Coping with feelings of being defective

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Hello people of this website.

I have to self cath. This is new to me it's just been three and a half weeks since I have had to learn this.

I was sexually molested by several different men before I was eighteen years old. I grew up ashamed of my body because I was young and didn't understand why this kept happening to me. I blamed myself. Thankfully I do not feel this way today.

I didn't have my first pelvic exam until I was 26. I have not had any kids partly because I didn't want a bunch of doctors to see my vagina or poke around in there.

Now I have a serious urologic problem. A large percent of urologists are men(including mine but he is a great kind doctor and I am comfortable with him). Pelvic exams are very painful sometimes. Sex is painful.

I hate having to cath its uncomfortable and painful at times.
I also have a mild stricture of my urethra. In the process of experimenting(learning) with caths to find the best one for me my urethra has become swollen and painful at times. This combined with the stricture means pushing a catheter through a closed down, swollen, and bleeding urethra.

This is all very hard to live with and except.

Anyone have similar feelings?

Thank you for reading this.
My name is Beth

 

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Hi Beth
I have similar feelings at times. Believe me things will get better.

 

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myrebel,

Your childhood and adolescence must have been difficult indeed. You have my condolence, and my hope that life will improve for you. Incontinence and the need to self-catheterize are never easy. The problem is that, in order for doctors to learn what your problem is, they need to examine you, order some tests, and treat you, perhaps clean out the urethral stricture which seems to be causing you so much trouble. All of this is embarrassing; trying to remind yourself that the urologists and their staffs see this several times every day they are at work, reduces your chagrin by only a little. Good luck and keep us informed.

 

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Try using a Foley for a while then go back to self cathing, I do this and my PCP and urologist both agree