Not happy with this

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Im sorry, im having a rough day. I joined a new church in my local area and its a new faith - so thats a good thing.

My bladder spasms returned, so that sucks. Im looking forward to my interstim test. Ive been playing Xbox- so i suppose im dabbling in my hobbies. But my brain from all this hurt and the past two years of losing my bladder control, ptsd, and developing a mental illness which may be contributing to my incontinence is making me feel like crap because i cant work.

I want to get back to work but i have good days and bad days and with the Illness, the bad days are impossibile to work.

I never would have thought this would happen to me. I remember my 21st birthday, i was on top of the world. My brain functioned so well in college.

It feels like yesterday and this all feels like a dream. Im still exteemely smart. I still have so much potential. I just cant show it.

Idk

 

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Sorry to hear this honeeecombs. Try to stay positive and maybe interstim will be a saving grace to you.

I don’t recall your illness or are you just referencing your mental illness contributing to your incontinence issues. My apologies as I don’t remember your back story.

At least you are trying to damble in your hobbies. Stay positive. I know it can be extremely hard some times.

Big hug

Jason

 

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Working can really be a good therapy - your focus isnt on your condition, and you are actively acheiving something and making money, that can really help mindset. and depending on your specific skillset you can maybe get a remote work job which may make things a bit easier.

 

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Im sorry, im having a rough day. I joined a new church in my local area and its a new faith - so thats a good thing.

My bladder spasms returned, so that sucks. Im looking forward to my interstim test. Ive been playing Xbox- so i suppose im dabbling in my hobbies. But my brain from all this hurt and the past two years of losing my bladder control, ptsd, and developing a mental illness which may be contributing to my incontinence is making me feel like crap because i cant work.

I want to get back to work but i have good days and bad days and with the Illness, the bad days are impossibile to work.

I never would have thought this would happen to me. I remember my 21st birthday, i was on top of the world. My brain functioned so well in college.

It feels like yesterday and this all feels like a dream. Im still exteemely smart. I still have so much potential. I just cant show it.

Idk

Keep your head up dude. These crazy things we are going through are tuff but nothing about it defines you. You mentioned that you play Xbox. Dude, I don't know what I would do without Call of Duty. Duty, HAHAHA. yea the pun never gets old for me.

Anyway. You're not alone in this and I get it. There is a lot I have been through that I have not posted yet on this website out of pure laziness.

I hope you find so joy in life and remember that you have this issue, you are not this issue.

 

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Hi @Honeeecombs, It's good that you are keeping in touch with us and I just want to tell you that better days are ahead for you. But it's a matter of just keeping the faith that it will happen and to keep doing the very level best you can do!!! Well, Rome wasn't built in a day! (And I can't believe I said that!!! Sometimes I'm the Cliché Master! I remember my dad used all of those old clichés on me at one time or another! So I guess I'm just a chip off the old block!!) But seriously though, good things will come but don't let up on it. Just keep your eyes and ears open for opportunities!!
I know the feeling of wanting to get back to work. And that's a good sign since it means you know you have a contribution to make to society and that you are most sincere about it!! Well that's why I volunteer at the local nature center where I help with field trips for elementary school kids. It gives me a sense of purpose and of belonging. Every day I do that is one I really look forward to and before every scheduled trip I just jump out of bed, throw together a lunch, and couldn't leave the house fast enough!! I really look forward to being out in the fresh air and showing the kids all of the wonders of nature. Days like that really fly by. And what this is leading to is: maybe you can volunteer at something. I'm sure there are places in your area where you would be interested in working, and just step up and ask if you can be a volunteer. Once that happens, you'll get a sense of belonging and knowing that not only are you doing something for people in the community but you are doing something for yourself as well! I can't recommend it enough!!!
As for the incontinence, just make sure the protection you have is enough! And if you get to volunteer at something you really love, the incontinence won't seem to be such a big deal!! You will have found something else to occupy your mind. Try it, you'll like it!!!

 

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I'm sorry that you've been feeling so crappy. I'm putting in a second vote for volunteering to restore energy and alleviate depression.

 

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Peace be with you, our journeys are complex and each one unique, know that you are not alone brother.

 

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Hi @Honeeecombs again. boasammy is 100 percent right on! Volunteering does restore you energy and definitely alleviates depression! That's a perfect way to describe it!
You can start out at well.....a nature center or a museum, if there is one near you. Such a place has a variety of opportunities; or a food pantry or something like Meals on Wheels who need drivers as well as cooks and others to prepare meals. And how about a thrift shop that's run by a charitable organization or a church? Those places are looking for help all the time. Not so much thrift shops that are run for profit as a business but with a non profit group running a shop you get more of a sense of working with those who are helping people in the community. Habitat For Humanity is another choice. They not only have thrift shops but also volunteers turn out in droves to help build houses for deserving folks who otherwise don't have the means to live in decent, affordable housing.
That may be only the tip of the iceberg (cliché again!!)in your community but it takes some initiative to go knock on doors to find out. Many groups and places are always glad to hear someone say, "I want to volunteer here!"
So, there's a lot out there and remember, you're not working for a paycheck but the payback you derive from it comes from helping someone, and that is definitely ample reward in itself!!!

 

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I’m not totally sure what your situation is but I can relate to not being able to work. I’ve been on ssdi since 2007. Mostly for mental health stuff but added in my amputation from 2 years ago and it’s been kinda downhill. I have a home health aide and that’s helpful with things I have trouble with (laundry, cleaning, sometimes changing which isn’t fun.) but life isn’t all bad. I went for coffee with a friend this morning. (Even though I fell on the way home but that’s another story). You have to start thinking of things that are good. Do you have a home? Food to eat? Electricity? Do you have arms and legs?

While it may feel like things suck they are probably not too shabby. Yea incontinence sucks. Big time. I’ve been dealing with it since my accident in 2015. Do a gratitude list. It always helps me.

 

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Thank you, billliveshere, for all the good suggestions. You will likely get some training and learn some new things.

 

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Very good suggestions, EJ and boasammy! While it's easy to mourn things we don't have any more or just couldn't have, that's a good time to think about what you do have and how lucky you are to have them. Time to count your blessings!!
As a volunteer at the nature center I have learned innumerable new things, and you will get some training for sure!!! Frankly I think volunteering is a win-win!!!

 

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Thanks guys, I'm hoping things get better. I'm pretty confident in that things will. I'm really trying to push in this new faith and church I'm attending.

I'm really scared about my mental health, whuch I think is contributing to why I have urge incontinence anyway.

I contacted a local resources agency to see if I can get a peer support specialist, I need people in my life - who are understanding of my mental setbacks and physical problems.

Some days are better than others. Today I had to go buy another pack of briefs at our local medical supply store and they were training this new old guy and he literally did the dumbest thing - he asked why I purchased my product at there store vs Walmart. And I was like "uh, yeah, uh".

I think it was then he realized what he did. There normally pretty good. And I can't knock his training. I don't like talking about my medical issues, but I'm only 28 so he probably didn't think they were for me.

-HC

 

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Hi HC,
Since you are starting out at this new church, maybe they have volunteer opportunities or know of places where you can go. If you tell someone then word gets out that you're looking for an opportunity and things may very well begin to open up for you!!! You do need people in your life for sure! And joining as a volunteer somewhere will enable you to meet new people. Most likely volunteers may include a lot of older people (along with younger people who are out of school for the summer) and there is a sense of camaraderie because you are all helping the same cause. They won't really care about your incontinence issues or what you wear underneath. Because, No. 1, some volunteers may also have incon issues themselves and No. 2, when you're helping the community as a volunteer no one really pays attention to what you wear underneath. You definitely won't be called out on it because frankly they have much more important things to accomplish!!!
And a peer support specialist is also a good idea, although to be honest with you, I've never known any and I don't know exactly how they work. Or.....maybe that's another volunteer possibility for you!!! But being with people as a volunteer I think will be the best thing for you and the most positive thing you can do for yourself now!
Hey, if I didn't have the nature center, I would go stark raving mad!!!! There, we all like to work with kids and I proudly feel like I'm part of a very professional team that does its very level best with each group of kids we get coming through our gate. With this coming school year that begins in August, it will be my 12th year doing this. And I have no intention of quitting at this point!!! As a volunteer, you'll be a real member of a team!!!
As for that "new old guy" at the medical supply store where you purchase briefs, phooey on him!!! He knows not what he's doing but you do know the score!!! And if this would help, maybe you can get a tote bag (I've gotten several from community events) and take it to Wal-Mart and if you see a product you use, just stick it in the bag and go to the self-service checkout. That's what I do!!! And no one even bats an👁‍🗨 eye!!!!

 

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Hey Bill,

Thanks for all the advice man. I'm not sure I'm 100% at the point where I can volunteer yet. The days I'm having, I'm in need of someone to come over to spend time with me and get me out of the house. I don't know why my brain is doing this to me, but some days I'm trapped in my brain and my emotions are too complex to function correctly.

I know I sound fine online, but if people were to see my daily living; they would understand.

You are totally spot on with the new guy. I was so embarrassed and I'm socially awkward to begin with; it's just one of those things that should be frowned upon. I think he just automatically assumed they weren't for me. I'd buy at Walmart but the depends protection with tabs don't fit right, and the generic briefs while comfortable don't offer adequate protection for nighttime voids.

Luckily, the medical supply store near me offers a product that's one knotch up from a depend so they fit better, I don't have to worry about accidents and there not thick where I can really tell I'm wearing one.

Anywho, back to video gaming.

 

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Hi HC
Off hand I don't know who, or what type of service would provide the service like you describe, that is someone to come over and spend time with you and get you out of the house. Do you live alone and do you have wheels??
The only thing I can think of is contacting your local United Way or a city or county agency that has a listing of people who do things such as you describe. I know that there are people like that who provide companionship to elderly people and those are provided by a home health care agency. Where I live in Florida there are a lot of places like that. Although they mainly provide in home nursing care and physical therapy, they also send over people to help with light housekeeping and light cooking. And I think some of them may just do companionship and provide a ride to the doctor or church or the shopping center. So if I were you, the key would be contacting a social services agency and hoping that the person who answers the phone is very sympathetic and genuinely likes to help!
Agencies that service vets may provide companions such as you describe, to vets who have suffered PTSD as the result of combat. I don't think you're a vet but realistically speaking, you don't have to be a combat vet to suffer PTSD (as we all know here!) and need someone to help you through the rough spots.
Another direction is to talk to a mental health agency and ask if they know of someone who would provide such a service.
But the fact you recognize what you need and want to find ways to improve your situation is a huge step in the right direction! From the way I see it, finding something like you describe will take some digging and just plain ol' asking around!! And there is some luck involved as you want to find someone who will say, "I know just what you're looking for and I can tell you the exact place that can help you!"
But of course it's also good to continue to think about and assess volunteer opportunities. I wouldn't give up on that yet. And remember, when you help others, you don't spend that much time thinking and worrying about your own problems because you are giving of yourself to others.
As for that "new old guy" as you described him at the medical supply store, don't take any special steps to avoid him. Someday you just may find that he is an ally for you and may help you a lot more than you realize at this point. But HC, it's funny because life is like that. Life is wonderful and offers so many good surprises!!! So we'll just keep working. With your determination and "smarts," you'll get there!!!!

 

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Hi again HC,
After saying all that above it just occurred to me that since you just joined a church, maybe you can reach out to someone there and see if there's someone who can help out in the way you described; that is in coming over to spend time with you and maybe get you out of the house for a bit.
I don't think you'll have a problem with it as you seem to be very articulate and can make your wishes known. It's just a matter of doing some digging and who knows what you'll come up with!!! So in sum, I think you have several potential resources.
Good luck in your search and please let me know what you come up with! If you need more help you know how to reach this site!!! Only a click or two away!!!

 

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Thanks Bill! You always have such kind words to say.

Jwh: yeah I developed Borderline Personality Disorder almost 2 years ago. It's around the same time as when my Overactive Bladder started. It started to get progressively worse to the point of urge incontinence around February 2020 and I've been battling the Illness since.

I joined a church last year as well, and I met alot of people. I just don't think they understood how my brain works and I had to get myself out of there. I tried to be faithful but I don't think they understood me. Alot of it was miscommunication I think, and in my heart I want to think that there heart was in the right place. But since I had a falling out with someone I opened up too, it was just really bad because when it came to that situation, my guard is up 100%. My dad and step mom use me on a day to day basis, I vowed never to feel that pain from anyone else.


Had I have known there was going to be light at the end of the tunnel, I would have stayed but I just read too much in what they were saying to me and all I wanted to do was follow Jesus Christ. I liked that church, but if it wasn't for that church I would not have found this new church. So I guess that is a net positive.

In real life, I'm a down to earth, chill individual. And most of the time I just battle with depression. But if it has anything to do with my childhood, memories, or interpersonal relationships and I feel some sort of betrayal - it sends me down the rabbit hole.

I'm trying a new medicine today that is supposed to work with my anti depression medication so fingers crossed I don't have anymore paranoia spells.

I've been playing Xbox One lately so get to dabble in my creative vibes, building houses in the sims and playing the lego games. So that's keeping my mind off of negative thoughts.

I also have been meeting with missionaries every day and learning more about the book of Mormon which reading it has given me renewed hope for my religious side.


You guys have been very kind to me and words cannot express how I don't feel alone in this walk anymore. It's nice to know that there is people my age and older that are dealing with this issue.

Kindly

 

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I am sorry to hear that honneecombs.

Not sure which anti depressant you are on but I am glad you are finding some happy moments and direction in life.

Life is too short and too valuable to live it in misery. Also too short too just immerse ones self solely into video games. lol. Don’t get me wrong as I love some video games too. .

Stay positive and hopefully you leave the house more and embrace loving yourself as you are. That was one of my hardest struggles but once you succeed in that happiness is quite easy to find in almost everything.

I hope you look back on this rough patch and realize that you truly were part of the problem and by that I mean We are our own worst enemies.

I hope you can love yourself completely with all your imperfections. We all have imperfections lol but it’s learning to love oneself with ones imperfections and that is a key to some pure happiness and calm within.

My own thoughts, I truly love myself with all my imperfections. I may have to wear a diaper during the day but that doesn’t define me. It’s a tool I use so I can be out in society and enjoy my life.

With Love

Jason

 

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Amen Jason. Thank you for those kind words. You are so right in the aspect that it is myself that is only bringing me down on a day to day living aspect.

I can choose to accept the things I cannot change, and change the things I can. (Or however the prayer goes).

I went out for a nice drive today - so that was good. Listened to music and got my mind off of things.

Thanks Jason, that was very kind.

 

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So glad for you, Honeeecombs, that you treated yourself to a nice drive and good music. That's good self-care. Glad you can take in our kindness and concern for you, and also that you are able to listen to people who tell you like it is.

I thought you might like the whole Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the
serenity
to accept the
things I cannot
change;
courage to change
the things I can;
and wisdom to
know the
difference.