So Unhappy In This Hell

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Two years ago I had what is called a " Turps " procedure, afterwards, I was incontinent and since then the physical " romance " in my relationship with my partner has been totally absent.
I do not feel like a man and the grief of this is very difficult to live with.
Is anyone else in this hell of a situation
If anyone has any advice, please let me/us know

 

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I can understand, though I'm not sure I can offer any good advice as I am meeting with my VA Urologist next week to discuss my own treatment options due to Agent Orange related prostate cancer. My PSA is incredibly high (27.25) and my Gleason Score is 7. Before I meet with the Doctor I will have a CT scan to determine whether the cancer is confined to the prostate or if it has become locally advanced. (My bone scan came back negative, though, so at least there's been some half-good news!) Either way, though, I know I will likely be facing the same problems you have soon and wish I could help us both.

As one who was a combat Infantryman, a member of an Army Bomb Disposal Unit and then finally as a Drill Sergeant my whole "sense" of being a man feels like it is being taken away from me. But I also know this: I refuse to let this actually make me less of a man than what I know I am. I don't surrender that easily; you don't have to either.

Be strong, brother. We can both do it!

 

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I can understand, though I'm not sure I can offer any good advice as I am meeting with my VA Urologist next week to discuss my own treatment options due to Agent Orange related prostate cancer. My PSA is incredibly high (27.25) and my Gleason Score is 7. Before I meet with the Doctor I will have a CT scan to determine whether the cancer is confined to the prostate or if it has become locally advanced. (My bone scan came back negative, though, so at least there's been some half-good news!) Either way, though, I know I will likely be facing the same problems you have soon and wish I could help us both.

As one who was a combat Infantryman, a member of an Army Bomb Disposal Unit and then finally as a Drill Sergeant my whole "sense" of being a man feels like it is being taken away from me. But I also know this: I refuse to let this actually make me less of a man than what I know I am. I don't surrender that easily; you don't have to either.

Be strong, brother. We can both do it!

Thanks Pek and I sincerely wish you all the good luck with your ongoing tests and I hope the outcome will only be good.

 

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Derek,

I'm in the same boat. My urologist here in NC convinced me that I needed to have TURP or else all sorts of bad things could happen. So, I had Greenlight Laser procedure March 10, 2016 and have been totally incontinent since then. I've had numerous procedures trying to solve the problem, and I'm still screwed up. The Greenlight procedure apparently did a lot of damage in the area of the external sphincter, so I've got a long stricture there. Because of the location, and the complexity, trying to have a surgical repair is too risky.

Last sex my wife and I had was March 8, 2016, two days before the procedure that screwed me up. I can't think of asking her to with the leakage.

An artificial sphincter (AMS 800) would be possible if I could get the strictures under control long enough, but several attempts (dilation, urethrotomy, ) have failed. I traveled to other cities and even California to see if surgical experts can do something with no success. I've spent about $10 K out of pocket for incontinence supplies, and my fruitless trips to doctors trying to find a way out.

I also served a year in Nam, 65-66 in 6th Bn, 71st Arty (Hawk).

Glenn

 

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@glenn77

Glenn, are you aware that Prostate Cancer has been definitively linked to Agent Orange exposure for anyone who served in-country, as well as for those who flew and/or serviced the aircraft that sprayed that poison? The VA has determined that there is a "presumptive correlation' between AO and certain cancers, among which prostate cancer is the leading one. It is compensable as a disability and *blush* the VA may even pay for diapers. (Probably olive drab and made of old GP Medium tents, though!)

For more info go here:

www.publichealth.va.gov/exposures/agentorgange/institutes-of-medicine.asp

And here:

www.publichealth.va.gov/exposures/agentorgange/locations

They owe you, buddy - big time.

 

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Derek53, I recently had a second TURP using Holmium laser to break-up prostate calcium stones that had developed as an after-effect of having radiation treatment for prostate cancer (in 2011). I had no issues with incontinence after my first TURP, back in 2001, but have been dealing with serious incontinence issues since my second one this past January. I did a lot of research, and what I learned was during a TURP the INTERNAL urethral sphincter is removed, but the EXTERNAL urethral sphincter should not be affected (and you definitely need to confirm with your urologist that your external sphincter is still intact). Since it is a muscle it can be rehabbed/retrained.

I have been doing a 10-week rehab program developed by a physical therapist, Vanita Gaglani. This is a very complete and comprehensive program (not just doing Kegels, but much broader in scope)that Vanita outlined in a book she wrote, Life After Prostatectomy and Other Urological Surgeries. I just completed my 10th week recently, and I am vastly improved. If it hadn't been for a prostate infection I developed during the program I believe I would be only needing a light pad at this point. Also, one of the after-effects of radiation treatment is that the "good" tissue left behind doesn't heal as easily as "normal" tissue would, so whatever damage was done to my external sphincter during the second TURP is naturally going to take longer to heal. I am planning to go have a personal consultation with Vanita (we both live in Florida) to see what she recommends to get me 100% cured.

I encourage you to get her book and give her program a go. As I mentioned, it involves diet and lifestyle changes, focused breathing, a focus on strengthening the entire midsection, and a log you maintain to help document your progress. More than anything the progress I've made has given me hope that, with the right effort, I CAN regain my continence.

If you have any questions reach out to me and we can further discuss.

 

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Thanks cmulwee I shall look into her program. My turps was due to not being able to pee very well. I have had Prostrate infection on and off for the last 40 years, but hope that having fermented milk which is full of good bacteria. I also drink a lot of Lemon Barley which is supposed to e good in fighting infection. None of this was suggested by any Doctor.
I will now check out your suggestion.
Thank you, it is appreciated

 

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Derek,

I'm in the same boat. My urologist here in NC convinced me that I needed to have TURP or else all sorts of bad things could happen. So, I had Greenlight Laser procedure March 10, 2016 and have been totally incontinent since then. I've had numerous procedures trying to solve the problem, and I'm still screwed up. The Greenlight procedure apparently did a lot of damage in the area of the external sphincter, so I've got a long stricture there. Because of the location, and the complexity, trying to have a surgical repair is too risky.

Last sex my wife and I had was March 8, 2016, two days before the procedure that screwed me up. I can't think of asking her to with the leakage.

An artificial sphincter (AMS 800) would be possible if I could get the strictures under control long enough, but several attempts (dilation, urethrotomy, ) have failed. I traveled to other cities and even California to see if surgical experts can do something with no success. I've spent about $10 K out of pocket for incontinence supplies, and my fruitless trips to doctors trying to find a way out.

I also served a year in Nam, 65-66 in 6th Bn, 71st Arty (Hawk).

Glenn

It is a real bummer and no one could start to understand how isolated this makes you feel within your relationship. I am very sorry to hear your search for cure has not been more positive

 

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Here in the UK I think our Neurologists aren't as on the ball as they are over in the USA