Stranger went through my continence products

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Hey guys;

Aside from the landlord issues we've been having - things have been going semi okay. Work wise; I haven't brought this to anybody but the authorities and a law firms attention - but I opened up about it on a male abuse support group and I figured I would open up to about it on here.

I recently stayed overnight (two nights seperate trips) at a Courtyard by Marriott hotel - and one of my bosses on the first night of our trip went through my belongings. I was offered "substances" by this person which should have been the first red flag - but on the second trip I was confronted by another employee prior to getting to our room in the elevator who said "Matt said you were going to wet the bed tonight". (he used a more derogatory term; but I think you can catch my drift).

I think being that my supervisor/foreman was a sufferer of a drug addiction - we've deduced that he must have gone through my belongings and told others of my person's products in my bag. I never told anybody about my bladder/continence issues so I am perplexed why others would go around and tell people about my bladder problems without my concent. I feel personally violated.

I submitted a tip to local authorities as I am forced to pursue this matter with a law firm but I'm overall feeling attacked and harassed. I really don't honestly know what to feel as incontinence is something that is so personal that opening up about it to others is hard enough; but others bringing it to your attention without your concent is horrifying.

I was able to get the last two phone calls on record by my significant other to send to the law firm - as on one phone call they literally stated they were talking about myself being gay and I think posed an issue working in a masculine based environment - and then when I tried to bring everything to the owners attention I was not given the applicable accomodations for communication.

Overall, I'm disgusted that others would think it was okay to harass myself about a medical condition in a hotel elevator and to add to the irony - my significant other was just offered a interview for a position as a hotel night auditor.

I think overall; going through a person's belongings and continence products and then telling coworkers about it and not resolving it makes myself feel discriminated against for a medical condition - not to mention humiliated, personally violated and exposed. Im not sure if anybody can relate - but I'm disappointed at my generations behavior.

@ThatFLGuy: I saw your response. I haven't had the heart to respond because I've been dealing with this work situation and trying to feel not so abnormal. The lawyers request ed both recordings so that is a positive sign I suppose.

@BarbaraDrabek: Barbara. I saw you liked the post of ThatFLGuy reaching out to me. I hope you are doing well and see this. Do you have any update on your own situation with the doctor dispute? I still think of you from time to time and our talks from last fall.

To give you an update on my civil rights case - things seem to be progressing. The civil rights caseworker updated myself yesterday and I am hoping to hear an update at some point in the near future. The world just doesn't stop turning...

Anyway; I'm still in shock over the confrontation in the hotel elevator and how someone could say something like that. I awkwardly brushed it off - but I don't think people truly understand bladder issues until they have to live with it themselves.

I leave with a quote from a classic movie I enjoy:

"We Suffer while They Live". - Quote from John Carpenter's "They Live" 1988

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs

 

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Added note:

I've uploaded the phone calls on an uploading site called "Vocaroo" so if anybody could listen and spot the problems with what happened.

https://voca.ro/18wrG6Mm0jwe (conversation with foreman)

https://voca.ro/1eHt9DGfoim3 (conversation with Manager)

To give you a little perspective the second conversation was with someone who I later found out had a stroke and has a speech impediment due to it. That was not the person in the call.

I had all I could do to keep my dignity in the phone call to express my "Medical Condition" so I didn't further embarrass myself.

I'm exhausted. I tried defending myself. I never meant to come off as a "know it all" - I think it was just an excuse to downplay the situation.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs

 

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May I suggest a comeback if you ever have to deal with this again? If you just say something to the effect that, "Yeah, I didn't realize this sort of thing can strike anyone without warning. That would include you. Do you know how you will handle it if it does?" And then, wait for an answer. If there isn't one forthcoming, ask for it: "I'm serious- would you know what to say to a doctor, or what product to buy if you suddenly found yourself unable to control your bladder? You might wish to be extremely careful not to injure your back- back injuries are one of the most common causes of bladder issues..." And then, especially if someone else comes into the room, offer to help them choose the right incontinence product if they need it. Don't say diaper. Most people will know what you are talking about. It's absolutely amazing how people will change their behavior toward you, when they realize that you just took the upper hand from them, and that you weren't afraid to do so.

 

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May I suggest a comeback if you ever have to deal with this again? If you just say something to the effect that, "Yeah, I didn't realize this sort of thing can strike anyone without warning. That would include you. Do you know how you will handle it if it does?" And then, wait for an answer. If there isn't one forthcoming, ask for it: "I'm serious- would you know what to say to a doctor, or what product to buy if you suddenly found yourself unable to control your bladder? You might wish to be extremely careful not to injure your back- back injuries are one of the most common causes of bladder issues..." And then, especially if someone else comes into the room, offer to help them choose the right incontinence product if they need it. Don't say diaper. Most people will know what you are talking about. It's absolutely amazing how people will change their behavior toward you, when they realize that you just took the upper hand from them, and that you weren't afraid to do so.

Bless you Jeff. I never try to use the term diaper for self dignity purposes; always protection and briefs.

Like there are people that I want to open up about this stuff; because it's personal and I don't want to be alone; but in this situation - I don't. I was left emotionally vulnerable and confused as to why someone would just go through someone's belongings willy nilly and then confront that said person about a medical condition.

That would be like myself going through somebody else's belongings and finding insulin and then saying to that person "you going to take your shot before you go to bed?".

Nothing short of criminal.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs

 

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Going thru personal belongings is a gross invasion of privacy. This person should be reported to HR no matter who they are. If HR can't or won't help you, the next step might be by filing a complaint with ADA.

 

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@Honeeecombs

I am 5 foot 11 and 220 all day long, grew up with three brothers, and fought all the time with them.

The guy who said what he did in the elevator would have needed an ambulance after I was done with him. The good Christian in me only tolerates so much and that is a line that no one should cross with me.

So many people think that it is okay to say whatever they want and not have consequences for it.

 

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@Honeeecombs That's awful! I know what you mean about feeling violated. I'd feel incensed if anyone told anyone else about my conditions without my consent. Hope you get some justice. What depresses me is that I find, no matter how old you get, one's peers really don't mature around topics like bedwetting.

 

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Dear Honeeecombs- I am so very sorry this has happened to you! As for that fool in the elevator: my Daddy once told me,"Some people are just ignorant." Have you thought about ideas on maybe securing your luggage for the future? I went on line and saw that inexpensive zip ties work well. I know it's easier said than done- but try not to let that fool put you in a dark place. The biker chick in me wants to kick his butt for you! Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers
Onward marching we go!

 

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@artiejr: I have the law firm listening to the recordings; Im thinking they will recommend further actions. I did not know you could file a complaint with the ADA! Thank you for the recommendation man.

@ThatFLGuy: Thanks man. I really appreciate this. Sometimes we need fellow peers who go through the same issues to step in and stand up for people like us. It saddens me that there are many people (and even agencies) who will sit back and watch others with disabling conditions to suffer rather than doing the right thing. What a world we live in.

@scififan: Bro! Glad to see you are back. I saw your post on comic con; how was the Harry Potter Studio Tour? I've been playing Lego Jurassic World - but I have an itching to replay the Lego Harry Potter collection now . But yeah; in regards to this thread - I don't think some people will ever grow up when it comes to bladder issues.

Overall, it makes me sad for when those people go to have kids. As a person who was humiliated and traumatized for bladder issues growing up - this experience has left me knowing that more kids are in bad hands of other individuals due to the ignorance of bladder conditions.

Which is sad.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs

 

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@Honeeecombs The Harry Potter Studio Tour was epic - so massive! It took over three hours to go around. It was also perfectly accessible - lots of space, flat and crucially - a Changing Places toilet! It's amazing what difference going to somewhere that's fully optimised accessibility wise makes to my fatigue levels. It was packed though which did set my autism off towards the end but the Changing Places toilet was a convenient quiet space to decompress and I used my Chewbuddy stim toy. I've found using the Chewbuddy has really helped with my jaw issues and teeth grinding - I think it's obviously how I've been stimming post Long Covid which has caused issues with my teeth but using that has meant less jaw locking and teeth grinding.

How's Lego Jurassic World? I got a bit burned out playing Lego Star Wars have taken a bit of a break. I'm back playing Pokémon: Shield which I'm finding a lot of fun, it's the first totally new Pokémon game I've played in over 20 years and it's amazing how far the series has come since the Game Boy Color days. Been working through Shining Pearl, purely to get Mew and send it over to Shield but that's also fun. Still have a big backlog of Switch games to play - Mario Odyssey and Breath of the Wild being the main ones I still need to play. Booked to go to the Jurassic World exhibition in London in September as my Dad will be around.

I agree bladder issues seem to be the one thing that it's still socially acceptable to make fun of. I think, given the the amount of young adults that suffer from issues, it's a shame we're practically invisible and subject to ridicule. I think up to a certain age there's the acceptance that kids will 'grow out of' bladder and bowel issues eventually but many don't and then people just think of the very old having issues. I'm fortunate in that my parents were pretty matter of fact about my issues - my Dad's always been a bit embarrassed and awkward about my disabilities though. My hope is that one day, talking about incontinence will be like talking about mental health in that it took a while but people are very open about it now.

 

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@scififan:

I agree with that entirely. I'm glad to hear you had a good time and was able to find accomodations - your last post I was concerned cause you said you had to crawl up and down stairs. I hope you can find some place more permanent that is ADA friendly (if they have that in the UK).

I'm kinda just hanging out today - I'm really trying my hardest to make friends in the new area that I'm in. The past week kinda ripped me to shreds emotionally because deep down I have always felt "less than" a human for my bladder problems; and I don't have the support of a family network due to my Dad's family facade.

Spend time as much as you can with your family - even if your dad doesn't treat you the way you are supposed to be treated. In my situation I had to stand up for myself - and take a step back because what they were doing was wrong - I suppose it has been better in the long run; two steps forward one step back I suppose.

Have you found a hard time making friends as a young adult in the UK due to the hustle and bustle of life? My significant other said it's because everybody has lives and as young adults/adults nobody is in the mindset of hanging out anymore - but deep down I'm social - he doesn't like to hang out with anybody or make friends but I do.

I like going out and about; shopping or browsing or just going for walks and be social. Hopefully that will come with time.

I think overall this past week and being confronted by ignorant people - has made life seem more lonely than ever.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs

 

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@Honeeecombs Yeah, the house is difficult but I think it's a fair trade off to be honest. If I were to move into an accessible place I'd need carers to come in to help me with everything as I'm so physically and cognitively disabled when it comes to day to day living. I'd much rather stay put. The social worker agreed that whilst I'm struggling with everything it's better that I do things myself for my self-esteem and due to my autism, having lots of strangers come in and help me really wouldn't work well for me. Plus, I'm still hoping that this will get better eventually.

I hear you about the friends thing. It's a funny one with me really as I've moved around so much from 18 to now that I have several close friends but only virtually alas. I don't have any friends from school anymore as most of my friend group became quite different to me as we got older and my best friend from childhood randomly cut me off a couple of years ago. I think not being to work and get out is a big part of that. I'd always done improvisational comedy and so whenever I found myself back London way without any friends I'd just do that and music and get a great social life. However, I can't do that anymore. There are various meetup groups in London but they're in the evening and it's dangerous enough coming back from the station during the day. Whilst I'd have balked at the idea in the past, I'd even be up going to some day centres for autistic adults (and that was an option that was discussed) as I'm aware it's not healthy being stuck indoors most of the time. 'Meetup' is a great site for local groups.

I get you what you mean about parents - it's awkward for numerous reasons with my father but I do care for him deeply and he for me. We're going to Brands Hatch in September, to a play in October (and he's able to drop me off at MCM Comic Con saving me a fare) and he's very keen to go to another of the small Doctor Who conventions we went to in Wimbledon if the dates work so we are doing stuff together.

I get what you mean about the ignorant people - no one outside of my parents knows about my underwear as it were and I'd hate to have to discuss that with people.

 

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Of course, you could ask if they're one of those people who get excited about it. That will probably shut them up, real fast. I'm reminded of my school years- there'll always be some smart-ass who will ridicule the small kid, or the one who's different. They tend not to repeat their behavior when it backfires on them. Again, it's all about taking the upper hand, or to put it another way, controlling the situation when it's least expected of you.

 

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@jeffwets and @scififan;

Just wanted to take moment to say thank you for your thoughtful responses.

In this situation; there was no upper hand - just people who like to abuse others for things that are out of my control. I'm left wondering if my feelings and emotions are valid; as if - do they matter?

But deep down I can hear me screaming back to those who have wronged me - Yes! Yes they do matter.

They know not what hurts the most. They do not know my life and my story.

Maybe someday - they will.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs