Welcome. Stevewet's doctor is one uncaring individual, or suggests a good attitude. I hope it's the latter.
Try the articles on this website, too; speaking of research.
Medical science doesn't always know why. Lots of people here will urge you to find a doctor/urologist/Physical Therapist, etc, that you feel comfortable with, trust. Don't hesitate to change provider if you can do it. Consumer Reports had interesting articles in their "On-Health" magazine - could help. June 2021, vol 23, issue 6.
The articles weren't on incontinence, per say, but I'm going to try some of the tips in the "Prevent Falls", and "Truth About Multivitiamins". In "Driving Again", the paragraphs about "Deal with Health Problems" might be pertinent, too.
God Bless.