Dignity is the Most Important

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Hey Guys and Gals,

Just wanted to pop in and talk about your dignity when handling continence products. Over the past week and through Christmas as you may know; i put myself in a situation where i could not be near a bathroom during a time of high stress where my urgency and spasms were heightened causing painful spasms and constant voiding.

As ive told you all before, normally for myself its a pressure that never goes away; a constant urge and small ache that is only relieved when voided. Im fortunate enough to work in a position where i can constantly use the facilities but this past year, i was in a position where i wasnt. It made me coop up in my bedroom and isolate myself because of the pain and leakage. Once i distanced myself from the stress for the most part; the spasms got better, but i still suffer from intermittent times where my symptoms get worse and i go back to daytime issues. Which either has me isolating and constantly being near a bathroom.

Anyway, i thought about you guys talking about dignity and grace - and it made me think about the pros and cons of pull on products vs tabbed.

Ive always worn products that are the same absorbansy and sometimes a shy better than Depend products (Attends and Tranquility here). Ive been trying Attends Classic Brief - which has given myself the dignity and liberating feeling of knowing that nobody knows im wearing one, i dont feel much protection so i feel better about myself, and i dont have to worry about leaks in or on the bed.

For men with daytime bladder control issues; my main concern on bad days where i start to put myself more and more in situations where a bathroom may not always be nearby - how do you handle replacing pull on garments?

I feel like discreet cloth briefs would give myself more dignity so i dont have to fully undress and have to pull on or off a glorified pull up.

Anyway, im still leaning to coming to self acceptance. Its like a double edged sword; do i go out and put up with so much pain on bad days so i can make it to the bathroom; or do i isolate and allow myself to relieve myself of the pain by constantly voiding or do i choose to bite the bullet, wear protection out and about and allow myself to live with less pain than i normally have.

Take care,
HC

 

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I frequently wear pull ups at work. I often have access to a disabled bathroom to change in, but when it is unavailable I use a regular stall in the men’s room. Honestly, I don’t think people are listening out for the sound of anyone changing their incontinence products except those who are incontinent.

Lately I’ve been experiencing a lot of over activity and have traded out the pull ups for nappies. Yes, they’re a bit bulkier, but you’re right about them being more convenient to change.

Do what you need to to look after yourself, mate. Your harshest critic for choosing protection over pain will be you.

 

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Honeeecombs, when I have bladder spasms usually when I lay down to sleep, I take a Chinese herb pill called Shao Yao Gan Cao Tang. It contains peony and licorice only. It helps to stop my spasms. It’s not expensive and doesn’t require a prescription.

 

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Honeeecombs, when I have bladder spasms usually when I lay down to sleep, I take a Chinese herb pill called Shao Yao Gan Cao Tang. It contains peony and licorice only. It helps to stop my spasms. It’s not expensive and doesn’t require a prescription.

Thank you! I will have to take a look into that; I have noticed my spasms worsened when laying down, sitting, standing or whenever I am relaxed. If I keep myself moving; I tend to only have the pressure and urge to go (Overactive). But if my body is relaxing, forget it; on some really bad days It sometimes can go from an urge; to surges. It's difficult to explain. Some days are painful, some days aren't. The symptoms vary.

The only thing that is constant is that I can't ever hold for more than 2 hours day or night (and that's on a REALLY good day. I typically go every 45-60 minutes on a typical day). That kinda beats up my self esteem because in college I could hold all day.

 

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Hi there, my way round this is to wear pull ups with a disposable pad inside so I have the comfort of double protection and the speed of just removing a pad when leakage is normal. I played table tennis for two hours last night and couldn’t hold a thing but I was able to go to the bathroom afterwards and clean up quickly. My mate know exactly what I am doing and I am relaxed with that. Work is a different thing where I keep it private. I even use the same when I go on long walks and have spare pads in my backpack, I find a suitable spot to change the pad and put it in a sealable bag in my bag. Not for everyone but works for me. Good luck

 

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Hi there, my way round this is to wear pull ups with a disposable pad inside so I have the comfort of double protection and the speed of just removing a pad when leakage is normal. I played table tennis for two hours last night and couldn’t hold a thing but I was able to go to the bathroom afterwards and clean up quickly. My mate know exactly what I am doing and I am relaxed with that. Work is a different thing where I keep it private. I even use the same when I go on long walks and have spare pads in my backpack, I find a suitable spot to change the pad and put it in a sealable bag in my bag. Not for everyone but works for me. Good luck

I never even gave that a thought. They make cloth all in one products that I've seen online that have replaceable pads inside them (Threaded Armour); but there so damn expensive. But I'll have to look into that.

I mean to be fair, if I was wearing a pull up plus pad it would probably feel bulkier than the typical cloth backed brief that i use at the moment.

Thank you for the insight, it means alot. Had I of known in January/February of 2020 when my bladder issues started to worsen that my bladder control would never go back to normal - I would have saved up the funds to buy reusable pull on cloth products. Not like cloth diapers; cause I ain't wearing a vinyl or plastic cover over them like some do here. Screw that, I remember being so scared of a crinkle as a youth.

Some days I'm truly Feds up with it. I have someone in my life that is struggling with addiction; and unfortunately the drug is winning on the battlegrounds of our relationship.

My parents have never been the comforting type and never have been the type to step up and make me feel validated in my feelings - so I don't really have anybody other than you guys to vent to. This is a secret you don't open up to others about unless others went through the same thing.

And most of the time our society mocks the incontinent (In America we have a problem against the different in general); and the problem with incontinence in general is that the condition itself feels like a mountain but is truly a molehill.

I remember the accidents I would have in my childhood and being blamed for not acting my age- and deep down you know it was an honest mistake. It makes dealing with this condition as a young adult 10x worse.

"And I think to myself; What a wonderful world" Are my feelings valid?

Sincerely,
HC

 

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May I suggest you consider finding a support group for others with relationships with addicts. I may (probably) have this wrong, but I think the name is Al-anon. Anyone know for sure what the name is? I'll Google it and get back to you.

 

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Al-anon is for family and friends of alcoholics. If you look it up, there may be a chapter for drug abuse, or similar organizations. Good luck. You don't need further stress in your life, at least not without support.

 

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And, yes. Your feelings are valid.