Quick Update Since it’s been a while

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Hey all,

It’s been a little while since I've posted. I gave an update on another support site I belong to so I thought I would do the same here. A good deal has happened since my last post, some good and some not so great. I am unfortunately still suffering with my bladder issues, and things have gotten worse than they were originally. My leaks have become much more frequent and much greater in volume. I tend to flood now after very little urge to go in the daytime, and I am still having nighttime leaks. I have also had 2-3 more kidney stones , one of which sent the wife and I to the ER while we were on vacation for our anniversary. In addition to the bladder troubles, I had to have my gallbladder removed a while back which has left me with some fecal urgency and sometimes fecal incontinence. While I have taken steps to minimize my stomach problems (and therefore urgency) I still have my bad days occasionally. Overall I am still learning to deal with everything. I have resigned to wearing heavy protection (mostly Northshores and Abena) but I am still struggling with it (anxiety mostly).

As for good news, I was accepted into a very good PhD program and I successfully completed my first year of coursework and exams! The wife and I are also about to celebrate three great years of marriage, and we are both looking forward to the holidays.

As for the incontinence, I am just trying to take it day by day. It gives me a lot of anxiety but I’m trying to get around that. Anyone have any tips for the anxiety that comes with anxiety, having to wear diapers/pads, and fear of leak/embarrassment? Anything you can share would be super helpful.

 

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My worst fear is being arrested for public indecency about a medical IC problem that I can't control at times. Fears of wearing pads or diapers or pull ups or fears of leaks. Fears of being physically hurt from someone else. Fears of the trip to the Dr or fears of medical tests. Fear that someone may not love us as humans because we wear a pad, pullup, or diaper when we love them. Fear creates tension and retention of urine and then a subsequent flood occurs once the reservoir cannot hold its tension and full capacity anymore. Talking about fear or writing about the fear helps dissipate fear. You can try timed toilet visits during the day so that there is not as much urine later. A relaxing puzzle, cup of chamomile tea, Valerian Root, and supplemental chewable Melatonin may help you relax instead of having so much anxiety. Academic stress management may help, too.

 

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Leaky, those are all good suggestions. I am always looking for ways to alleviate stress and anxiety. It seems harder than ever these days. I appreciate you taking the time to respond and to give me those tips. Do you have a personal “go to” way of relieving stress or anxiety? If you do wear protection, did/do you have the anxiety that I mentioned? Does it get better with time? Thanks again for the help and encouragement!

 

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my daughter had her gsll bladder out and the urge to go for bowels is best controlled by avoiding fried oily foods altogether.
congratulations on the GOOD news, PHD program!Just keep up timed bathroom breaks no matter how engaging the research.
congratulations on 3 years of marriage!

 

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Maymay, yeah fried food is actually ok for me in moderation. I developed something the doctor called “dumping syndrome” (aka rapid gastric emptying). Essentially I get bad stomach cramps, nausea, and diarrhea shortly after eating. This has caused some urgency and bowel incontinence. I take medicine that is meant to slow things down but if I forget to eat consistently (every few hours while awake) then I’m gonna have a bad time after I do eat something. Unfortunately it doesn’t matter what I eat either, it could be a couple saltines and I would still get sick The doctor told me that only a small, unlucky percentage of patients develop and keep dumping syndrome after gastric surgery. Well, I defitely drew that short straw.

However, I try to keep things in perspective. It could be much worse. It’s made for some embarrassing moments (I actually had a problem today at work unfortunately) but I’m just thankful I was wearing protection and I try to go about my day. Incontience is frustrating but I am working on keeping a positive outlook.

 

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javing that strong aytitude to be accountable to your body and timing will serve you well!!
i guess the humbling thing is our bodies are demanding now instead of qiiet servants.

 

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That’s definitely the truth! Positive attitude and support from places like this will help us all get through it!

 

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i am so grateful to have found this group. incontinence has made me a different person. i felt the tv comercials were the only solace that others had OAB but then tbe implication is that the users of their drugs and diapers have just a tiny glow and the products dont work for more than that. my doctor seemed bored and there isnt much understanding of the cause on line.
I am humbled by the courage and outreach of people here to not let this change their life trajectory.

 

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i am so grateful to have found this group. incontinence has made me a different person. i felt the tv comercials were the only solace that others had OAB but then tbe implication is that the users of their drugs and diapers have just a tiny glow and the products dont work for more than that. my doctor seemed bored and there isnt much understanding of the cause on line.
I am humbled by the courage and outreach of people here to not let this change their life trajectory.

MayMay:

We are pleased to know your gratitude for our support. That was the intent of those setting up forums such as this, I'm sure. It's nice to know that you, among others, have found a place to feel welcomed and heard when it comes to the very personal matter of incontinence and how to manage it.

You have been uplifted by the connections you've made with others (finally) and that's exactly how it should work for all of us. We all came here that one 'first time' and our feelings then were much the same as you now express. We all remember our early days well. So, we recognized your early feelings and we stepped forward to listen and offer a welcoming chorus of support. All of us are made better for it.

 

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It's great when there are positive events that happen. Congrats on your 3-years and your PhD. program. The one advice I would share would be to meditate twice each day. Only needs to be twenty minutes each time. It helps anxiety and blood pressure. The total relaxation is helpful with relaxing the person in a very deep way.
Best of luck to you!

 

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Thanks Anita, I appreciate it The meditation suggestion is a great idea. I have had others tell me in the past that they thought it would be helpful for me. Maybe I need to bite the bullet and give it a try!

 

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Dallas, I find I’m much less anxious wearing diapers when I’m not able to be at a toilet in less than 15 seconds.

 

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Yeah, CP you have a good point. Without the diapers the alternative could be much more embarrassing and anxiety inducing. I suppose it’s just one of those things that takes time to get used to. Just trying to keep my head high and think of them as just another form of underwear