Protection escalation

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As I have mentioned before, my wife has OAB, and while she is supportive of my manner of dealing with OAB by relying on diapers, she is opposed to it for herself. She uses pads and will use my north shore boosters to make them better.

The problem we are dealing with right now is her need to get up so many times in the night to use the bathroom. It is destroying her sleep. She is terrified of her symptoms worsening and especially as they did worsen after the birth of our son. We hope to one day get pregnant with a second child and she’s fearful that will make it worse too. kegels have not helped. She also can’t do the avoidance of fluids two hours before bed.

My question is if she does end up using a diaper for bedtime, will that cause a reliance on diapers during the day. Will it worsen her symptoms during the day if she uses the diaper as opposed to getting up 3-4 times a night?

 

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I am not sure there is an easy or right answer to the question.

I would think depending on the biological mechanism causing the leaks would influence if/when both night and day protection is needed.

My wife also had children and she is constantly running to the restroom. She has had some evening accidents, but as I already am in diapers for my own problems, we have a mattress protector. I just noticed she stripped the bed and is doing laundry this morning, the second time this week. I always have to ask is it something I did, but sometimes it turns out it is not me.

She also refuses staunchly to wear protection really. We recently drove a few states over for a funeral. We had to stop almost every hour, and even once in the middle of Texas on the side of the road. She knew I was wearing, but would not even listen to a word from me about her trying it. For some is a real hard stigma to overcome.

For me it was but after enough accidents in public, I got over it. All we can do is be there for others when they want to talk and offer support.

 

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I fully understand that your wife does not want to wear diapers. I mean - if you can still control it somehow you want that too. But to answer the question: I don't think that if she actually decides to try it with diapers at night it will make anything worse during the day. If that happens, it's for other reasons.

The way you describe it, your wife has mixed incontinence. This problem can be approached from two sides: against the stress incontinence that can arise from childbirth, Kegel exercises help very well. However, they must be done correctly and regularly so that it works. Against the urge incontinence can help bladder training and possibly a change in diet.

To answer the question more precisely: The assumption that the use of aids would increase incontinence is not to be completely dismissed. However, this is not due to the aid but to the way it is used. If you don't make an effort to comply with it because you are wearing protection anyway, this can lead to a reduction in bladder capacity and/or a hardening of the bladder or degeneration of the muscle over a longer period of time.

The bladder is like any other muscle - it wants to be trained. If it is not, there will eventually be other problems that can lead to urinary retention and ISK.

 

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** "The problem we are dealing with right now is her need to get up so many times in the night to use the bathroom. It is destroying her sleep." **

Lack of sleep can cause increased stress levels during the day... which can contribute to daytime incontinence. My doctor asked me about lack of sleep and stress when I saw him last year about my bedwetting.

So you can tell her that by refusing a diaper at night and getting better sleep, she could be hurting her daytime continence.

 

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Lack of sleep can cause increased stress levels during the day... which can contribute to daytime incontinence.

I think that pretty much sums it up - the only question is whether diapers change much. I feel the same way - with the difference that I can't make it to the bathroom after waking up. Before my incontinence started, I had to go to the bathroom at least twice a night.

Now it's like I wake up three to four times from the urge and pain - except now, unlike before, my bladder spasms and it runs uncontrollably when I get up at the latest.

The diaper helps against a wet bed - but unfortunately I don't sleep any better - in the summer the opposite is more the case, but re-covering the bed every day is also no solution.

I've been looking for a solution to this problem for a long time - but unfortunately I haven't found anything that really helps. I hope that maybe someone here still has an idea...

 

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@MichaelDahlke Sounds similar to how bladder issues have changed. Would always have to get up at night, sometimes multiple times. Sleep through now but wake up bursting and usually don't make it in time in the morning.

 

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Has she tried Botox in the bladder or the Purewick system?

 

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@Tarlton I had the same worry when I started using nappies for bedwetting. I was concerned that it would happen more frequently and erode my daytime control. This didn’t happen. If she wakes frequently to pee, I can’t see how it would make a difference to her continence whether she goes in the toilet or in a nappy. Either way it’s coming out, but the difference will be her fatigue. Waking briefly to wet in a nappy will disrupt sleep less than waking and walking to the bathroom several times per night.

 

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Thank you all for your responses. They are very helpful!
Neither my wife nor I feel comfortable with Botox.
Hearing that her control should not further erode is comforting. We are going to try some other solutions for her too, such as firmer pillows. If that fails as well to help her sleep through the night then I will insist she up her protection for her health and rest

 

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@Tarlton It shouldn't erode her control. I still know when I need to go the toilet at night/first thing in the morning, the issue for me is the decreased control coupled with my mobility issues means I don't always make it in time at night if I wake up (pretty rare these days as noted upthread) and rarely make it first thing in the morning.

In terms of fatigue levels, don't know if it will have much of an impact. Personally, I always try and make it to the toilet as trying to change at night or first thing is always a pain as my body rarely plays ball and sleeping in a wet nappy for ages isn't good for the skin and it's uncomfortable. I also find if I wet whilst I'm still in bed I leak a lot of the time. I know waking up all the time can be a real pain though but don't know if just using nappies will be a great solution.

My attitude to my urge incon. is that I always try and make it unless I can't. Unfortunately, I can't make it anywhere near as often as I used to.