Inner strength

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Today, there has been alot on my mind.

I think of the unfairness of it all. A time stretching two or more years where I was trapped in a web of darkness, dispair, and self hate.

Today, I think of my parents. The ones who helped raise me - and the things good and bad that have gone on in my life.

I wonder - why didn't someone get me out of there sooner? Why didn't someone respond? I was out in a false reality where I couldn't be the person that I wanted to be. I wasn't the person I wanted to be. I hated the person I had become.

Since moving to a new apartment; I haven't felt scared. I haven't felt trapped. My health symptoms have improved in the sense when I'm at home i feel safe. I can go out and do things and not feel under the constant watch of family members who said they would treat me like i was a part of the family - but I wasn't.

Even though i still love them so much. I have to wait for them to come to me. To see me. A beautiful person and soul that just wanted to be a part of my families life.

Yeah, bladder problems suck. But family problems suck even more. I sit in my apartment; in my new home in a new place. Waiting, hoping - they will change.

Hoping they will see the person that is equal and beautiful and deserves to be loved.

Lately, I've been thinking as over the past several weeks of moving into my new apartment - of how bad it was in my old place mentally and physically. It was like a fishbowl in a sense - where I couldn't be myself.

What was I supposed to do? Regardless of the fact, I'm safe now; with inner strength.

Stronger than anything I've ever felt before. With inner strength; you can overcome anything, you can overcome anyone, and you can be the person you always were meant to be.

Free.

Amen.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs

 

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Yes!! Stay strong!

 

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You are making improvements and have a complicated past with your family. Sometimes, you need to see the long view: you can't make the past diffent, but you are definitely making yourself a better future. Try to not be stuck in the past. Acknowledge it, as you are doing, but move on. I think it's wonderful that you still love them and they you. That tells me you weren't completely crushed. And stay strong, as the fuzzykiwi says!

 

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I know this may not be the kind of thing you wish to hear, or that you may not be ready for it, but God tells us to forgive (as we have been forgiven). It is at once, 1)a command of God, but also 2)the hardest thing to do and 3)the easiest thing to do. It comes with the single greatest reward- and believe me, the freedom you experience from it is only part of that reward. You have had to put up with this stuff for long enough that you are able to recognize the security of a home life that isn't under the watch of prying eyes. If you choose to forgive those in your life that have doled out such grief, you will have to remember that there are several things that it does NOT mean: First, it doesn't mean that the abuse didn't happen; second, it doesn't mean that you have to give in and play by their rules, or even that you have to have these people in your life if you choose not to- in fact, you can set the rules for 'time spent in YOUR company' and third, it doesn't mean that they won't pay a price for their deeds. Here's something a lot of people don't realize- God says two things about revenge. One, 'Vengeance is MINE' - so in effect, when we forgive someone, what we are doing is assigning the task of payback to the single highest authority. Who better than The Single One who knows EVERYTHING else these people have done? The second thing He says is, "I WILL avenge." As you get to know Him, you will be increasingly happy that you are walking with Him and that you turned these matters over to Him. This is the shortest route to the life that we all want.

 

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I remember there once was a man in this country. A great man who carried what was known as a "big stick".

Throughout my own years of watching documentaries, and my own encounters with people, places, and researching history - I've found that stick was used for so much good. It made the country I love so much; America - prosper.

However over the years that stick has dwindled, it has almost like water slowly degrading it like driftwood as it floats to shore on a beach - eventually turns into nothing.

But I truly believe, with my own experiences of dealing with trauma, belittlement, and horrors from my own childhood - that one day; we could restore that stick to it's former glory. And I'm proud to say, that stick - was, is, and forever more be an American stick. A Big Stick created a smart man - who knew what the right thing to do not for the establishment, but for his people.

Since moving into a new apartment; I have forgiven so much - but sometimes, we must look inside ourselves and think? Do you want to help refurbish the stick or would you like to help it was a shore?

Proud to be an American.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs