Partners and bed wetting
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@Alwayswetthebed I think your sticker image is hilarious! There’s no rule I’m aware of that says you have to take it down, but you may wish to be kind to the others whom it offends. I’m a bed wetter and I face facts about it, so I’m capable of understanding someone’s satirical reference to being a bedwetter with a funny sticker (you). I don’t have to run away from the term bedwetter; neither should anyone else. It is what it is; it’s very real.
I’m 46. Became incontinent at age 39, by falling down a cliff while I was snowboarding and destroying my spine, two weeks after my husband and I split up to pursue divorce. Since then, I’ve had some dates, but have largely avoided dating because I never want to tell a new person that I might pee all over them in the night if we sleep together and my diaper leaks. Talk about a huge turnoff to the person you’re dating!!!!!!!
But the loneliness of living life longterm solo is reaallly taking its toll on me with depression, particularly when it comes to finances, to surviving all the hell’s and joys life throws my way alone, and when trying to get a simple home improvement project done without a man. It’s too hard. I need a male partner. I’d especially love one who doesn’t care about sex any more like me. Hopefully one day a guy will actually ask me out again. I’m doubtful; I used to get asked out all the time, even when wearing a wedding ring. But most of that ended when I was 30 and got some wrinkles.
MARRIED people will often tell you that you’ll be accepted by your significant other, because they were. But those are usually the people who developed incontinence during the course of their marriage, so of course their spouse accepted them - that’s their spouse - that’s what spouses are supposed to do - be accepting of their spouse!!!!
There are a few guys on the forum who don’t have problems telling every girl they date that they’re incontinent, and often initially, or by the third date. They claim they get accepted - well yes, they would be accepted, because their partners are women of the kind and gentle half of the species.
There are also a couple of male members on the forum who deliberately avoid any kind of dating other than a one-night stand, so then they don’t have to approach any kind of honesty or emotional intimacy with the one-nighter, or, just don’t care either way.
But has anyone with incontinence actually become married after becoming incontinent? I doubt it.
Acceptance is not what I’ve experienced as a woman, dating men. Men won’t deal with any woman (or man) who they perceive as flawed in any way. They want their significant other to be a 20-year-old pornstar. She better look perfect, act perfect, have perfect mental health, and perfect physical ability, or she’ll be dumped after the first date.
I think telling someone by a third date that you’re incontinent is a very bad idea. You shouldn’t have sex or sleep together by date three if you want a real partner, because the emotional intimacy and experiential intimacy won’t yet have developed to match the physical intimacy. I’d let the relationship develop slowly until you know the partner has firmed a deeper attraction to you and might tolerate something as disgusting as bedwetting in order to keep you in their life. That’s how I’ll try to do it when I’m serious, anyway. Until then, I stay alone and self-protective.
Good luck, and if it works out, lest us know, and best of luck to you!
I’m 46. Became incontinent at age 39, by falling down a cliff while I was snowboarding and destroying my spine, two weeks after my husband and I split up to pursue divorce. Since then, I’ve had some dates, but have largely avoided dating because I never want to tell a new person that I might pee all over them in the night if we sleep together and my diaper leaks. Talk about a huge turnoff to the person you’re dating!!!!!!!
But the loneliness of living life longterm solo is reaallly taking its toll on me with depression, particularly when it comes to finances, to surviving all the hell’s and joys life throws my way alone, and when trying to get a simple home improvement project done without a man. It’s too hard. I need a male partner. I’d especially love one who doesn’t care about sex any more like me. Hopefully one day a guy will actually ask me out again. I’m doubtful; I used to get asked out all the time, even when wearing a wedding ring. But most of that ended when I was 30 and got some wrinkles.
MARRIED people will often tell you that you’ll be accepted by your significant other, because they were. But those are usually the people who developed incontinence during the course of their marriage, so of course their spouse accepted them - that’s their spouse - that’s what spouses are supposed to do - be accepting of their spouse!!!!
There are a few guys on the forum who don’t have problems telling every girl they date that they’re incontinent, and often initially, or by the third date. They claim they get accepted - well yes, they would be accepted, because their partners are women of the kind and gentle half of the species.
There are also a couple of male members on the forum who deliberately avoid any kind of dating other than a one-night stand, so then they don’t have to approach any kind of honesty or emotional intimacy with the one-nighter, or, just don’t care either way.
But has anyone with incontinence actually become married after becoming incontinent? I doubt it.
Acceptance is not what I’ve experienced as a woman, dating men. Men won’t deal with any woman (or man) who they perceive as flawed in any way. They want their significant other to be a 20-year-old pornstar. She better look perfect, act perfect, have perfect mental health, and perfect physical ability, or she’ll be dumped after the first date.
I think telling someone by a third date that you’re incontinent is a very bad idea. You shouldn’t have sex or sleep together by date three if you want a real partner, because the emotional intimacy and experiential intimacy won’t yet have developed to match the physical intimacy. I’d let the relationship develop slowly until you know the partner has firmed a deeper attraction to you and might tolerate something as disgusting as bedwetting in order to keep you in their life. That’s how I’ll try to do it when I’m serious, anyway. Until then, I stay alone and self-protective.
Good luck, and if it works out, lest us know, and best of luck to you!
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snow said:
I agree with most of what you posted. I know I wish I had the intimacy of someone to come home to and just chitchat about our day, cook together and another hand in a handyman project, for sure, but for me, the physical side of intimacy really needs to be part of the deal, as long as we're both able.
I'm not that old yet!
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@spicewerx After a hysterectomy caused premature menopause for me four years ago, even though I’m 46, I am old enough now that sex has become useless and something I associate with cancer and physical pain. Happened so fast, with just one surgery. Most women go through a decade of being in and out of menopause so they have time to get used to the understanding that they’ll soon no longer want anything to do with sex. For me, I had five days before the hysterectomy surgery to get used to the idea. It changes everything for the worse; it’s very, very weird and annoying to be a eunuch. About the only upside is that when you’re not prowling for sex any more, you have more spare time, money, and peace. Nobody else my age was going through men-o-pause with me because it’s way too early for that to be happening naturally. It’s been an isolating experience for me. Changed most of my ambition for the worse, altered my creativity for the worse. For a man it would be the equivalent of having part of your penis, both testicles, and your prostate all removed in a 2-hour procedure. That would be weird, right, everything would be different, right? Hysterectomies suck. Makes me feel I’m 86 instead of 46.
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@snow I appreciate what you have shared. It's nice to know I'm not alone in my feelings and ambitions towards what so many others feel as "required" in a relationship. I too am more attracted to the emotional intimacy and experiences than the physical aspects and specifically sex. I too have been single for a few years post divorce and the dating world is a complete pain in the behind. While the female gender is often times more accepting/understanding, I have found that it can be just as difficult for a guy to find a girl that isn't focused around sex as a requirement of a relationship.
Of the girls I have dated, none were willing to continue the relationship after they found out what underwear I wore. Even when we were both very compatible and enjoyed so many common interests and experiences, they ended around 4-5 weeks later when physical intimacy began. Sad really.
If you ever find yourself in CA, I'd ask you out for a cup of coffee or tea.
Also, I am a good handy-man. I've remodeled a few houses on my own if you need a hand.
Of the girls I have dated, none were willing to continue the relationship after they found out what underwear I wore. Even when we were both very compatible and enjoyed so many common interests and experiences, they ended around 4-5 weeks later when physical intimacy began. Sad really.
If you ever find yourself in CA, I'd ask you out for a cup of coffee or tea.
Also, I am a good handy-man. I've remodeled a few houses on my own if you need a hand.
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@NotDryDude What part of CA are you in? I lived in L.A. for 15 years and Mammoth Lakes for two years. I am in LA at least once a year for a few weeks because I still work for an entertainment company.
Good to hear you’re a good handyman; not many are these days, especially those younger than us! All they learn about are video games and computers.
Sorry to hear you’ve experienced rejection once you get to the intimacy part. I think ideally, getting to know one another for six months would lead to the greatest physical intimacy. The person who I’ve dated, trusted the most, and felt the most comfortable with was somebody who I met online in 1997. We started as friends who met in an AOL chat room called, “Hollywood.” We were both in film school then. We had an intense online chat, phone, call, and USPS letter-writing relationship for nearly a year before we met in-person. I have never felt so comfortable with somebody leading into the physical intimacy component than between us when we did meet. By then, we completely accepted one another already and we’d already shared all of our secrets.
We lived together for five years, finished film school together, worked together, moved to Hollywood together, started working on film sets together, and eventually became engaged. After seven years together, while engaged, he died from seizures that were a result of football concussions. I think he was the one for me. I miss him every day. I did eventually marry somebody else who I was married to for seven years, but I never felt as safe with him as I did with the first guy. I slept with my ex-husband on the third date, as society demands. What a stupid rule. I think if you can actually fall in love with someone - which is primarily about their personality, then anything physically can be ignored or moved past. Oh well, I know I’m mostly alone with that kind of thinking.
Good to hear you’re a good handyman; not many are these days, especially those younger than us! All they learn about are video games and computers.
Sorry to hear you’ve experienced rejection once you get to the intimacy part. I think ideally, getting to know one another for six months would lead to the greatest physical intimacy. The person who I’ve dated, trusted the most, and felt the most comfortable with was somebody who I met online in 1997. We started as friends who met in an AOL chat room called, “Hollywood.” We were both in film school then. We had an intense online chat, phone, call, and USPS letter-writing relationship for nearly a year before we met in-person. I have never felt so comfortable with somebody leading into the physical intimacy component than between us when we did meet. By then, we completely accepted one another already and we’d already shared all of our secrets.
We lived together for five years, finished film school together, worked together, moved to Hollywood together, started working on film sets together, and eventually became engaged. After seven years together, while engaged, he died from seizures that were a result of football concussions. I think he was the one for me. I miss him every day. I did eventually marry somebody else who I was married to for seven years, but I never felt as safe with him as I did with the first guy. I slept with my ex-husband on the third date, as society demands. What a stupid rule. I think if you can actually fall in love with someone - which is primarily about their personality, then anything physically can be ignored or moved past. Oh well, I know I’m mostly alone with that kind of thinking.
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I, too, am OK with the pictures of the dolls. Dolls are dolls and I see nothing at all creepy or sinister about that. Collecting dolls is a hobby and a hobby is something that gives you pleasure and is an incentive to go out and look for that rare find that you must have!
After all a lot of people like to collect model railroad paraphernalia and make elaborate train sets out of them. I can spend hours looking at a display of model trains and learning about them.
Seeing trains in the color schemes and styles that came from a long time ago takes me back to more carefree times when we had more than just one or two railroads (like Amtrak and BNSF) as we do now.
I think collecting and enjoying antique dolls is the same thing, so @Maymay941, please enjoy and cherish your collection! These are links to our past!
After all a lot of people like to collect model railroad paraphernalia and make elaborate train sets out of them. I can spend hours looking at a display of model trains and learning about them.
Seeing trains in the color schemes and styles that came from a long time ago takes me back to more carefree times when we had more than just one or two railroads (like Amtrak and BNSF) as we do now.
I think collecting and enjoying antique dolls is the same thing, so @Maymay941, please enjoy and cherish your collection! These are links to our past!
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Hello, I dont tell them unless its necessary. And even then I dont go on about it or make a big deal about it. I have had a few girlfriends that I never did discuss it with at all, I wonder if those knew. Im pretty sure the last one didnt. I dont cohabitate and not interested in getting married anymore so that helps. I really dont think I want to share a bed with someone else every night any more, every now and then is fun tho.
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