Welcome. I hope you find support here.
You’ve done the right thing by seeing your Dr and having tests to see what might be causing your bladder issues. Stress and anxiety can certainly cause bladder problems, just think about that nervous feeling before an interview! So as others have said try and reduce the anxiety around your incontinence. One way would be to find appropriate absorbent protection, so you don’t have to worry about the risk of wetting your clothes. That has helped me manage and accept my incontinence.
This is my background. I am now 61. I wet the bed as a child and was still in nappies at night aged 6. I was then dry for 5 years but started to wet the bed again aged 11. I was away at boarding school at the time. There were a number of boys who also wet the bed and we reported to the matron each night and changed into pull on terry nappy pants and plastic pants before bed. Inevitably we had waterproof sheets on the bed too. Back at home, I was the eldest of four siblings all of whom were dry at night, our family nanny soon realised I had a problem and I told her what happened at school. She then suggested that it would be a good idea if I went back to wearing nappies at night at home to save on wet beds, wet pyjamas and disturbed sleep. Although embarrassed I agreed that it was sensible. She was very understanding and supportive and assured me that I would grow out of it so not to worry. Back then it was pin on terry nappies and plastic pants and she would change me into a nappy after evening bathtime and before she retired for the evening. This meant that I would then be in a nappy when playing or watching tv before going to bed, which was embarrassing if we had people to stay but my siblings never made fun of me and my parents chose to ignore it. I sometimes wonder who was more embarrassed by it as they left our nanny to deal with it. Different times! One downside was that once in my nappy that was it and if I needed to wee before going to bed I had to use my nappy. Some nights were wetter than others! I was still in nappies at night until I was 14 when I eventually became reliably dry. Twelve years later I suffered a spinal injury playing rugby and I started to once again wet the bed. Initially a few nights a week but then every night. I spoke to my GP, saw a urologist and was referred to a specialist nurse continence adviser who was just so understanding. I tried meds, unsuccessfully, and catheters that gave me UTIs and so in the end she suggested that I go back to wearing nappies at night. I had told her of my earlier bed wetting and how it was managed. This was on the one hand no big deal as I had previously worn nappies. Better still they were now disposable adult nappies. On the other hand it was isolating and I was embarrassed and scared to stay away from home. This impacted on my social life and on forming relationships. It took a good couple of years before I was comfortable and confident enough about wearing nappies to stay overnight anywhere and it needed careful planning - packing nappies, nappy bags, plastic sheet for the bed, talc etc. I have had some embarrassing moments. Once when a friend sat on my bed at home and heard the plastic sheet crinkling, lifted the bottom sheet and asked why I had a plastic sheet on the bed. I told her. Once when unexpectedly I ended up having to stay the night - it had been a good dinner! - and had to tell my hostess of my problem. She had two young children and so immediately went and got a waterproof sheet and put it on the bed! And once when at home I was changing into a nappy before bed and a friend who was staying the night came into my room to say good night!
When I was 30 I met the person who was to become my wife of now 31 years. I had always been very sensitive and secretive over my having to wear nappies at night but from the moment I met her I knew she was the one for me. We met through mutual friends who knew of my problem so may have said something. Either way, that evening things were getting intimate and so I told her straightaway that I had something rather embarrassing to tell her and proceeded to tell her about my bed wetting, the injury, and that I had to wear nappies at night. She was amazing about it and completely understanding and supportive. I knew then even more that she was a ‘keeper’!
Over the years my spinal injury/issues and operations eventually led to me losing all bladder control. I now have no feeling of needing to wee or actually weeing (other than feeling my nappy get wet!) and so I now wear adult nappies 24/7. I am very lucky to have them supplied FOC on the NHS. Pull ups have never been absorbent enough so I wear tabbed/taped all in one adult nappies. I have worn Tena Slip adult nappies from the very beginning and for the last ten years or so the Tena Slip Maxi or Ultima Active Fit adult nappies which were plastic backed but these have recently been changed to ID Slip Maxi at night and Extra Plus during the day. They are extremely absorbent, more so than the Tena Slip, but being ‘breathable’ are soft backed and whilst also very comfortable do not stay up when dry let alone wet, so I have to wear a PUL nappy cover over them.
Wearing adult nappies 24/7 is now just part of my everyday clothing. It enables me to live a normal and active life. Because I have no feeling of weeing and have become so accustomed and unconscious of wearing nappies, I do need to regularly check how wet I am and change. My wife will remind me or check that I have a dry nappy on before we go out and will also tell me if she thinks my nappy looks like it is very wet.
At the end of the day better a wet nappy than wet clothing!
