HELP

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Hello,

I'm new to the group. I've noticed some changes going on with my mother. She's 80 yrs old. Very independent, lives alone (my son just moved in with her), but she takes care of her own bills and household. I've noticed though here lately the smell of urine. I first noticed it in a store as I was behind her in line. I thought it was something inside of the store, but I've been smelling it more lately. More recently after she got out of my care last night. I have no idea how to approach my mom about this. I definitely don't want to hurt her feelings, but I know I need to talk to her about it so that we can get her the help if she needs it.

 

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Hi SabrenaC - thanks for reaching out and welcome to the group! I'm sure that folks here will have lots of great suggestions for you, but in the meantime, check out some of our articles and webinars on this topic:

https://www.nafc.org/discussing

https://www.nafc.org/bhealth-blog/2017/2/10/talking-with-your-loved-one-about-incontinence

https://www.nafc.org/bhealth-blog/2016/1/25/how-to-talk-about-incontinence-with-your-loved-one

https://www.nafc.org/bhealth-blog/a-guide-to-talking-to-your-doctor-about-bladder-leakage

https://www.nafc.org/familycaregiverslides/

This is a difficult conversation to have. Just take it slowly and be supportive and understanding. Your mother, if she realizes her problem, may be very ashamed and unwilling to speak with you at first. Show her that you are on her side and just want to help her. The sooner she is able to get help, the more comfortable she will be. Offer to go to the doctor with her or help her research some treatment and management options online (there is a lot of great info on NAFC.org!). You may even invite her to join this message board to talk with others who experience the same thing. The main thing is to be understanding and supportive. Good luck!
Sarah Jenkins
NAFC

 

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Thank you kindly. I've been wracking my brain trying to think of subtle words to tell her without offending her and there are none. Reading these blogs have helped and my son said we can talk to her together.

 

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SabrenaC,
You may want to speak with her alone. Sort of like a woman to woman conversation. She may be embarrassed with her grandson there. A suggestion could be: Mom, I think we should discuss an issue I have noticed lately. Do you think you may be having a slight issue with incontinence? We could see your physician to see if you may have an infection, or may need protective undergarments.
I don't know your mom but to gently approach the issue would be helpful without causing too much embarrassment.
Good luck, keep us posted. This is a wonderful, caring group. Welcome!

 

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Yes, maybe I should talk to her alone. I'm just so nervous. She's such a private person, but I know it has to be done.