Severe Depression - Need to Vent

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@mustangmike1971 I’m also alone and single and haven’t really dated since I started wearing pull-ups to bed and having nighttime accidents. Men want women who look, dress, and act like porn stars, not women who wear diapers to bed and may accidentally pee on them during the night. Men are verrrrrrrrrry picky, way pickier than women. Ever noticed how fat men don’t even date fat women - they don’t even realize that they should be dating fat women but instead, they’re all out for skinny women, as if they’re all that? There are so many couples out there where the man is huge, and the woman is thin. That’s proof right there that women are more tolerant of men than vice versa. Most women will accept you and feel empathy for you if they know you have a medical condition and need protection. But the same is not at all true in men in my experience.

I’ve had to rearrange my entire life financially to live by myself instead of with boyfriends or a husband, as I did from age 21 to 39.75 when my falling off the cliff happened. My husband and I had just separated two weeks prior when it happened. Wish that wasn’t the case. But even if we had been together, he never would’ve accepted me with diapers because he never really accepted me without diapers! His expertise was emotional abuse and turning he into a ghost of myself.

So now I’ve had to rearrange my entire longterm future around being able to support myself, by myself, for the rest of my life. I see now that’s what I should’ve been planning on all along, because you can never, ever fully, can’t trust another human being. Now I know I’ll never again be financially dependent on another human being. I was a very avid traveler before I fell down the cliff, but now I can’t afford to travel because I pay all my expenses as a single female, including at least $1,300/month in medical costs when including my healthcare premium. I live in the state with the largest gender wage gap: women earn 38% less money than men here. I’ll never be able to own my own home the way real estate has gone. I would love it if there was a way to find a website to date men who’ve had testicular cancer, so they would be motivated by other things than sex, like having a loving, romantic, non-sexual relationship. I can’t really have sex any more because I’ve had a hysterectomy from cancer, because of Premature Menopause, and because of severe, chronic lumbar back pain. So I just plan on living my life ahead alone and try to concentrate on my friendships the most. Don’t get me wrong - it hurts - but I have made that change, so I can say, it *is* possible with the right attitude.

 

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I think for me being alone & single comes with a lot of stigma of wearing a diaper too. If I was wet I would wear diapers but the dripping is so minimal my pad is hardly wet. The dripping just always finds a way to get past my boxer briefs and pad - up to every 5 minutes. Groan.

At this point I've exhausted everyone in my circle complaining /crying about this. I feel alone. Although I know I"m technically not.

This is effecting every aspect of my life - work, social, with 'extreme depression'. As I can't concentrate with all this dripping. I wish I could just go back to normal - 3 months ago before this problem began

Anyway I have to accept wearing a pull up or accept dripping. Either way sux

Can't believe medication, kegels won't even see an improvement. Neurostim is next but I don't know anymore.

Means you can be quite lucky if in general a pad or a pull-up works for you! It's essential that the protection you wear applies to your grade of IC. Wearing something with too less absorbency or with a wrong fit that allows leakage before being saturated gives you only frustration and might lead to embarrassing situations, which might lead to depressive phases! Wearing more absorbent products usually no-one else can see, but wet pants caused by too thin or wrong fitting products will be noticed very easily!

It's time to accept your condition, find the correct and comfortably fitting product with the appropriate absorbency level and you are able to move out and around and do all the stuff you like to do without anyone else noticing your condition.

 

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Hi, I'm experiencing "constant" dribbling since January. At least every 5 minutes but could be every minute. The irony (or good thing) is that it's so small that it often doesn't even make my pad wet. However I notice my condition is getting worse. Increased wetness with drips running down my leg.

Anyway the agony from depression I'm experiencing is truly unbearable. Crying 3-4x a day, temper tantrums, etc.

From a medical perspective I've been diagnosed with Urinary Retention and have had no other medical conditions or procedures. I also have therapy and anti-depressants but nothing works emotionally.

I'm coming to the reality that I may need to wear pull ups / diapers and the thought truly pains me. It's either that or feel urine down my leg every other minute. Life is so unfair

Don't know if there's a question in here but please feel free to share your thoughts and/or how you handled the acceptance piece. Best, Michael

You mention you were diagnosed with Urinary Retention, that typically means you're retaining urine in your bladder, usually catheters are used, if not you can get nasty uti's. Your dripping is most likely "overflow" due to your bladder being constantly full.

Incontinence shouldn't impact being single, be confident (tough at first) and put yourself out there and you'll find someone. I've been married over 20 years and my incontinence has never caused relationship issues.

Finding a good therapist is extremely beneficial to anyone that's adjusting to a completely "new normal".

The best bit of advice I can share is to see yourself as you want others to see you, it's that simple!

People really don't care if someone goes commando, wears underwear, pull ups or a diaper, we think they do but they don't. Stay on top of your hygiene and hold your head high and be thankful it isn't much worse.

 

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@CES97 The guys I’ve dated have *definitely* cared that I wear diapers and am a bedwetter. Even before I wore diapers, every man I’ve ever dated, has absolutely cared what my underwear looked like. Your experiences with women, and women don’t care what kind of underwear men wear. But men absolutely care.

 

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@CES97 The guys I’ve dated have *definitely* cared that I wear diapers and am a bedwetter. Even before I wore diapers, every man I’ve ever dated, has absolutely cared what my underwear looked like. Your experiences with women, and women don’t care what kind of underwear men wear. But men absolutely care.

Snow, I'm so sorry for your bad experience with men you have brought up in this (and other) threads. Be sure, not everyone is like that and maybe somewhere out there in the world might be still the one which is waiting just for you!

Being male myself I can ensure that the kind of underwear a woman is wearing is not the most important thing for me. Especially over the years other things got more and more important than simple sexual attraction; general mindset, reliability, respect, politeness, caring of each other, cultural and other common interests are much, much more important for a fulfilled and happy relationship. If all this exists, a well padded but is surely not a turn-off!

My wife has no issues cuddling with me or touching me wherever, even with me being diapered. In opposite, I for sure would be the same. Without getting too explicit, I never had any issues to come in contact with her natural bodily fluids, and some (of her!) pee is nothing generally different for me and would never prevent me from touching her there!

 

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Just an update. My wife had a routine appointment with our local doctor and mentioned my up and down moods. The doctor rang me and said I should come and have a talk. She spent an hour which was really nice. She thinks I have mild clinical depression which is due to more than just the incontinence. I'm not so sure. Anyway I have agreed to try a medication which helps to regulate serotonin levels. I have also arranged talking therapy with a counsellor in a couple of weeks. I know there are many folks worse than me, in fact I just read an article which indicated that 80 per cent of people at 65 years of age are managing a long term condition and over 60 per cent managing 2 or more. My incontinence could be managed with one larger pad or a couple of light ones so I just can't understand why I feel the way I do. I read of many people who have overcome incredible challenges and I almost feel annoyed that I can't "man up" and get on with it. The doctor explained that even if I go out every day, work hard, try to engage in your hobbies you simply can't force it if you are mentally unwell. That's why I decided to try the medication for a while. Let's see how it goes

 

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@Hbrownlow I think your doctor explained psych meds well to you, that sometimes you just need medication to get you over a hump and back into wellness.

Anti-depressants keep me from killing myself, and lessen my depression, but unfortunately they don’t entirely stop my depression. I wish. They make it possible for me to still somewhat enjoy activities I used to enjoy and to avoid staying in bed during the day. But overall, I’ve been depressed since I was eight years old. That was the first time I wish I’d never been born. I was the lease depressed when I lived by the beach and worked in Hollywood, which was from ages, 23 to 37. I’ve had so many medical problems since then, and so many other struggles that I’m pretty unhappy constantly. Part of that is my own idiot fault for moving back to boring, stifling Salt Lake City. Some of us are just cursed with chemical brain imbalances from birth. Depression, anxiety, ADHD, and OCD run rampant on both sides of my family, going back at least several generations. Being depressed is very challenging socially because nobody wants to hang out with “negative” people. People just want to be friends with “positive” people. Personally, I don’t mind “negative” people because they’re actually realists, and I love and prefer truth. People who are constantly upbeat are usually phonies.

I hope your antidepressant and your talk therapy will help you out. Chances are, you’re also coping with something besides incontinence that you haven’t uncovered yet. Your talk therapist should be able to help you with that. Something to keep in mind with talk therapists is that if you don’t like the one you have, it’s important to move on quickly and get another one you like.

 

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@Hbrownlow It’s nice that you accept your wife as she is. But when men first meet a woman and they’re looking to be sexually attracted, a man wants to see a woman in a G-string, or a thong, not a diaper. If something else was true, then lingerie in online porn wouldn’t be prevalent worldwide.

 

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@snow - don’t take this seriously - I would not care if a women wore a g-string thong or a diaper as long as it’s removable

My 2 cents

 

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Snow... I think there are exceptions to your belief in what men are looking for in a woman.
Yes, for many, maybe most men, they have to be sexually attracted to a woman before they will try to start a relationship. But for some of us, that just isn't the case. When I was in my teens, 20's, 30's, Yes, I had a different frame of mind. If there was not a sexual attraction, then I was not interested in a certain kind of woman.
But time and circumstances can change people. Now I'm a guy in my early 60's, who wets the bed, has E.D., and needs a diaper if I'm traveling a long distance. Sexual attraction to a woman doesn't even enter the picture anymore. It's more about companionship, having common interests, and getting along together. If I was seeing a woman, and found out she wore diapers, my first thought would be "Hey, I bet she understands what I'm going thru !!" My second thought might be "I wonder if she gets her diapers from the same place I do??"

I'm sure there are many more men like me out there too. We're not all "Horn-Dogs" from birth to death.
I hope you can find someone to share life with, diapered or not.

 

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Snow, I am so so sorry you have dealt with depression for so long. I am also sad that your confidence has been rocked by incontinence.

A couple of things, 1st before I get into my question, I want to echo Dave that not all men are horn dogs or porn addicts. Both of those characteristics by definition objectify women. Would you really want to be with someone who sees you as an object for carnal desire? You, and all women, deserve better than that. There’s a reason why relationships are on the decline. Men who fit into that category are not able to find a woman, any woman, who matches the pornographic fantasy they have constructed and thus stay in either porn or transactional sex.n

Real sex is supposed to be something connecting two souls and bonding them in love. Obviously I struggled before I met my wife in thinking no one would want to be with a diapered man, it felt like the ultimate emasculation. Women want someone strong and virile, not infantile.

Now, what I discovered was two fold. First, I was blessed my wife accepted my issues as a non issue because it didn’t define me as a person. It is not the single defining characteristic of my identity. Second, what people care about and are truly attracted to is confidence. A spouse wants to have a partner they can rely on. They want someone ti walk arm and arm forward with, not a child to take care of. I have seen some beautiful some. Who are absolutely infantile in personality and they are alone or miserable, dépendant on their partner. And I have seen women who are not supermodels by any stretch and yet are breathtaking in their confidence and sense of purpose in what they do. They are happy.

A real man doesn’t want to see you in a g-string. A real man wants to see you as a woman who is self-confident, smiles and loves/respects him in the same way she wants to be loved and respected.

Funny enough, while I have folded my wife’s underwear when helping with laundry, I have never seen her in it. She’s extremely self conscious and whenever we are intimate the room has to be pitch black. My wife is beautiful but she has dealt with her own depression and issues growing up. So I laughter when you said a man wants to see a gstring. I don’t “see” anything, but I rejoice that I can hold and love my wife and she embraces me. We have been married for almost 12 years, have a child with special needs, and while there are always struggles, we are healthy in our relationship. I WANT that for you and pray the right man comes into your life who loves you the person.

My question is, I thought you were mostly out of diapers due to Botox. I have not gone that route because of deep fear of catheters, but I thought you had reported it gives you 7-8 weeks of no diapers. I would hope, even the most Neandertal of man would be understanding of the 1-2 weeks every few months that you have a medical condition. If not, that isn’t the kind of person who could ever give true relational comfort

 

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@DaveW49519 Thank you This is why I say I prefer to date older men. I made a mistake in the past dating anyone currently under age 40 because they grew up with free, endless, online porn as their sexually formative experiences. I’m no prude - I don’t have a problem with magazines - it’s the online stuff that has taught you get men if you see a girl, they don’t like they just click or swipe to get to the next one. But those over 40-45, are different, sometimes.

 

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@Tarlton Thank you for your kind, reassuring words. I do feel better when I hear about the love for your wife from men like you

I used to be more personally confident, but a decade of pretty severe medical problems has left me less socially confident, as has living in a social butthole of the world nearly devoid of all culture and gatherings. I’m not myself here and I need to get out again. I’ve stayed because my parents have needed my help - but they’re so ungrateful for it that I’m ready to return to Cali. However, I do need my mom’s help with my upcoming knee replacements, so I have to stay here until those are done.

At least I feel largely confident at work and with friends, and at the places where I volunteer.

As for diapers, or in my case pull-ups, I still have to wear them even though I use Botox. Botox fixes 95% of my daytime problems but only 75 to 85% of my nighttime problems. As the three months go by between injections, the Botox slowly evaporates, and becomes less effective. So I never get out of bedtime diapers. Daytime diapers, yes, I can usually skip those if I’m on Botox.

 

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Snow i just want to say ,that i truly understand where your coming from as your medical issues etc depression sounds just like me .
And now im feeling just so extremely overwhelmed with it all that i cant seem to think straight anymore .
Im just saying when i read your life and frelings i could totally understand u ,take care

 

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@Enlightenment At least we know we’re not alone! Thank you for your message. Stay beautiful!!!!!