No rhyme no reason

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Hello. I'm new to this forum. I am a 27 year old male. I have been dealing with nocturnal enuresis for the last 10 years. There is no rhyme or reason it seems to when it happens. It is very infrequent. For the first 4 or 5 years it happened more often. I would be dry for a long time and then I could have a few episodes a week and be dry again. Now it only happens 2 or 3 times a year at random. It is a 50/50 shot. It is either a small amount or it can be a entire very full bladder. My parents did not believe me the first year it started. I went to the doctors when i was 18 not very helpful she did send me to a urologist and did an ultrasound after awhile. they had nothing for me. I started therapy when i was 19 for severe depression/anxiety i told my therapist about it but obviously there is not much she can do but listen. I recently had 2 episodes in march one was minor the last was a major one. Even though it happens so very few times a year. It is shameful embarrassing aggravating and inferior. I dont want this to happen i want answers. Lastly i dont think i will find a girlfriend that would support this

 

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The issue of a girl-friend/boy-friend has been the subject of many recent posts, and there is hope. It's hardest to have hope at your age, but check it out, here.
The medical profession just doesn't really know much about out problem, and it seems to be hard to find a doctor who can at least admit the difficulty and how hard it is to supply answers. Don't let them tell you it's all in your head. That's a sign you need a new doctor

 

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Welcome to this forum. From my perspective incontinence always seems to be with no real rhyme or reason. Touch wood I have fortunate enough to not experience night time issues however daytime is another story for me.

I hope you find some answers and are able to find a few companions on this site as overall there are very many great people on this forum from all walks of life just with one common thread. The joys of incontinence in its many forms.

I hope you maintain good spirits through this hard time. I can tell you it does get better. Stay strong.

 

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I’m a 29 year old and experience the same issues as you. For the most part my bedwetting is infrequent and I have just a few bouts a year (usually a couple nights in a row each time). I’m sorry that your doctor has been unhelpful. Do you notice that it’s linked to your anxiety at all? That’s what happens with me. Usually I can tell I might have a wet night because I’ve been really anxious — I don’t wet the bed every time I’m anxious, but every time I have wet the bed I had been having anxiety.

 

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I understand your concerns man. I had the same issue with random wetting at night when I was a teen. It stopped when I was 17, but got injured and now it's full time 24/7. On the worries about finding a girlfriend, I wouldn't worry too much. The right one wont stress over it or judge. I met my wife after I had been having 24/7 issues for more than 3 years. She doesnt bat an eye over it.

 

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Have you had a back injury? Do you keep a diary of what you ate and drank the day+night before your accidents? Doctors really want to see that kind of record keeping. I highly recommend you try a different urologist until you find one who will give you a more thorough work-up. There are many more tests that can be done other than an ultrasound. An ultrasound reveals almost nothing except kidney stones and if you had those, believe me, you’d be screaming. Insist on a cytoscopy procedure.

 

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Welcome, hope you enjoy the forums. There are many wonderful folks here that are always glad to offer suggestions, listen or just be a friend

 

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Welcome. I agree with snow....do start keeping a bladder diary to track your patterns (there are several online...just google...). You should also go back and get a full set of diagnostics. Understanding the cause, may help with a treatment plan.

 

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It does seem like no rhyme or reason sometimes. It can be hard to tell if the problem is physical or psychological. When doctors don't know the cause, they start handing out pills that are of questionable value.

Lots of us have gone to the doctors, and are now resigned to manage it the best we can. I'm single and I don't have much confidence that I will ever find a girlfriend who wants to support this either. Maybe if I was already married when the problem developed, a good woman would stick around. Much harder to start a relationship with the problem already established.

 

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Best thing if you are dating someone and would like it to go further is just tell them the truth, there are more understanding people than you would probably ever imagine. There are also more people that use protective products of every age and sex than you would think.
The first time I had to tell someone I was dating I was really nervous and just said look, I really love being with you and would love if you could spend the night. I have to tell you though, I have bladder problems sometimes and have to wear protective underwear, hope that doesn’t freak you out or anything. Turns out it was no biggie and we had a great relationship.
Don’t let anxiety rob you of a good relationship with someone because of something like having to wear different underwear. Enjoy your life.

 

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I agree; dating definitely changes with incontinence, but what I’ve found is that it helps you choose your partners more seriously, which is a healthy way to enter a relationship. I’ve had the same result as jrpoorman: just tell the truth and most people will understand. The first time you tell someone is certainly the hardest, for you, but not so much for your partner. After that it gets easier. Women are probably more understanding and gentle than men. Be glad you’re not the female gender who is expected to wear sexy lingerie 24/7 to please a male partner. Also, you may try dating women older than you, because patience and tolerance accrue with age. Also, any woman who has had a baby will be understanding because she’ll most likely have stress incontinence (leaking pee when she sneezes, laughs hard, or exercises - yes, really).

 

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And, if you’re more into one night stands or Tinder hook-ups, just don’t sleep over.

 

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Or stay awake all night and don’t fall asleep, then you might avoid an accident.

 

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I tried that stay awake all night thing...lol

Snow, it didn’t go so well....

 

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I’ve had insane insomnia my whole life so staying awake all night in such a situation is scarcely even a choice for me, lol!

 

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Thank you everyone for your replies and support. I appreciate it very much. I don’t have any major injuries that would cause that. I have been keeping a log the past few weeks and trying bladder training. I was supposed to see a urologist for a unrelated guy problem but they gave me the run around for 2 months and then covid happen so I gave up but I wanted to talk them about that issue too since it had happened a couple times while in the process of just trying to get a an appointment

 

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I had another incident tonight just got done cleaning up and showering not a bad one just a Nuisance . I did pee 2 more times than normal today (counting the accident too). I have been really anxious and depressed lately. Not because of covid. And I was very tired when I got home. I didn’t eat dinner or drink anything I fell asleep on the couch. Maybe it is all tied together. I don’t know

 

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I’m sorry you’re experiencing these difficulties.

 

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@eliott29 same with me. I believe my bedwetting is inked to anxiety. I haven’t been diagnosed with an anxiety issue but I know when I’m really stressed on a certain day like arguing with my partner or the kids are frustrating me or me thinking about not being able to work this whole quarantine is when I usually have an accident. It’s not every time but majority of the time I can sense it may happen which causes me to focus on not bedwetting and somehow it still happens. I don’t have day time urinary issues at all thankfully which is why I believe it’s stress related.

 

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@Hillm same here. I think the pressures of quarantine are a major factor here