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Im a 23 almost 24 year old female. Ive experienced sexual truama both as a child and as an teenager.
I began wetting the bed from 2 to 5. Then it stopped till around age 7, which is around the time the sexual abuse had occured.
I continued wetting the bed pretty consistently all througout grade and highschool. Because of this I wasn't allowed by my parents to have sleepovers, go to other peoples houses, I was forced and simultaneously shamed to wear pullups, and I wasn't allowed to have a newer mattress because I basically ruined everything I slept on.
Eventually my depression progressed to a stage where I couldn't even get myself to shower or leave my bed. I fully gave up on even trying to not wet the bed. It became really pathetic.

The only time I ever saw a doctor for this was when I was around 16, and my dad finally took me to a urologist. The medications prescribed never really helped, so eventually we gave up on it.

I grew to kinda accept this about myself and just get over it. Eventually around 20 it became less frequent, it'd happen for a week then disappear for a couple and come back.

Now im 23, I have furniture I value and a fiance I'm too ashamed to sleep in the same bed with because I'm now wetting the bed again almost EVERY time I go to bed (even just for 20 min).

I make sure I pee at least 4 to 6 times before bed, even when I don't have to. I'll wake up 30 minutes after falling asleep and I'll have wet the bed.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm even too embarassed to go buy depends or diapers for night time cause I don't want anyone to see me.
I just feel so alone...

 

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First things first, if you haven’t already I would tell your fiancé. I’m sure he will understand and be supportive. Secondly. I totally understand and share the hesitation to buy diapers in public. I recommend using a service that will ship the diapers to you discreetly. NorthShore Care Supply is really good about helping find the right thing and shipping discreetly.

As to the shame of wearing them that you mentioned, what helped me was to think of it like glasses. You wouldn’t be embarrassed if you had an eye issue that needed glssses, diapers are no different. It’s just a different body part malfunctioning.

 

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That is why they make so many adult diapers. There is many manufacturers
of them. You need to get over the embarrassment you have about wearing them. believe me you wont be sorry that you start to use them . I was wounded in viet nam in 1967 and it destroyed my bladder control. When I was in the hospital and they told me That I would have no bladder control I would never have any control again I swore I would never wear diapers and I didn't for about eighteen months. but the pain and bleeding finally from the caths made go to them. Consider your self lucky that it's the year 2000 because now there are so many different kinds available now. When I switched to diapers back then there wasn't much of a choice so I had to wear plastic pants and cloth diapers try and go out in public and try to hide those. The stuff available now are very absorbent and no one will know your wearing them unless you choose to tell them. Hey your big girl now and you can handle this any way you choose. By all means make sure you go to the doctor.He or she may be able to control this with medication or a simple surgery.

 

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Good for you to confront the demons at leat by naming them we are taking back some control. You can speak freely here, you can message me personally if you want an ear.You may want to talk with a therapist about this as you might have had a weak pelvic floor anyhow but there was no help for you being shamed and unable to be protected and supported in the sexual abuse or unkindness for the difficulties of a child who pees the bed. If you had weak eyes would you be shamed for needing glases?(in some families, yes but the point is, any shaming is just wrong. It is like trying to grow a plant with sunshine, fertilzer and water but then periodically stomping on the new green shoots.)
I ageee, talk to your fiance. What comes of speaking about issues is better to get into the open so you arent blindsided by their reaction and they have the opportunity to show you their true self.
Two get a good matress protector and even a bed pad that is washable as well as try Northshore they can guide you to the inderwearproducts that fit your level of night incontinence. They can send free samples in unmarked packaging and frankly depends type stuff is only good for light leakers not full blown Nocturia (i have this too).
I dont know if sleeping or 20 minute napping in a semi upright position like a reclining chair position will help. I myself find lying flat on my back even napping causes my bladder to open and release the second i sit up or release and stay open all night.
Lastly, if it were me i would sleep with my beloved in twin beds or two full size even. You can be intimate but seperate for better sleep.
There are products to use at home to increase ones pelvic floor stamina and physical therapists who can teach this.
We are glad you felt safe enough to come here to speak today.

 

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It's hard to read abut such an unsupportive family. Sounds like they didn't try to educate themselves or you. If you haven't already done so, try RAINN (Rape, incest abuse, national network. They run a hotline, too - https://www.rainn.org/ Any trumma can be powering your problems and state of mind. RAINN are good people. So are the people here. Lots of threads here for specific help.

 

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Rainn, good organization and very helpful for me several years ago.

 

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When I first met my wife many years ago I told her about my bedwetting and the diapers like on out second date and she was great about it. She just said there are worse things to have and wearing diapers is a good idea. You need to tell your fiance

Steve

 

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You're not alone at all. There are so many of us on here who have had similar experiences like you have and please feel free to send me a private message and I will reply to you. Everyone on here is supportive and we are caring and understand. Have you invested in some good mattress protection? Perhaps that is a way of bringing bedwetting up in a conversation if your Fiance sees it and asks you about it?

 

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Thank you guys so much for your replies. My depression over the last few days has slowly been lifting since joining this support group.

I have told my fiance. He's known since we started dating it just is still difficult for me to deal with my self shaming when I wet sometimes. He doesn't like watching me feel so horrible over something that doesn't nor ever will bother him about me.

I guess a lot of my problem has come from my refusal to wear diapers or anything like that because I was shamed so hard as a kid for it I didn't want to go back to it.

As for my family I feel like they really just...idk it was the thing to do when I was a kid. You wet the bed then you get made fun of. And it wouldn't have been such a big deal if it wasnt such a prominent part of my life. My siblings all stopped when they were around 5-7 yet I continued wetting into my teens and early adulthood.
They don't make fun of me now, and my siblings are now very supportive. Just wish my dad would have taken this more seriously and gotten me to a doctor sooner. I might not be JUST NOW starting to deal with it.

As for the RAINN organization; I definitely will check that out. I just hope that it's either physical or mental and not both. Fixing one or the other is hard enough but both at the same time...no thankyou

 

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I for one am really glad you've done ALOT to help yourself in a short time! Turns out there is more kindness in your inner circle than you thought!thats huge!
Now obviously there are steps to be taken depending on the quality of health insurance you have. First is to get a check by your doctor for underlying conditions and a possible physical therapist to help you strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. If you are prescribed drugs beware, after reading countless accounts here of prescription meds i dont see a cure all in it but side effects are real for most.
Treatments and surgeries also not 100 percent.just so you dont think there is a magic bullet youve been denied all this time.
Secondly, a good mattress protector an over the bed sheet mat (i get a washable one on Amazon)and maybe in your situation a heavy duty pad to wear in undies at night. Thats the tricky part. It will get soaked. I have trained myself to remove it and put in a covered plastic bag in a pail next to the bed and replace it without fully waking.
The important thing is to know you are doing the best you can with a medical condition and be as kind to yourself as you would hope to be to someone you love.

 

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don't buy depends. Go to northshore care supply website and buy Better Dry diapers....online, anonmymous and they're about 700 times better than depends garbage.

I wet the bed every night, heavily and never leak.

 

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I was dating a lovely man some years ago, when I was first being incontinent in bed. He was a nurse. I told him about the problem and said I would understand if he wanted to sleep in another bed (it was a long distance relationship so when he visited, he would stay with me). I had a pretty good system and explained I didn’t think it would affect him. Sweet man that he was, he chose to sleep with me anyway.

So now your task is to find a system that works for you. My products are paid for by Medicaid, so they aren’t great. I put a big washable pad under me with a towel on top and then I wear pull-ups with extra pads inside. In fact, I have poodles. One was my service dog until she retired and the puppy is to be my service dog. The pads I use are huge, and I sleep on my left side. I wrap the pad over me so that if my dog sleeps up against me, he won’t get urine on him. He gets groomed once a month and I can’t wash him between, so it’s critical he doesn’t come into contact with urine.

So... what do you most need to accomplish? I have a waterbed so I don’t worry about the mattress. But I don’t want to change the sheets daily. So the pads protect the bedding.

Since I can’t really wash the pads daily, I have a large dog food container that is air tight, so they don’t smell. I have another one with a trash can in it that the disposables go into.

You’ll figure out a system, and if you need ideas, ask here, because these folks are great!

And just because he’s so cute, this is Sailor, six months old.

 

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Thank you Lee. Your right, being resourceful is just what we have to do. What a great idea using the dog food container.
Hope you have a nice evening.

Jim

 

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Ps,
Love your puppy!