Reflection on past year

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As I look back at 2021 it is hard to believe how much my life changed. A year ago I barely knew what incontinence was. I had no idea in just a few weeks I would become dependent on a diaper 24/7. I had no idea how much time I would spend with doctors, nurses and physical therapists nor the embarrassment I could feel in the presence of professionals. I had no idea how my relationship with my wife would change the moment I came home from the hospital wearing a diaper.
A year ago I never imagined how much time I would spend researching incontinence and how to manage it. Thankfully I quickly became determined to adapt and continue to live my life, but I still feel stressed by the burden of having this secret that is too embarrassing to talk about. I am sure the fact my wife is uncomfortable with it and even doctors seem to prefer other forms of management (catheter/ostomy) contributes to this fear. I am yet to find anyone I am comfortable confiding in (other than here). Hopefully that will change in the new year.

 

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Hopefully things will improve. If not your condition then how you feel and those around you feel about your situation.

 

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OnTheWater, it is good that you can confide in the fine people in this forum. I rely on them, too. It is sad doctors don't make you feel comfortable talking with them. I hope your wife will eventually see how important her role will be to you.

My wife of 50 years deals with my situation well, although I know it offers challenges to her at times. Back in March of 2021, I was stricken by septic shock. It was my wife who realized it and call for the EMTs to rush me to the ER. The septic shock came from a post urological surgery out-of-control UTI. Now the docs are just happy that I survived. I'm not sure how much they can do for my incontinence/OAB, but on January 12 I will trust one of them to replace my non-MRI Interstim device with an MRI-compatible one.

I hope you will find others who will help you be comfortable with your condition. I really hope your condition improves so you may have a Happier New Year than 2021 turn out to be.

 

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You've come to the place to heal and be heard.

 

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@onthewater, I can relate to much of what you say but I do have great support from my family and husband. I woke up one morning with incontinence that I now know probably came from a Stimwave peripheral nerve device for my back for pain. I will be having a head to toe work up to find out. I wish I could help you adapt to other’s feelings about your incontinence but it sounds like you are still in shock about your condition yourself. My husband and I had the talk and he promised me if he had a question or concern, that we would talk now about it and clear the air. Mine started in June of this year so I still am adapting myself. Each person needs to figure out how to have the talk. I also included my husband on kinds of supplies and what I was feeling. Sometimes I just cried and he would just hold me. I wish I could extend the hug to you because it does help if you can make your spouse included in adapting to your new life. I wish you the best for the new year and this group will always be here for you.

 

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Hi and Happy New Year @Dmorris; That was very well said and so true. I think you are extremely lucky to have the husband you have and in the way he supports you totally!! Unfortunately not every one can have such a supportive spouse. And having that it makes facing your particular issues more bearable. And here's wishing you a smooth journey in your "head to toe work-up" and that you'll get a definitive answer. But whatever is found, it sounds like you can count on your husband to help get you through it!!!

 

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I have been lucky enough to have a wife who I can discuss all of my issues with and she helps me immensely. I have been open and clear where I am but is still won’t let my wife see me without my pants covering my diaper. A pride thing I suppose. I have 6 amazing friends who also know my issues as when we play table tennis I have to disappear and clean myself up. They know what’s happening and fully understand. I haven’t hidden anything and they are a great help. I will play golf on Wednesday and will disappear to the toilet on the 9th hole and do the same, again my mate understands. All of that said, reading everybody’s experiences on this forum has been one of the biggest forms of help since I joined a few weeks ago. I have learnt where I sit on my recovery and know I am not miles off the pace like I thought I was. This really helped my mental state and motivation. This forum is a great source of information and even more a great source of support. Thanks all.

 

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I too have found great support from this forum, primarily advise on Kegels and exercise and managing expectations. I sincerely hope no one feels embarrassment or shame regarding any condition we have no control over. Everyone lucky enough to live long enough will have health challenges that will require support and understanding from healthcare workers, family and friends. If you feel down and out, I suggest reaching out to others in need of help either on this forum or in person. Happy New Year to all and here's hoping that 2022 will be better.

 

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On the water sincerely hope you think about the fact you are coping with a medical condition.
Shame is an emotion deeply ingrained in is around control of the body but the fact is this is no more shameful than if you started to bleed from your ears or broke your leg.

I hope you will stand tall and emanate dignity.
Our underwear is no measure of who you are as a person anymore than a bandaid or eye glasses.

Remember that anyone who you are uncomfortable with will be better served if they remember this kind of condition can affect them too.