

 

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Health problems, including incontinence, cause many people embarrassment - embarrassment about exposure of what are conventionally regarded as private, mostly erotic, parts of the body, stains on clothes or bed linen, or embarrassment just talking about certain subjects.

A principle that I have found useful in reducing my own embarrassment is to ask myself whether the person seeing or just talking to me would be embarrassed by what is happening. Would a nurse or carer be embarrassed by giving me a bowel evacuation or inserting a urethral catheter? If they aren't then I see no reason why I should be. A few young carers, particularly some of those from different cultural backgrounds, have given me the impression that they would rather not work with men, but I do not decide the matching of carers to patients.

Maybe Nature was mischievous when placing both our waste outlets so near to our genitals. Some nursing and caring procedures do sometimes result in arousal for me, although sick patients will not see them that way.

A bigger problem might be with non-professional people such as relatives or friends. I do not make a point of raising the subject without good reason but neither do I make a secret of my double incontinence. I do not hide away my pads, knickers or other equipment: they might gently introduce the subject without saying anything.

Have other readers got any experiences they are willing to share?

Barry, I have only in my lifetime maybe ran into a couple nurses that were not cut out to do a procedure of cathing me or enemas. Otherwise its quite the opposite, but my PCP is very in tune to help me, she knows how I struggle, if I don't get the help I need. I will email her, and normally within a couple hours she will get back to me ( normally within minutes) and will figure out if I need to come in to see her and then she will order what is needed, that being a Foley or hospitalization for chronic constipation. She has it in my history what is normally needed, in fact she was gone, and I thought I was getting a UTI, ( I self cath also) and this PA went ahead and inserted a Foley ( the foley will decompress my bladder and give it a rest) and then she takes a sample, both her and her nurse do this. I do know one thing, if I see the appointment is labeled long,, they plan to do something!
But I have a wonderful team that helps me sort things out

 

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Reading the posts on this topic and wondering, does the level of embarrassment change with age or time?

For me I started to bedwet as a teen. I was totally humiliated by it to the point that I kept it from my parents. It only happened once every few months so easier to hide, but sooooooo humiliating when I'd wake wet. Once I moved out on my own my embarrassment level lessened since I didn't have to 'hide' it. But when I realized that I was getting serious with my now wife and thinking marriage, and she would find out sooner or later the embarrassment level went up again. As Catholics premarital sleeping arraignments were not an issue, but knowing that she was 'THE ONE' if she'd say yes I knew I had to tell her.

Now my mind is wrestling with do I tell her before I ask for her hand in marriage or after. I really struggled with this. If I ask before, and she says yes, then it is a true yes in full knowledge of me and all my issues. If I wait, for fear that she might say no and no need to 'expose' the secret, and she says yes I need to still tell her before or after the wedding???

I chose to tell her after I asked for her beautify hand to join me for life. Why?? Embarrassment... I was set to tell her before asking, but then got too embarrassed to tell her.... what if she says no?? Then she knows... who will she tell??? False reasons but my reasons at the time.

To speed up the story, I asked she said yes and then a new dilemma, tell her before or after the wedding? While in retrospect I think I made the wrong decision in not telling her before I asked her, here I know I made the right decision, I told her before the wedding.

I was soooooooooo scared, rehearsed what I would say, planned when and where I would tell her and then they day and time came. .....

I won't go into the details on how, where and all that when I told, but I will say she was sooooooooo cooooool about it. Apparently I had build up the seriousness of what I was about to tell her that she laughed at first. I was crushed until she said, "No, it's fine I am laughing cause it is such a minor thing. I had in my mind that you were going to tell me that you had cancer and was going to die in a year."

So I share this to say that embarrassment is part of it. Though we should not be, it is part of it. It is how we deal with it that makes it embarrassing.

Be strong, be empowered, be yourself.

JT

 

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@Jaytee Good for you, you found the right person.

 

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That is wonderful! I pray the same could happen for me!