How to tell my partner

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Hi ive been going through incontinence for about almost 3 years now. Before that my body was normal never had these leakage problems. Ive isolated myself from the public. I feel so humiliated when someone comes around me. I feel like the anxiety makes it worse at that moment. Ive seen doctors and urologist tell me everything is normal when i feel like its not. Ive tried medications and nothing has worked. It hasnt gotten any better. I have been in a long distance relationship for over a year now and havent told my partner.I am back within the same state and ive been avoiding to see my partner. I dated her for two years when i was normal and not going through this medical condition. Years passed and we started talking again and i havent told her about my incontinence over the distance. Im depressed knowing i wasnt always like this and how she would react to the smell. Or the idea of me having to wear leakage products. How can i go about it? How do i tell my partner?

 

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I don’t think there is a cut and dry answer for your question. Obviously this isn’t a new relationship with a new person. Though you said this has been a LD relationship, I don’t know how much time you’ve spent with her in person. How well do you know her and how do you think she would react to somebody wearing a diaper? I think when the time comes to talk about it, you should be “matter of fact” about this part of you and not make too much of a big deal about it. I think most people would want to “downplay” the significance of it at first so as not to scare her away. Those are a few thoughts I have on the subject.

 

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Hi I know exactly how you feel ,for me i have been talking online to a nice man for 8 months now and plan to meet him soon ,i have not met him yet and I'm horrified how I'm going to approach this , but you know one thing I feel inside is I am exhausted with feeling shame and lowering myself thinking everyone is better than me because they don't have this issue,i thought of just staying on my own ,i am an attractive woman so I get told alot but when I hear those words in the back of my mind I'm saying hmmmm but I don't know my secret,i know I'm my heart though that I want a partner ,i don't want to be alone for the rest of my life ,i was married and had 3 kids for 24years,divorced now I think the true secret is to respect ourselves ,to love ourselves ,as I'm sure you also are exchausted with belittling yourself to,i would properly text your friend and say I have something I would like to discuss with u that will be very hard for me to talk about,can we catch up and discuss,but only do this if u truly like this person,and know that they will still respect u ,i wish us both the best of luck pls let me know how u went best wishes Helena.

 

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G...,

I confess that it did take awhile for me to come to grips with my post-prostatectomy incontinence. Then, one day I awakened realizing that it is a medical condition, which half the people we talk to have in various shapes and forms. That said, to advise someone, when appropriate, that we have a condition and deal with it like putting our socks on every day really is not a big deal. Feel free to talk about it and realize that you are not perfect...but pretty darn close. Best wishes to you. Duane

 

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If your partner cares about you then these issues shouldn't be a problem for her. Its just a part of your life that you uave to live with and are doing the best you can to manage it.

I was recently in a similar situation not long ago. I started seeing someone about 5mos ago and I didn't tell him about my issues for a month...and it was a very hard conversation for me to have. I had have a few drinks first lol. And he could tell I was incredibly nervous.

After I told him, he just hugged me and assured me that it didn't bother him. He said that as long as I'm comfortable with managing my issues by wearing diapers, he will be supportive of me and never do anything to make me feel inferior or like less of a man.

 

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I was nervous about telling my significant other. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. She had a lot of questions, and afterwards I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest.

Just remember that nobody is perfect. Bladder issues ate embarrassing, but there are far worse things to have. If you understand this, your spouse probably does, too

 

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@Enlightenment :

We wish you well in your future relationship. Many here are in support of you and you've noted the understanding and empathy expressed. It does help a lot.

 

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This cannot be easy. I wish you the best.