Frustration

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It is frustrating how to feels like their are no good resources for advice on managing incontinence while being young and for the most part otherwise healthy. It seems pretty much the assumption in most resources is that people my age especially men don't deal with this or if they do it is the result of some major health problem. This reflects both in products offered and in information available. Products for the most part seem to be either designed for high capacity required for a sedentary lifestyle or for low absorbency for small leaks that occur with an active lifestyle. It feels like their is nothing out there that can both provide protection for when my bladder is leaking badly and also not cause problems when I am active. Obviously, I don't expect a complete roadmap but it is frustrating when a lot of the internet's solution to incontinence is this is how to make it go away when in my case and I'm sure others managing it is the only option, and when it comes to managing things there is pretty much nothing out there. Sorry for ranting a bit just feeling frustrated

 

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I've been astonished over time in the forum to see how individual and unique each sufferers issue is. There are a number of categories like injury or illnesses but for the otherwise healthy it seems a mystery as to why it happens and successful treatments seem unpleasant so management via absorbent products seems the way it is handled.

 

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Incontinence is something that can be a deep wound for many people to talk about and you did a good job sharing what you wanted to share being young and struggling with incontinence and being between the cross roads on products that don't work because there too cheap vs thick diapers.

With that being said - I resonate with you in terms of finding adequate protection. Depends overnight pull ups for men do not work for me. Being a young guy with nocturnal enuresis in his 20s - i struggle with the fact that there is not many products out there that work for adults.

GoodNites worked for me when I was a lad - I don't see why a Depend overnight pull up would not work for a guy in his 20s with nocturnal enuresis.

So at this point I don't tell people I wear tabbed briefs - but I do. Its my secret. But im covered by a comforter and im asleep so nobody knows.

 

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I also use the tabbed briefs, sometime they leak mostly they don't. I have came to the conclusion that wetting the bed is not going to kill me. I no longer worry about it. I get by with guards during the day.

 

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Hey Greengold,
Thanks for sharing your frustrations. If there is anything that binds all of us here together I would put frustration & ignorance (by both clinicians & general population) in the top 10. I was only 27/28? when this happened to me and talk about ignorance & frustration, I had never even heard the word incontinence?
Then out of desperation I put myself in the care of alleged experts who at that time est.1990, didn’t even know the entire bladder lining was innervated, and told me they could at least stop the pain by burning out the lesions (now commonly known as IC/ Interstitial Cystitis) with a laser & acid baths! I woke up screaming in agony in the recovery room. The post-op team threatened a few days in the psych ward if I couldn’t get myself under control! They asked the previously infallible experts if this was a normal reaction to the procedure and only then did they tell the recovery team they had never actually performed it before, but THEORETICALLY it should have stopped my pain, but I was patient #1 in their study. They kindly offered to remove my entire bladder to stop the pain, trust me I almost did it. They put me on a morphine drip to the point I was in and out of consciousness for almost 2 weeks before a Urologist visiting from India asked if they had tried DMSO first and they had no idea what he was talking about. This was the largest Hi-Tech, cutting edge teaching hospital in San Diego! Sadly ignorance to our condition is slowly gaining recognition especially the fact that this happens to young healthy men, not just elderly and women delivering babies. The internet has given us not only information, but the power to share that information as we do here. Keep on fighting, you won’t hurt anyone here by voicing your frustration, we’re all on this same leaky boat together!
Sorry, just couldn’t resist the cheesy pun!

 

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@greengold4 I can relate. I'm always looking for better absorbent products. I once called a incontinence product company for help in selecting a product. When I told the sales person my need and my age, I could hear them audibly gasp! Yes, young men are not supposed to have an incontinence problem.

 

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@greengold4 I can relate. I'm always looking for better absorbent products. I once called a incontinence product company for help in selecting a product. When I told the sales person my need and my age, I could hear them audibly gasp! Yes, young men are not supposed to have an incontinence problem.

I agree that incontinence is a term most associated with the elderly because somehow it's more acceptable that older people's body's would be starting to fail which could lead to incontinence.

The truth is that lack of bladder and/or bowel control is something that nobody is supposed to experience at any age and everybody could experience. This lack of awareness about it affecting all ages from 4 to 114 leads people to delay seeking care of using management products for too long.

There will be no gasps from anyone at NorthShore...we work in a kind, caring manner with all ages and genders and specialize in products for heavy leaks for people wanting to maintain active lifestyle.

Free samples can be requested at https://www.northshorecare.com/request-for-product

 

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I have received horrible help from the experts as well. Many times, I have been told young men should not have this problem. It is laziness or we have no idea.

Every two to three quarters I look around the industry again as my problem has gotten worse. I almost could not walk around the office today because of the spasms and the pain. You are not alone. Just use this space to learn and find ways to work with what is out there.

 

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That is how I have often felt like is that pretty much the reaction from both the industry and doctors is a mostly healthy 23 year old shouldn't be having bladder issues, when I've dealt with an overactive bladder my whole life. There isn't a guide or any answers it often feels like when I have questions like how do I deal with my incontinence when playing sports, when dealing with college and so on. For example, it seems like most resources on being active with incontinence deal with mild stress incontinence. So typically recommend lighter protection. When I have accidents typically they are heavy voids and lighter protection doesn't cut it. Even high quality pull ups sometimes aren't enough. I've found thru trial and error that for me plastic backed briefs are typically necessary because often due to RL situations I can't change quickly often and also because of the peace of mind knowing leaks are unlikely. Even then, I'm still always looking for better products.

@NorthShoreAdam y'all do a great job. I typically get most of my supplies from y'all, I just wish it was possible to get higher quality briefs for cheaper but I would rather pay more and be protected.

 

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The way I see it, everyone, is if you're old enough to have a urinary system you're old enough to have problems with it, just like with any other system in your body. If it's there, problems are possible and the medicos need to wake up to that fact. I went to my doctor with a bladder infection a few years ago and he told me, "men shouldn't have bladder infections." But guess what? I'm a man, I have a bladder and it got infected so I had a bladder infection! As long as you have a urinary system you can have things not work right with it, just as you can have circulatory ailments, digestive ailments, skeletal issues and respiratory wrongs and right on down the list! The urinary system should be regarded no differently, no matter what your age is.

 

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Thank you once again Bill, you clarified what I, “The Windbag” was trying to say but did a much better job saying it! I and I’m sure many of us find that statement by the Dr incredibly ignorant if not ludicrous to put it mildly! It also must have put you on immediate alert that maybe I should find another Dr.! So these lapses by the Drs can also work in our favor at times. Not a guy I’d put much trust in, as he obviously has an incredibly myopic view of the world he works within.
My, “My chart” (Healthcare Database)simply says “Chronic Urinary Tract / Prostate inflammation” blah, blah, blah only because it’s just too much to put on a My Chart, but it does at least open a line of questions/ communication with any new Physician looking up my history.
Thanks again for your input, I wish I could be as succinct as you!

 

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Hi @Sprung87 I was a newspaper writer and one of the first things we learned was to tell the story in the first sentence or two. That is the who, what, where, when and why. The rest of the story just fills in the details, with the least important facts at the very bottom. So I guess succinctness is a journalistic trait that is still in my blood!
I agree that saying that men don't get bladder infections is a silly thing to say. As a follow up, I ultimately ended up with another doctor simply because I switched to a better health insurance plan. It was an HMO which, let's call him "Dr. X," does not carry. So I was outta there! He is a single practitioner with no partners and has his own office in what was once a motel. When I went to the nature center to do field trips in the mornings, I sometimes ran into Dr. X at the nearby Publix and saw him carrying out bags of paper towels and similar paper goods for his office. So he is literally the chief cook and bottle washer at his practice! He hasn't retired yet as I still see his car at his office on days when I drive past.

 

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Sprung87 - You have to understand that medical doctors have a license to "practice". They have to start somewhere!Caveat emptor or something like that.

 

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ritanofsinger, I must disagree with you to a point on this. Medical businesses or Dr. Factories continue to be commonly referred to as Medical Practices in our modern vernacular, as a carry over to separate an educated man or woman from an uneducated one. It’s the same as Law Practice, Accounting Practice etc. Nice little words like “Practice” just kind of reminded everyone of their Self-Importance in case you decided to step out of your class designated lane. We easily forget not toO long ago only Barbers could cut you in any way that caused bleeding! Could you imagine? “Yeah take a little off the sides like last time, but I need you to chop out my infected appendix while you’re at it”! I think Medical Practice just rolls of the tongue a bit better than “ I need a few hours off to run over to my Doctors Assembly Line for a few tests!
Most Doctors these days spend 4 years to get BS Degree, then another 4 years to get an MD. A small minority of these folks choose to then “Hang out a shingle” and go it alone, as few to zero highly accredited “Practices” would hire them and let them loose with patients at this stage, the Malpractice Insurance alone would be astronomical. These folks are usually considered the most dangerous in the industry, so quite often they get their experience truly practicing on Medicare/ Medicaid patients that are often hesitant to complain, sadly just glad to have a “Doctor” that will treat them at all.
Most Docs these days continue on to a 1-2 year internship to begin actually working with Humans. Before the internship it’s all books, theories & cadavers. After the internship a majority of Doctors move on to a residency of 2-7 years depending on a chosen specialty. It’s these internships & residencies where a newly minted DRs get their practice, usually with a lot of oversight. Only after this are most deemed ready to fly on their own so to speak.
I apologize in advance, I mean no offense to anyone; simply to clarify. I WAS the Crash Test Dummy a few times when I was younger and ignorant of how the system works and sadly I still carry the results with me today. We now have access to volumes of information on doctors these days, so as Snow has mentioned in the past, no unqualified Medical Practitioner is ever going to touch her. We can’t all be doctors, but we can KNOW about our doctors and make appropriate decisions for ourselves based on our own research. Just remember “Real MEN don’t get bladder infections”!
Have a great weekend!

 

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OK @Sprung87, I saw that about bladder infections and real men! Honestly, I've always wondered about the word "practice," as it applies to medicine. It's like, They're still practicing until they get it right? That was a very good explanation about how doctors go into "practice" and I wonder how many of us are "crash test dummies?" It's really quite frightening to think about. But all of the doctors I've seen or go to now are board certified which (I hope) means they have tested and are qualified to practice (that word again!) their specialties. And frankly I like the way you said, "I need....to run over to my doctors assembly line for a few tests!" I think that's accurate. I'll try that sometime! That said, the only real problem I had with the medical establishment was not an M.D. or D.O. but an optometrist. I have a macular pucker in my right eye. Both a regular ophthalmologist and a retina specialist (both M.D.s) diagnosed a macular pucker. No surgery needed at this time. That's fine as I really don't care much for having surgery! So it hasn't bothered me. August 2019 my insurance plan sent me to this optometrist who I didn't know from Adam. He insisted it was macular degeneration. He held his hand in front of my eye and said "you're going to be seeing like this." and then he said it will go to my left eye as well. That was a shock but I didn't panic. I made an appointment with the retinal specialist and he said it still wasn't macular degeneration but it was still the pucker and it hadn't changed. It was stable. He added that my left eye was "excellent." He said he was going to write a letter to the optometrist. I complained about the optometrist to my insurance carrier. So wonder if this optometrist was preying on Medicare and Medicaid patients?
As an addendum to the tale of Dr. X and his men don't get bladder infections lecture, I remember my dad told me he had a bladder infection at least a couple of times that I know of. Although he lived in the same town as I do now, he went to Dr. Y. Since my dad is no longer around and I think Dr. Y is retired, I may assume that Dr. Y didn't say men don't get bladder infections?
I also wonder if where doctors do internships and residencies makes a difference. I'm kind of suspicious now. Dr. X interned and did residency at East Carolina Medical Center in Greenville, N.C. He also went to medical school there. Ever hear of that place? Guess what, I haven't either. Before I went to Dr. X, I went to a D.O., Dr. R. I didn't think he was adequate for my needs either. He interned and did residency at a small osteopathic hospital in York, Pa. I think the place had fewer than 100 beds and was a community hospital. Makes me wonder how many different kinds of patients and how many different medical conditions he was exposed to there. Not a whole lot, I bet! So was he trying to practice on more exotic patients in Eustis, Florida?
Sorry for such a long post but there were many interesting points raised on your post, @Sprung87. I just had to comment.

 

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Sprung87 - Of course anybody, male or female can get a bladder infection. My brother-in-law in his late 70's had several before he died. My sister had to get very demanding for the doctor to take the trouble to figure out the cause. She had been an EMS volunteer for 17 years by this time and was actually teaching classes in a local hospital. One of the things I have liked about all of my doctors and P.A.s is that they don't discount my concerns. They even ask me, "What do you think is the matter?" I understand that a doctor is not going to heal me in most cases. But she is willing to help me heal in some way.