Bedwetting Adult Son

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I have a 21 year old son who still wets the bed almost every night I fear it is causing major depression and he does not want to deal with it. We as parents have tried everything we can think of. He refuses to put any effort into managing the situation. I think he has just given up hope. How do we manage this? Is there hope? Is there help? How do i show him or convince him it can be managed and it will be ok. Has anyone had this issue this late in life and just grown out of it? That's what we were always told, "he will grow out of it" but he hasn't and i fear he won't. It is a drain on his physical and mental health. I am going to try to get an appointment with a Urologist at the Cleveland Clinic. Just looking for help and feeling desperate for help.

 

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Hey Redskins,

I would first try to pursue a urologist and see if there is an underlying medical issue. I developed Overactive Bladder Syndrome in my mid twenties which causes my bladder issues. But it's different for everybody.

If they have Overactive bladder issues during the day, there might be programs available or medicine that will improve other symptoms.

Ask about myrbetriq if that's the case, it worked for me for a while.

Also, I would suggest researching into the Bedwetting Treatment Center in Farmington Hills, Michigan. There a little over two grand, but while I can't speak about the people or the program themselves, it's still an option.

Take care,
Honeycombs.

 

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Hi,

I would see what the urologist might recommend as it could be something medical-related that might be causing this. Aside from good mattress protection and several so they can be washed, dried and have a spare together with wearing cloth or disposable protection to bed or using an external catheter with a night bag set up, I am not sure. I am sure you have advised him to stop drinking fluids 2 hours before going to bed and not to drink caffeinated drinks at night and stay away from spicy food, I am sorry you are suffering and hope you get the help you need.

 

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There is hope as one has to be more positive about the situation as sliding into depression will not help anyone in this situation.

The situation sucks but it’s the reality of it. Your son needs to accept it and move it forward. It does become easier overtime but it is some hard self work to get there. None of us who have incontinence want to have it but accepting it does get easier over time and then it gets easier and easier.

I am sorry your son is in this camp like many of us on this forum. Starting with a urologist is a great step and then also I would suggest a psychologist, as the next part which he may be unaware of is his depression level and is he really coping with it or sinking?

I hope you find a path forward which works for him and you all as a family.

With love

Jason

 

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@laalaauk How often do you replace mattress protectors? How do you safely detect when they get too old?? I did not get to that point yet, but wonder when I should just get a new one. Thank you!

 

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I still wet the bed almost every night at 21 but by 22 had finally become dry at night so there is every chance he may still grow out of it.

 

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I agree that he should certainly see a urologist about the situation. However, at his age, he is statistically somewhat unlikely to find a correction. If that’s the case, he needs to accept the situation and wear protection to keep his bed dry at night. Many of us on this site have been dealing with bedwetting and other incontinence issues for decades. Incontinence and especially bedwetting are actually relatively easily managed handicaps.

 

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I have a 21 year old son who still wets the bed almost every night I fear it is causing major depression and he does not want to deal with it. We as parents have tried everything we can think of. He refuses to put any effort into managing the situation. I think he has just given up hope. How do we manage this? Is there hope? Is there help? How do i show him or convince him it can be managed and it will be ok. Has anyone had this issue this late in life and just grown out of it? That's what we were always told, "he will grow out of it" but he hasn't and i fear he won't. It is a drain on his physical and mental health. I am going to try to get an appointment with a Urologist at the Cleveland Clinic. Just looking for help and feeling desperate for help.

I was very bad at managing my bedwetting growing up. I just didn't care.

 

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Red.......,
A story I've told before that you have probably missed: the easy answer is just stop the leakage and the problem goes away... the difficult detail is in how one does that. In my case, I'm quite reliable; I leak all day and to a lesser degree every night. I've solved my issue, not with any device that is presently on the market, but with a soft silicone device that my engineer partner and I have designed and filed a patent on recently. Obviously, a motivated son is necessary to solve the problem, however; in time he will be. While we are no longer actively seeking volunteer testers for our aid, I would be happy to forward one in hopes that your son's well-being is improved. I wear mine up to 22 hours a day if I have hydrated, one way or another, in the evening. Because it is of flexible material, it is to be used with a backup pad for the occasional moments of daytime stress leakage, such as when swinging a golf club. It works incredibly well at night, since gravity is not adding to intravesical pressures. Let me know if you'd like more info to pass on. Best wishes, Fynlee amhelp@comcast.net

 

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I have been a bedwetter nearly my whole life. I grew up in 50's and 60's. Diapers and plastic pants were not relatively available. I never wore any protection other than a plastic shower curtain on my bed. When I turned 18, my wetting pretty much subsided. This was in 1969. My bedwetting returned a few years later. At this time adult Diapers were just hitting the market. I went to numerous doctors to find out why I bed wet. Couldn't find a reason. Tried most medications, but they didn't work, and side effects I couldn't tolerate. Doctor's suggested that I should use Diapers for my bedwetting issues. I originally used disposables, but they became costly. Then went to reusable, expensive at first, but much cheaper in the long run. I found a great urologist at the Cleveland Clinic, but he left the Clinic about a year ago. I found a new one and he is just as good, at the Clinic. I am from Cleveland area, living in lake county. I am now 70+, and still bed wet and wear Diapers and plastic pants every night.

 

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My bedwetting came back in my late 40's but at least this time I was given a reason why. No one ever could say why I wet as a kid and a teenager and even as a young adult. All I got was "Oh he'll grow out of it"

 

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Hi,

Sorry to hear about yours and your son's struggle with bedwetting. My bedwetting started when I was a teen and has continued since then. For me it is not an overnight or even weekly thing, just occasional incidents here and there. Though my wetting is not frequent, I have, and still do, get frustrated, discouraged, and upset from time to time about it. So I understand these feelings.

As others have said your son will need to take some ownership in wanting to manage his bedwetting in order to be successful it stopping it, lessen it frequency, or have a positive plan for managing it.

This lack of commitment could be due to several things. For one it could be that he just isn't motivated to take ownership of it, though least likely I'd think. Another reason is he has given up and resigned himself that he will not be able to control his bedwetting or make improvements. Or somewhere inbetween these two thoughts.

Several things could possible help. Maybe a little counselling to help him recognize that first bedwetting, though very embarrassing due to society stigma about it, is really not that bad. As I has been mentioned in other posts there are a whole lot of other conditions and issues that are a lot worst and harmful to ones health.

Second the counselling might help him to recognize stage to managing his bedwetting. First is to take responsibility and ownership for and acceptance the he has an issue. Then that its up to him to manage his bedwetting by doing things like taking care of wet bedding and clothes in the morning, showering, and things like that. In the right mindset these actions of owning and handling his issue on his own can be empowering and motivating to go to the next stage of working towards a solution to his bedwetting.

Another thought is to not allow the doctors, family, or others say 'He'll out grow it in time.' This can be good advise when a child is young since it is more likely that it is true and the child will out grow their bedwetting in a few years. however for an teen and young adults it can come across as an empty promise since it does not seem to be happening.

Good luck to you and your son. Helping him to recognize that he can be empowered by taking responsibility for managing his bedwetting can be the start to his acceptance of his issue and working towards a solution.

 

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@GeorgeF I have had the same one, plastic full envelope style, for many years. When I change the sheets I put a terry covered plastic one over the top and wash that with the sheets. They last many years and only 1 back plastic has started shredding. The plastic envelope one containing the mattress rarely gets wet so has not been washed. I hope that helps. Although i dont wet the bed, i have the protection just incase the catheter comes away from the night bag pipe as you never know when that might happen.

 

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I can't speak to "Growing out of it" since I seem to have "Grown into" my bladder problems over the years. I'd like to offer some support and tell you that your son can have a great life even if he doesn't. I'm late thirties, married with kids. It's just something that I've accepted (more or less) and try my best not to let it get to me. My wife was the biggest source of support and turned diapers from something shameful to underwear.

+1 for the suggestion to visit a doctor. My kids aren't adults, but my two oldest are teenagers. I know they can be headstrong. It sounds like he's not using any kind of absorbent protection. That's going to make a big difference in managing problems for now. It may not stop the wetting, but it will mostly stop the wet clothes, covers, bed, and that can go a long way.

 

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I know exactly where your son is. I was pretty depressed when I was a nightly bedwetter at his age. I didn’t want to talk to doctors again about it because they always said the same thing, “he’ll outgrow it”. I did make the decision to go back to pin on diapers with plastic pants when I was 18 and have stayed in them ever since. I wore them, without choice, until I entered high school then had to deal with middle of the night floods and dealing with the mess. Not trying to be discouraging however many 21 year old bedwetters are just that bedwetters. Wearing protection to minimize the mess can be a major relief even though trying to convince an adult of this can easily feel like a concesssion and revergance to toddler years. That’s just a mind set that a responsible adult can get over because it is what it is, an uncontrollable condition. Too bad almost all other health conditions people face are dealt with necessary measures. Proper protection is an adult responsibility.

 

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I know exactly where your son is. I was pretty depressed when I was a nightly bedwetter at his age. I didn’t want to talk to doctors again about it because they always said the same thing, “he’ll outgrow it”. I did make the decision to go back to pin on diapers with plastic pants when I was 18 and have stayed in them ever since. I wore them, without choice, until I entered high school then had to deal with middle of the night floods and dealing with the mess. Not trying to be discouraging however many 21 year old bedwetters are just that bedwetters. Wearing protection to minimize the mess can be a major relief even though trying to convince an adult of this can easily feel like a concesssion and revergance to toddler years. That’s just a mind set that a responsible adult can get over because it is what it is, an uncontrollable condition. Too bad almost all other health conditions people face are dealt with necessary measures. Proper protection is an adult responsibility.

Brilliant answer. I couldn't have put it better my self.

 

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@Stevewet may I ask please, what was the reason/cause that was determined? Thanks! So far, no diagnosis for me. I never had this problem as a child. Only in the last 4 years or so. I am 54.

 

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@Stevewet may I ask please, what was the reason/cause that was determined? Thanks! So far, no diagnosis for me. I never had this problem as a child. Only in the last 4 years or so. I am 54.

I was diagnosed as having diabetic neuropathy which as cause my incontinence and enuresis.