As if today wasn't bad enough

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Wow 2 post barely 6 hours apart. After the ordeal I went through earlier today I've been just emotionally exhausted and drained, and couldn't see how today could get any worse. Well here comes the universe to say "but wait... There's more"
let me start off by saying I am more or less diapered nearly 24/7. I know I'm always risking it when I'm not.i have very little bladder control anymore, and my bowel control is also slowly vading, but I still have it kind of. If had some close calls and a small number of small accidents. I'm sure you can see where this is going....
After I got home I showered and cried for a good 30 mins and stayed in the bathroom until I went again. Against my best judgement I decided to hold off on putting a new diaper on and just put on regular underwear and some comfortable leggings, just to feel normal again, even just for a few hours. I watched how much I was drinking and didn't eat anything, and even with all the precautions my body STILL betrayed me, in front of my husband none the less. He got home from work as I was getting the mail. We have a very long driveway and I got that ever familiar feeling in my stomach that says I have like two minutes to get to the bathroom. Starting to panic I'm near running to the house, get through the front door and make it past the kitchen and almost to the bathroom when I get hit with horrible cramping to where I literally can't move. Husband sees me and asks what wrong. I can't get any words out. I'm in my 30's and I had a horrible bowel accident not diapered in front of my husband. I haven't experienced one this bad while not being sick in God knows when. I feel like a child. I feel gross, and I am so incredibly humiliated. I guess it's really time to face it and be truly 24/7. I knew that this could happen but just like when I was told my bladder control was going away, I didn't want to think it would happen so soon. Please don't tell me you will pray for me. I don't believe in god, never have. Nothing against anyone who does of course. But right now I just need words of encouragement. This is the absolute lowest I've ever felt or been.

 

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zora, you are not gross and you are not to blame, it was just unfortunate this happened to you.

their will be good days, and their will be bad. sometimes you'll scream and feel so irritated about your situation, and that's okay. we're human after all, irritation comes with being human

please continue to reach out here on the forum. their's not a single person here who thinks you are gross or that you are to bhlame

btw: I don't know if you are using your real name on here or not, but in any case: zora is a lovely name

 

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Hi Zora,

I had the same situation when I was working in the community with patients and luckily I had a pad on at the time so it was all contained. I understand how you felt and I am sure lots of other people have had the same situation as you. In time you will get over the humiliation that the situation made you feel and you must not let it affect you. Just dust yourself off and start again. Don't let this spoil your life. It's just another accident. Wishing you a speedy recovery and a good day ahead.

 

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Hi @Zora, Those were wonderful things that @emily91 and @laalaauk said and no way to improve on that! But they, along with everyone else here are extremely supportive people which many others believe is a rare commodity these days! But fortunately it isn't rare on this forum. Everyone here can relate to what you're going through and we know how easy it is to feel discouraged. But please don't lose sight of the fact you are very special because there is only one YOU and I'm sure whoever knows you can consider themselves really lucky!
And it's so true that there are good days and bad days. As for the bad days we've just got to ride it out and as people tell me, "just roll with the punches!" When that happens, I always think "tomorrow will be a better day!" And that will happen to you.
And more importantly, please don't ever think you're gross or otherwise inadequate!! It simply is not so! And you know, since we are human, everybody's body betrays us at one time or other as it's just a part of living. Even if someone can claim to have "the perfect body," they are not the type people you would want to know!!! It's when we don't have "the perfect body" is when we show our true character which is what determines how we are, not body perfection.
As for needing protection 24/7, well that's what we need to do and it's OK! After all people do need glasses or hearing aids sometimes or a cane or to carry around an epinephrine syringe (allergies) or whatever else is needed. That's how people deal with things and it makes life easier and much more livable. And it's really nice that we have now things like protective underwear that are so readily available.
I hope what everyone here so far has said helps you feel better and really elevates you to where you're not feeling so low. But the most important thing is whenever you begin to feel low, you know there are people here just a few keystrokes away who care and will help raise your spirits! And if you need to do 2 posts six hours apart then that is completely OK!

 

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Beautifully said Bill. I would also add wearing loose plastic pants over the pad can really help in situations like this by keeping what is inside, in and doesn't end up soiling clothes or car seats as I have learned.

 

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Sounds like my 2nd thought (on what we must do is to learn from every experience) is a bit late.

I was going to suggest to carry a couple extra diapers and a change of pants in your hand bag when you go out. I helps to buy two pants exactly the same and do the clothing changing in public toilet is not noticeable. Carry a plastic bag you can seal like a large zip lock for soiled clothes and a an outer tsmall kitchen trash bag to contain it further. Carry also cleaning wipes.


Other than that, yep, that was a horrible time you had yesterday.
And WONDERFUL Zposts above.

 

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Hi May, it's never a bit late when you have express thoughts about learning from your experiences. Suggestions like that are always timely and welcomed.
I especially like your idea of having two pants that are exactly the same, then if something happens then nobody is any the wiser!!! That idea makes a lot of sense!! And sure, a couple of extra diapers is always a good idea because there are going to be times when you're glad you took the time to pack extras!!! You just never know when you're going to need them and when you do, you're glad you have them!!

 

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@Zora Hello, to a fellow atheist! There are a few of us here, but only a few! Primarily females.

 

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I once had a very public bowel accident. I wanted to literally die right then. The memory still makes me cringe after several decades. But I've gone on to have a successful life. I'm happy. But incontinence is always lurking in the back of my mind. It has shaped my whole life. I wish I had words of wisdom to make sense of it all. But I don't.