Aldute1, first of all I'm sorry for what you are going through! Short answer: if your husband isn't willing to take over full responsibility of his condition, you have every right to throw him out of your common bedroom.
You are his wife, not his maid, and he has to respect you on eye level - and respect also means to take control over his body. Being incontinent means, to wear according protection, to take special care of not smelling by practicing good hygiene, and means, if alcohol increases the problem then he has to stop drinking alcohol or at minimum increase the protection to a level no leakages occur. And, at least, he has to care himself about every mess he makes - changing bed sheets, changing his clothes etc. That's not naturally your job, as I said, you're not his maid! Of course, if you want to, you can assist him with such duties or if you are starting the washer anyways, but it's not your job.
I myself am urinary IC since some more than a year, happily married since 37 years. I shared my continence issues with her since the beginning, her initial reaction was that she understands and supports me fully, that I always be the same to her no matter which kind of underwear I use, that I shall try out and do whatever makes me feel comfortable with managing my condition and that we go through all of it together.Generally I decided for managing with according protection, thinner belt type diapers for the day, full and higher capacity diaper for the night. Of course I bought additionally a mattress protector. I don't have to (and don't) hide anything to my wife, but I involve her as less as possible into my managing. I try to behave as (reasonable) discreet as possible, diaper nearly always covered, I pay attention to stay clean and fresh. Of course it's unavoidable that rarely (once or twice a month)I might have a small leak in the early morning, but these are only a very few drops if my diaper is end of capacity, and lead to a little damp spot on my nightgown, nothing serious. I remark this leakage even in my sleep and get quickly up for a change.
On the other hand my wife doesn't only say but actively shows me that I'm still the same person to her than before. Cuddling, even intimacy happens as before. She has no issues touching me, even my diaper area is not completely off limits for her (without expecting anything from my side). I'm very happy having such an understanding and supportive wife, and I do everything to keep my IC in our lives as less disturbing as possible!
So, give your husband a kick in the ass that he has to deeply overthink and change his behavior!
