Breaking down and admitting I need help

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I currently have a home health aide Thursday and Friday from 8am-4pm. I have osteoarthritis in my knees and shoulders and it’s gotten worse. It is hard to change myself, take out the trash etc. i am going to ask to have someone here all week. I’ve been doing 2 days and it’s just not working. Having someone change me is humiliating but I just need to suck it up. I can’t do this on my own anymore

 

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justej:

I read your post and it tears at my heart. I am terribly sorry you are experiencing a difficult time. I have had my prostate removed and went through a difficult period, but thank God I have overcome most of the medical concerns from that operation. I got through it by prayer, my relatives and friends' encouragement and most importantly making myself move. I realize it is difficult but please try to follow the instructions of you physical therapist. They can do a great deal to help with the healing process. God Bless you.
Nick

 

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ej. Your revelation tells a lot about your mental health. You're okay. At various times we all are likely to have a wake-up call. I had that at the age of 80 when I quit driving. But I have adjusted and it's all okay. You'll be okay too. Your stress level will undoubtedly decline and hopefully you'll have a good caretaker.We'll all be pulling for you.

 

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Part of me feels like I’m giving up. Losing my independence even. I’m only 44 yet I’ve been through so much. So many surgeries I can’t even count, gi issues, amputation, arthritis, the dreaded incontienence, mrsa…it’s like my body has turned against me. My accident really changed my life and not for the better. I’ve had aides change my diaper before and I was dead set against having it happen again but I just hurt. I’m being offered the help and I just need to accept it.

 

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HI @justej, I agree with @ritanofsinger in that you are OK but sometimes we have to admit we need some help. That is a natural thing to do. Humans were made to adjust and when that happens you'll then know it's all going to be OK!
It sounds like you need someone to help you do the regular things like take out the trash and just help out. There are times when we just have to say the hell with it and admit I can't do this all alone. Yes we are all pulling for you and hope you can find someone who can take care of things for you.
Besides I think winter is harder on osteoarthritis and once it gets warm again that may ease up. But just keep on keeping on and know you aren't alone!

 

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Hi @justej, I am reading your post with tears running down my eyes for you. I understand exactly where you are. I am having frequent bladder spasms and cannot stay dry. Then I had a flair-up of microscopic colitis which I haven’t had in a long time. It causes explosive diarrhea on top of the urine. It went everywhere and all I could do was sit on the floor and cry. I try so hard like you to continue the battle but I have a pain doctor appointment tomorrow and I am scared to go. I have to go, I have no choice. You are actually my hero here and give me hope and inspiration. I want so much to help you tonight. Please know how much your posts mean and hang in there. Thank you for being there and know all the hope in the world is coming your way tonight. I also have Rheumatoid Arthritis so I feel your pain there too. Heat is the best thing to help that.

 

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@justej

I so get this right now. I have about twenty-five minutes of UP time each day to do activities. The rest of my day is spent sitting. Right now I need to get my apartment clean, do my dishes (Not done because I am on city water and they were working on it), and get ready for Christmas.

I have about three hours' worth of work to do. My Nanny(Gram) would come up and just hang out and keep me on task if I asked her but my issue is that I feel like crap (Pun intended) every time I start bending down to move things.

I have not asked for help but when I talked with my GI about how bad my stomach muscles are now and asked about how bad they could/will be after surgery she said I should do my best to be ready for a year of downtime and that is if the muscles work at all after surgery.

I could be in very bad shape but with the medication not working and nowhere else to go from here the surgery is my only option.

It is overwhelming sometimes just to look and see how much work I need to do in a short time (colon doctor works fast so I could be looking at surgery in January)

So I am going to do what I have to do for my car tomorrow and then come home and put on a MegaMax and clean until I need to shower then get back to it.

Nothing else I can do, I have to get it done.

Trust me though, if help was offered right now I would take it so fast.

My guts hurt just sitting up so any time I do not have to bend down I will take it.

 

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EJ, I’ve had aides coming in for nearly 20 years. Yes, you are giving up independence but you are also giving up stress, pain, fatigue… try to reframe it to think you are freeing yourself up for more stress-free living. Especially if you are able to form a good relationship with a couple of aides, it can really be a wonderful thing. I’ve had the same aide for 15 years. We read each other’s minds! Lol. I have a second aide who is a friend of many years. They keep my peed upon laundry done. I get a huge pot of soup made once a week, which is my major food for the week. They straighten up and do basic cleaning. I get 12.5 hours a week, although I don’t need changing. Let someone take care of you. I live alone and I’m not in a relationship and it’s heavenly to just have someone take care of me.