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I am 26 years old (female) dealing with incontinence ever since I can remember. I never told anyone about it. My mom did take me to the doctor a couple of times when I was 5 because I kept having accidents, but they told her there was nothing wrong with me and that it would disappear as I grew older. It didn't.
By that time my mom once made a joke about how the dog learned to pee before I did. I was so little but I still can remember the comparison. My brother would sometimes ask why it smelled so badly? And always made a disgust face. Kids at school (if they noticed) would make fun of me if they catched me whenever I was having an accident because I ran, laughed or cried. My parents told me I had to "control my mind" because if I didn't I would be having accidents as an adult, that scared me so much.
At that age (4-5) I had to learn how to hide every single accident. I used to throw my underware to the trash, sometimes I would go to the restroom and wet all of my clothes with water and pretend I was playing with water (nope, I was just crying alone) so no one would notice I had an accident. I loved wearing long blouses to hide the upper part of my pants. Sometimes I would bring extra clothes to partys in my backpack. I cried all the time. And I decided to keep it a secret for the rest of my life.. and I almost did.
In university I started to have intimacy with my boyfriend, it was the scariest thing. Would he notice how my underware looks? Would I leak during sex? Would he be disgusted by me as much as I was (am)? I fell into a depressive disorder and went to see a psychiatrist, I was taking antidepressants and I have been in therapy for almost 6 years now. It took me a whole year in therapy to talk to the doctor about my condition, I still cannot talk about it all the way through. (To post this was actually his suggestion to see if it may help to hear from other people dealing with the same problem).
I went already to three different urologists, none of them with any diagnosis, because apparently everything is normal and that just makes me feel so alone. I tried tolterodine but the side effects were unbearable to me and the price was just not in my budget. I see many adults dealing with incontinence but never heard of someone dealing with it since childhood. I am really not sure if sharing my story may serve me or someone... I am quite far from accepting this condition after 26 years of life having it, but I am pretty sure it is because of all my childhood experiences rather than my actual ones. I am trembling and crying as I write this down... But anyway really any words of advice/support would be very much appreciated. Thank you for reading
By that time my mom once made a joke about how the dog learned to pee before I did. I was so little but I still can remember the comparison. My brother would sometimes ask why it smelled so badly? And always made a disgust face. Kids at school (if they noticed) would make fun of me if they catched me whenever I was having an accident because I ran, laughed or cried. My parents told me I had to "control my mind" because if I didn't I would be having accidents as an adult, that scared me so much.
At that age (4-5) I had to learn how to hide every single accident. I used to throw my underware to the trash, sometimes I would go to the restroom and wet all of my clothes with water and pretend I was playing with water (nope, I was just crying alone) so no one would notice I had an accident. I loved wearing long blouses to hide the upper part of my pants. Sometimes I would bring extra clothes to partys in my backpack. I cried all the time. And I decided to keep it a secret for the rest of my life.. and I almost did.
In university I started to have intimacy with my boyfriend, it was the scariest thing. Would he notice how my underware looks? Would I leak during sex? Would he be disgusted by me as much as I was (am)? I fell into a depressive disorder and went to see a psychiatrist, I was taking antidepressants and I have been in therapy for almost 6 years now. It took me a whole year in therapy to talk to the doctor about my condition, I still cannot talk about it all the way through. (To post this was actually his suggestion to see if it may help to hear from other people dealing with the same problem).
I went already to three different urologists, none of them with any diagnosis, because apparently everything is normal and that just makes me feel so alone. I tried tolterodine but the side effects were unbearable to me and the price was just not in my budget. I see many adults dealing with incontinence but never heard of someone dealing with it since childhood. I am really not sure if sharing my story may serve me or someone... I am quite far from accepting this condition after 26 years of life having it, but I am pretty sure it is because of all my childhood experiences rather than my actual ones. I am trembling and crying as I write this down... But anyway really any words of advice/support would be very much appreciated. Thank you for reading
Now what's the best way to get into it? Just what you're doing now, reaching out to us. The more you come to talk to us the easier it gets. What I would do would be to come here at least once a day even if it's just to say "hello." Or just to say what kind of a day you've had. We will reply! And then you will find that you are getting used to it especially as you see our screen names time after time. And by the way, Checmec, from the posts you have so far I think you're doing just fine in getting into this. You have done a great job in telling us a bit about you. 