What Are The Mental Effects of Incontinence?

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When talking about incontinence and treatment many people jump straight to physical solutions. Whether it be advice on training your pelvic floor or advice on how to start training your bladder. While these solutions are valid and are an important part of treating incontinence, one of the more overlooked impacts of incontinence is the mental strain on an individual. Helping treat incontinence doesn’t begin and end with the physical, helping those who suffer from incontinence mentally is very important. One of the common misconceptions those who suffer from incontinence have is that they are alone. This however is far from the truth as there are over 5 million people in Australia and New Zealand who suffer from incontinence, meaning it’s a more common problem that one would think.

Studies done in the past show that those with serious incontinence have an 80% greater chance of developing depression. It’s important for those who are caring with someone for incontinence or for those who suffer from incontinence to recognise the mental effects incontinence can have.

Withdrawing From Social Situations
One of the biggest impacts incontinence can have is that it causes people to withdraw from social situations. The fear of having an embarrassing accident in public means those suffering from incontinence will shy away from going out. Those who suffer from stress incontinence often find that exercising leads to incontinence. This means they will avoid exercise, specifically exercise out in public. Something that was once loved and enjoyed instead leads to feelings of anxiety and negativity. Catching up with a friend at the gym, or playing rugby for your favourite sports club all of a sudden becomes an issue because of incontinence.

While it may begin gradually, social isolation can become a big issue. As incontinence worsens so does the impact on mental health. There are cases where people are so embarrassed about having an accident in public, they avoid all public outings. Cancelling on friends and family, not showing up to work, not partaking in hobbies and interests. This isolation leads to more serious mental health issues and can cause long-lasting depression and anxiety.

Anger
While some who suffer from incontinence will withdraw and suppress their emotions the opposite can also happen. They can become frustrated and angry with the fact that they have incontinence and can’t manage it. Frustration is a natural human emotion and it’s perfectly reasonable to have these feelings. The key is to manage these feelings and not take it out on others who are trying to support you. The first step is accepting and recognising these feelings of anger and talking about them. Once you open up to someone either a doctor or a friend you should notice a decrease in the feelings of anger. Doctors and health care professionals can also suggest recommendations to help you control and manage your anger.

Managing The Mental Effects of Incontinence
The first step in dealing with incontinence is to simply talk about it. Those who suffer from incontinence either through denial or embarrassment don’t come forward about their problem. Talking to a doctor and health professional is often the hardest step but doing so will mean you get the help you need. Opening up to family and friends can also be therapeutic. Helping them understand your problems and anxiety’s means they will be more forgiving and can help them understand why you may be withdrawing socially. Taking physical steps to help improve your incontinence will also aid your mental wellbeing. Doing pelvic exercises or other things that your doctor suggests will mean your incontinence improves and you may be able to put yourself out there more socially. Independently You provides helpful products such as our Woxers and Adult Underwear. These products look and feel just like regular underwear meaning you can go out in public with peace of mind that no one will be able to tell the difference from regular underwear. While the physical effects of incontinence are well known it’s also important to take care of your mental wellbeing. Remember that continence issues are actually very common and are experienced by people of all ages so there is no shame in seeking help. While living with incontinence is hard and will be a daily challenge opening up and seeking help is the first step of living a happy and normal life.
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Great article and suggestions... Getting significant other or spouse to understand is a struggle until they relate that it is a medical condition.Like in my case of enlarged prostate and recurring prostate infection.
 
My husband's best friend had prostate surgery with accompanying incontinence and his wife of 40 years made fun of him for wearing diapers. My husband and I were appalled at her attitude. His obvious embarrassment and hurt at her callousness also caused us hurt for him. Words can be lethal and the surgery didn't save his life.
 
DPCare, Thanks for this article. It all applies to all of us that have this problem. No one know what its like like til it happens to you. the anger is what I have been dealing with. sometimes you just have to let loose to you spouse or a friend. I feel better since i have read this. I was feeling isolated. especially now. I have had many treatments that didnt help . I am receiving botox treatments now that seem to work for about three months than it acts up bad again. Thanks so much for this artical.
 
@DPCARE Great share. Thanks, it is something that is often over looked. We talk about our conditions, offer advise and tips and the like. But a look at the mental effects of incontinence/ nocturnal enuresis is just as important.
 
Great post. I am 5 weeks post prostate removal and 4 weeks post catheter removal. My wife is very supportive and I am seeing some improvement but some days are just hard to get through right now. I'll have a good relatively dry day and then revert the next. I know it's a process and can take some time but it ain't fun!
 
Thank you for the article @DPCARE. I was especially impressed by the section about the mental aspects of incontinence. From my own experience I believe I manage my issue well and discreetly but I have always had some sort of defense mechanism in place and have not opened up to others. And since I've joined this forum I have found it much easier to open up because everyone is in the same boat and it becomes a matter of "hey I know how that feels!" At the same time it's good to know that somebody else knows what I'm feeling and what I am going through. AS a result of knowing all of you I think it's helped me break down the barriers and become more open in general and more able to show my feelings.
And @ritanofsinger, I'm sorry to read about your husband's best friend. A wife who makes fun of somebody wearing diapers is really unforgiveable. What if it were the wife who had to wear them? After all diapers are just another form of underwear and it is like anything else that helps people, such as hearing aids, eyeglasses, canes, crutches, etc. None of those define the person but are just a part of the person who needs a bit of extra help. And I can easily understand and sympathize with how that wife's callous attitude poisoned things for you and your husband as well. What an unhappy thing for the both of you to endure! But you are so right. Words can be lethal and I can't help but wonder what's going through that wife's mind now.
 
Hi Dave I have thought of you and Cole.
This article is so very down to earth and real. Wishing you good health
 
Sport, you're telling me brother! I was so ashamed before being in this forum. It helps to see a bigger picture.
And to anyone that thinks its a joke, then there but for the grace of God go I is the message to ponder. Even if you're an atheist
 
Hi @Maymay941 and all, One thing I have learned in this forum is that it is silly to feel ashamed now although that feeling has happened to all of us at one time or another. But any feeling like that quickly becomes history by participating here. I really and truly don't understand how anyone can think that incontinence is anything to laugh about, along with any other life-altering condition. The "there but for the grace of God" philosophy is one that very often crosses my mind and it has me taking a good look at myself. It is a life lesson. As for anyone who thinks what we deal with is a joke, they are the ones with the problem, not us!
 
So, I have read this post several times and could not reply to it because it hits too deep for me right now. I have thought a lot about how all of this has effected me over the last few months and decided to share no matter the pain that it brings up.


Truth is that mentally this has been very hard.

I went from the second in charge of my area at work to not even in that area anymore.

I went from working 36+ hour work weeks, with 40+ hours of college classes to only working 7 hours on last pay check and not in college due to grades thanks to all of this.

***I love my dad greatly so please under stand that before reading this*** I cannot really talk to my dad about all of this, It upsets him to much and though he is very understanding he is very tough....Like supper glued his own belly back shut after a grinder wheel broke and hit him.. He didn't even go to the hospital or take pain meds. He is a tough. tough guy that has overcome a lot and only wants what is best for me..... That being said he does get when I say that I am in too much pain to drive myself to work, or home.. and that the incontinence is too much to handle while at work. But he wants me to try no matter what and do my best all the time.
Emotionally, I cannot talk to him that much about all of this because he truly just starts crying because he never whats to see me hurt. My surgery took more out of him than it did my mom so most of the time she is who I go to..... But there are some things that are guy stuff and you don't want to even tell your parents.


Lucky for me I also have an amazing grandmother that has been my sounding board when crap hits the fan. She only lives 500 yards from me so I visit a lot. I have lost track of how much food she has bought me (She gets a lot of food stamps and never uses them so she is not spending her bill money and I don't have to borrow anything)

So back to the mental side of all of this... I think the greatest thing that I have in my back pocket is that I studied psychology as my minor in college. I understand when I am being a way that is not good.. That being said I am very shut in right now. Covid around me is very bad so going out unless I have to is a big nope.

A lot of the things that I love doing (Photo/ Video..Flying my drone) have not happened a lot.

I always worry about having an accident while out. Changing while out sucks so I don't go far from home even for food.

The biggest issue for me is that I have not indication as to when I am going to have problems. One day I cannot go at all and then like tonight I have the runs so bad that I have went seven times in the last hour. If I was at work I would have, had to leave because bathrooms are always hundreds of yards away from where I am working at.

At my worst I had three mixed incontinence accidents. And like a baseball player after three strikes I was out.

So what are we to do about all this?

My biggest regret is not being open with my parents long before it got to here.

hind sight being 20/20 I don't think I would have changed anything about moving or where I work but... Truth is that nothing could have made this better from both an emotional and $$$ stand point. The great thing is that I have insurance now.


The issue for all of us it this..

The world sees people that have to wear diapers in one of three classes... Babies, Old people or disabled people. They don't see normal people that look okay dealing with this. We are taught from potty training that having accidents is not okay. Bed wetting in younger kids was the only thing that got a pass and it was treated differently just a years ago.

It is sad that so much stock is put into what we wear from a socialite standpoint. Why does it matter?

Why do we care about what others think?
Once more why do we care about what other we will never see again think?

This may sound crazy but I wish for a world where this issue is treated no different than someone having allergies.
 
Hi @ThatFLGuy, Thank you for sharing with us. I can well appreciate the pain it dredged up but now you have explained and you must feel some relief in having talked to us about it. It's therapeutic and once again you've reached out. It always helps to just talk about what you're feeling and you're doing that. I know what it's like not being able to open up with your parents. I wish I could have been more open with mine when I was younger and things weren't going well in school. I don't know about you but with mine I think it was the judgment thing, if you know what I mean. "You can't say what's on your mind or we'll think you're bad." That was the way of thinking back when I was a young kid. They were well-intentioned but it was still that feeling you have that they are judging you and you can't deviate from the straight and narrow. And you are so lucky to have your grandmother living so near. My grandmother was pretty good too. It's something about this link between a grandson and his grandmother. I know you will always treasure her and remember many years form now what she told you.
Times are very difficult now with so much uncertainty but the worst part is there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. I keep hoping to wake up one day to hear something different, such as "things are now getting better." But until that day....
And you know, what you said doesn't sound crazy at all about wishing for a world where incontinence is treated no differently that having allergies.
It is indeed sad and maddening at the same time that the world perceives the type of underwear that one wears as being something that's either socially acceptable or not acceptable. When you really stop and think about it, isn't that stupid? Why are people so worked up about it? What difference does it make? We wear our certain types of underwear so we can function comfortably out in the world and not have to stay at home. Nothing wrong with that. I just don't get why the general public can't just accept that people can and do become incontinent and that we deal with it the best way we know how. But I and plenty of others here have said that time and time again. It just bears repeating, I guess.
Thanks once again, and take care!
 
The mental effects are much larger then one thinks. My PCP noticed mine, and quickly went into action, and discussed with my caregiver also. So several years ago, I was started in antidepressant's, and Ativan for rest and anxiety when needed. I do feel happier, and calm. Eventually they say they will need to change some medications, I assume stronger doses.
 
MayMay is right on the mark. You can remind those who belittle, or shame us that they are only temporarily enabled.
 
I was so lucky as also being autistic she can deal with everything and never belittles me about it.I don't have to take drugs.
 
Incontinence can shape all aspects of one's life. Anytime I have to leave my house for anything I have to evaluate the situation:

Will there be a bathroom available?
Will I get home before I need a change?
Will I be eating or drinking anything that can trigger an accident?
Can I leave the event early, if I have to?
Will my friends get angry if I have to turn down the invitation?

It can lead to isolation and the loss of friends. I did go to a doctor and I have learned how to manage the problem. But that was only after I went through a lot of turmoil. Things are better now.
 
I know what you mean @Jamie325. I'm most concerned with will there be a bathroom available and will I drink anything that could trigger an accident. Once you figure out how to manage things it does get better. And I wonder if I go on a long hike am I adequately protected?
 
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