Need some help

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Hey guys,

So. One of the reasons why I have such a hard time bed wetting or using a diaper is because my dad would shame me hardcore about accidents and wouldn’t even let me use pull ups. My mom had to sneak them in when my dad would fall asleep.

I just need people to tell me wetting the bed is ok and honestly if I’m half awake and start going, I don’t have to freak out and try to catch it or stop mid stream.

You guys have been so supportive. Just looking for encouragement

 

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Hey, If you want to chat hit me up on a private message.

 

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Are you living with your parents right now?
To me its like having menstrual products, one is usually discreet so can you put supplies maybe under your bed. Have a roll of small trash bags to dispose the used one in. Tie it up and take to outside trash when he's not around.

You can't necessarily please your Dad but keeping things clean private and discreet will keep your bedroom smelling better and your personal needs personal.

 

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Hi Dkscray:

Nothing to be ashamed of. Bed wetting has been proven to be involuntary. I started bet wetting late last year. Never had a history of it but here I am in my sixties and I wet 2 to 3 times a week now. Some people just can't seem to accept that bed wetting can't always be helped or controlled. Luckily your mom is there and understands your situation. Dads can be a little hard on thier sons.

 

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Dks, I started to have incontinence 15 to 20 years ago. I kept getting out of bed and racing to the bathroom. All that I accomplished was leaking all the way to the bathroom, all over my rug. Not good. Additionally, it interrupted my sleep, which was really bad for functioning with fibromyalgia. I made a decision, based on logic, that it made way more sense to protect my property and my sleep/health, so I took steps to protect my mattress and bedding and stop trying to make it to the bathroom. It wasn’t long before it stopped waking me up. I’m sorry your dad ignorantly shamed you about something over which you had no control. You need to let his ignorance go and live your own life the way you need to. You now have control over how you handle your own life and you are perfectly capable of doing a great job.

 

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@Dkscray255
Perhaps your father's negativity is based on the lack of knowledge on your urinary condition or incontinence in general.
Often the male attitude can over shadow reason and compassion. Hopefully in time he will gain understanding and accept your urinary condition.

 

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Hi @Dkscray255 This is like a medical condition and just like any other medical condition it's something that one has no control over. If it happens, it happens. It's not your fault at all. And you're doing the right thing by using pullups which shows that you are taking charge of the situation as you see fit. I second May's suggestion of keeping supplies well hidden under your bed (or some other hiding place only you know) and having some small trash bags and disposing of used products when your dad isn't around. Doing what she suggests will keep things more discreet and private. Please know you have nothing to be ashamed of! I hope this helps.

 

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You have nothing to be ashamed of, and there is no need to freak out. I'm sorry that your father shames you, but I'm glad that your mother is there for you. I also agree with Maymay about keeping your supplies discreetly. Let us know how things go.

 

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@may941 I don’t live with him. It’s just the memory of all the hurtful things that were done to me as a kid....I just feel so much shame with it now. There was a lot of abuse growing up. All the memories and flashbacks got worse after my mom died a few years ago and then when I was assaulted less than a year later

So just looking for reassurance

 

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@boasammy my most was talking about when I was a kid.

Just so much abuse growing up. So many flashbacks and memories come up now that I’m bed wetting and wearing diapers again

 

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I was lucky not to be real bad but still had problems then dry awhile then later back in them my wife is a big supporter.

 

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I hate to say this, but your dad is totally ignorant of your situation. He thinks you are wetting your bed because you want to. Know that you are not responsible for your health issues.

 

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Somethings to unwind with a therapist for sure.
I think we have to work hard to take the hurt and hurting label off and replace with a vision of self inside strong walls.

 

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Hi @Dkscray255, I think you're safe now! You are doing what you know is right for you. But with those memories of the past haunting you it may be time to find someone professional to talk with and they can help you get in touch with your feelings and help with how you handle those memories. It will be time well spent.
And in the meantime you have us. All of us understand how you feel about the wetting as well as how you're handling it. And you do know we're open 24/7/365. So stop in any time!

 

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Hey Dkscrsy,
Maybe next time you think about this, in your head, get right in his face and let him know most of these childhood situations are genetic of some sort, or brought on by abuse. So in your head tell him. “ Thank you for blessing me with this, I am of your DNA right, and you raised and abused me right?, so again thanks Dad!
My hope is that this will free your mind of his abuse. I’d normally recommend saying it to his face, but I’d feel better knowing you’re not anywhere near him. He doesn’t deserve you PERIOD!

 

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Sometimes we have to be around people who do not realize the harm they are doing with, unbeknownst to them, their psychological "punishment." (I speak from experience.) You are an adult who understands why you have your condition. You're a person who has many times more support than you do the hurtful things that have been done/said to you in the past. I bet you have learned how not to treat people because of how you were treated. Be thankful that your mom was so understanding and able to help you, despite what she had to go through, and that you've come out the other side of this a better person.

 

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I had a father who didn't like me. He's dead, and I let go of my anger about how I was treated. I recognize that he was a flawed person. It was his problem. It is no longer mine.

 

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D....,
I'm sorry to hear of your more complicated problem; most of us just have to deal leakage, not pressures from within the household.

Info I've posted before would help to substantially eliminate your leakage problem, though you would have to take care of the other. After several years of development, including volunteer testing from this site, my partner and I have an external device of soft silicone that will reduce or eliminate nighttime leakage. It is patent pending at the moment. It can actually be worn 24 hrs a day, if need be.

While I wear it all day long, I will sometimes wear it at night, if I've hydrated too much in the evening. With a backup liner, there just is not a leakage problem. Our product is not yet for sale, but we are still accepting volunteers who want to give it a try and provide us feedback. Our product works; getting the proper fit is the only challenge initially. Info is available. If interested, I'm at amhelp@comcast.net Best wishes, Fynlee

 

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@Dkscray255 oof this hits close to home. I still think about some of the crap my dad would say when I saw him. I remember times I'd stay wet so long because I didn't want him to know I needed so many changes.

 

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@DiaperedTransGirl right?!

I would either stuff a t shirt in my underwear or just stay up super late and then just sleep for a few hours.

I’m doing all the things though. Go to therapy twice a week and see someone in psych once a month.

Along with the bed wetting I handle catastrophes for a living so I also need something to keep that organized

Sorry you had to deal with that. Super tough to go through