Opening up, ending the shame

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Archives1

Staff member
After 13 plus years of dealing with incontinence and wearing diapers I finally got to the point I was fed up enough with the self induced shame and stigma of diapers. The fear of having a leak or someone noticing is over for me. I know it we are all different in who know but I am active LE in a large Dept and do a lot in the community. I shared the below on my Facebook feed a few days ago. I have received nothing but love and support from friends and family.

The Pic I saw years ago on Real World Incontinence and the following was shared with me on a post a while back but do not remember who shared it:

(the picture won't Copy? It is of the word N(O is a diaper) stigma).

When a theoretical physicist with ALS finds the will to live and embraces the technology to allow him to continue a stellar career, he is celebrated across the globe;

When a double-amputee track athlete wins an Olympic medal, the world looks on in awe.

When a blind man learns to play piano and sing, he becomes one of popular music's most enduring and beloved figures.

But when those of us with no/compromised bladder or bowel control find the right products to contain the situation, and also find the courage to wear them, we still live in the "incontinence closet", in fear that someone will "find out" that we have a medical problem. It is only we who can solve this inequity, not others. As so many here have said, few people in our lives would reject us because of this problem. The sooner we accept that for truth, the sooner we will be free of this long-held and deeply-damaging secret.


I can not describe how much weight has been lifted from my shoulders in opening up and no longer have to worry. I know not everyone I deal with has Facebook or saw it but still feel better.


Do not let yourself hold you back from living your best life, life is to short.

Stay safe and Dry,
John
 
Beautifully stated. And as they say, "Courage is contagious." You have not only freed yourself, but you have inspired courage in many of the rest of us. Funny that so much courage seems to be required to face up to incontinence. Thank you. OORAH!
 
There you go, @MarineJohn! You've said what a lot of us here would like to say and we can and will. AS you said so eloquently, "it is only we who can solve this inequity, not others." So full speed ahead in living our lives to our best advantage! Every one here has a lot to offer so let's step forward and offer ourselves to the world! I may be an ol' Navy guy but with the utmost and sincerest respect to you, Semper Fi!!!
 
The husband of my wife's best friend, just had to have some serious work done on his prostate so he could urinate properly. He had had issues for a long time, but never would see anyone about it. (stigma?) He almost died the other night after some blood clots from the surgery jammed up his system so badly that they had to go back into everything that had been opened and repaired to free things up. I told my PM doctor about it, and she said that some people just don't get it until the pain just can't be tolerated any longer, but at that point serious damage has probably already to critical body parts. (My Dad told me that your body is just like a house. It is becomes useless if you can't get water in, and especially if you can't get it out!) I told her that I had said early on that I would rather be dead than wear diapers. I am certainly glad that I thought better of ThAT! I am cancer free as of the last blood test, and improved bladder control is a goal, but shields and pads although irritating, are a weapon I wish I had the guts to use when I was spending long hours driving a company truck! My Doctor said she has several patients she is watching PSA numbers vigilantly for. I told her to tell them to talk to me about what is in store if they don't pay attention to her now, rather than later. You are an inspiration John! Thanks for your Postl!
 
Thanks op. The body is the body. It gets taken for granted until issues arise. What we all are living through and the support of these boards ease the struggle. Btw, my bro is retired career marine. Much respect.
 
Thank you for posting this. I have gradually been telling people I feel I can trust, but I think your post will help me feel more able to share.
 
I refuse to feel any shame in something I cannot control. I am incontinent and wear nappies. I no longer care who knows. If they have a problem with it then it is for them to deal with I have dealt with it and choose to accept it and get on with my life. Al my close friends and family know I wear nappies 24/7 and are fine with it. I don't flaunt it but I make no effort to hide it either.
 
I admire your courage. I'm too wrapped up in worrying about what other people think of me to be ready to do something like that. I can tell myself that the people whose opinions matter to me are the ones who wouldn't reject me over that, but I can't quite get myself to internalize that advice enough to take the plunge.
 
I worry about what the people behind me will think when they see my bunched up pants. I work very hard to find tops that are long enough to cover my butt, but it's been difficult. In terms of product I use abena abri flex level 3 which I order online. It's meant for overnight, but I wear them all the time. I have urge incontinence which means when I go, my bladder empties almost completely. I
 
First, MarineJohn, Thank you for your service!

Second, congratulations on taking such a big step for your self. I can imagine the relief of knowing others now know, and that their response has been positive. Once the internal burden is removed, you feel free to be yourself and may even get continued support along the way.

I long for the day I get the courage to open up. I believe it will happen, but I am not there yet. At this point my wife and medical staff know. My wife is uncomfortable about the situation which makes me that much more reluctant to share my situation. I also work in finance, so my peers may not be as understanding. We had half of the office return to the building last week (we had been working from home) and I made it through the week with no one finding out, but in my mind I have been rehearsing ways to handle the situation if I am "outed." I have no desire to flaunt my situation, I just want to get to a point I do not feel embarrassed at the thought of admitting to others I am dependent on a diaper.

As of right now, I look at it like I have taken step one and made an effort to continue to live my life as normally as possible. I realized early on that I can only do that if I am wearing a diaper. I hope eventually people will be surprised to learn I have been wearing a diaper because they truly had no idea given the way I have been living my life even though internally there is a battle every day.
 
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