Developed a system but still have questions

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Hey guys I know this topic is a little repetitive but sometimes repetition helps me process things. As mentioned in a previous post, I have functional incontinence and that means my muscles work but it is harder for me to get to the bathroom.

I have developed a system where I’ve decided to wear pull-ups when I’m at home and then taped diapers when I go on long trips and when I fall asleep. I feel kind of like a light in my gut when I think about this and I think it will work. Some progress on unwinding the confusion

One of the things that I will concede to members who are older is that some young people do not know how to manage their emotions. One thing I am now struggling with is managing when I am reminded that incontinence is associated with small children. Are there people who struggle with this stigma?

Thanks.

 

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I still sometimes struggle with the stigma. I remember when I was a kid, someone wrote to Dear Abby or Ann landers about bedwetting in their teens. Her answer was no man went on his honeymoon wearing a diaper. How times have changed.

 

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I understand that you are in your 20's and looking at a long term condition which needs acceptance of being incontinent. I think you are doing very well. Acceptance can be a long process. By writing and sharing with others, we feel a release of anxiety each time.

Many people have acceptance and are moving on. Those of us that are still in the process need to voice are concerns.

 

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Thank you for listening to my concerns. I don’t know if this makes any sense but I feel like my incontinence kind of “snuck up on me”. I have been going through the process of evaluating what will improve my quality of life the most over the past year or so and I realized that a component of this is to wear incontinence products. I hope that I eventually get comfortable with the label. I guess the good thing is that I won’t have accidents all the time but when I do, it helps me participate in activities that are important to me.

 

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Hi @rdouga1, NO matter what your age if you're old enough to have kidneys and a urinary system, you can have incontinence. Just like if someone is old enough to have a heart they can still have heart problems. For instance, when I lived in Polk County, Fla., I heard of an eight-year-old boy having a fatal heart attack. So physical ailments and impairments really don't have all that much to do with the age of the person.
Sure, young children may or may not have mastered controlling themselves but that's really not germane to the physical reasons that people of all ages may be subject to incontinence. That's like saying that children don't get involved in car accidents since they are too young to drive!!!! We all know that is baloney since children who are passengers can have as much a chance of being injured in a vehicle accident as a driver. Needless to say, taking precautions may go a way in preventing such consequences, obviously!
And @artiejr, I do remember that letter written to Dear Abby or Ann Landers in which they said no man ever wore diapers on his honeymoon! Times have indeed changed and fortunately we're much more enlightened now than those advice columnists were way back when!!!!!

 

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Ann and Abby were occasionally wrong artiejr. and they always apologized later, their subscribers wouldn't let them get away with much.

I grew up knowing that the women in the family had incontinence issues so I just accepted that as I grew older I would too and because of surgeries I began having issues by the time I was 31, but didn't start wearing protection until I was in my 70s. Now at 83 it's at least Everyday Liners!

 

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I believe that letter from the columnist was written back in the early 70s. It's hard to believe that you come into the world in a diaper, you leave the world in a diaper, and often you wear a diaper in between. I still have a hard time accepting it at age 70.

 

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>>>> One of the things that I will concede to members who are older is that some young people do not know how to manage their emotions. One thing I am now struggling with is managing when I am reminded that incontinence is associated with small children. Are there people who struggle with this stigma? <<<<<

Thanks.

I can understand how a younger person would struggle more with the "mental side" of incontinence. I think pretty much ALL of us older folks can understand, since at one time, we were ALL younger... I mean hey, society pretty much expects you to be "At the top of your game" when you're in your 20's, 30's, early 40's... You're generally at your peak fitness and health, and most of the population doesn't have physical limitations and health issues. So if you're 20-something and need diapers, yeah, that's a rough load to deal with. I guess the only thing I can say is focus on some big goal or dream that you have, and push on... Try not to dwell on the negative parts of your life. A wise man once said: "If you look towards the sun, you'll see no shadows.." I think with time, you'll find it will get easier to deal with.

I suffered with bedwetting until my mid teens, then "dried up" until my later years. By the time my bedwetting and urge incontinence got bad enough that I had to go back into diapers, I was in my later 50's, and compared to others in my peer group, I considered myself lucky! After your friends start dying from different diseases, or they need a transplant, or a cane or wheelchair, having to wear a diaper really does seem like a small thing. I know, that's little consolation now.

 

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Having just come from having a prostrate removal five weeks ago I am beginning to have issues accepting that incontinence is an issue. I am really beginning to mentally struggle with this as I’m concerned how long it is going to last.While doing the recommended exercises I feel that no improvement is happening . Am I being to anxious . Any help will be great full. I’ve just turned 60 years of age.

 

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@JimF Welcome to the forum. You can use the search magnifying glass at left middle to search. Be sure to hit the blue text to see the advanced search options.

At 5 weeks, you are still very early in your journey.

Read the following with
1) follow your doctors advise, (Surgeon, Urologist, Primary Care Physician )
1A - Use the patient portal for your doctor's office to ask questions. Several have found that this has been a better way to contact their doctor

2) we are not doctors,

3) you just had major surgery even if the outside of your body does not look like it, on the inside you have about a 3 inch cube of area removed and rearranged, and

4) time sucks - really patience is important and understanding that 3 to 6 months is normal - but several like me, are 6 to 12 months in healing.

Are you dry at night? Hopefully, you are which means you are improving.

Most men take 12 to 26 weeks to get dry. Walking and kegels seem to be a big factor.

Walking start slow (quarter mile - a few hundred feet) and increase to about 2 miles or 45 minutes depending on your pre surgery levels. If you feel a pain or pull, slow down and shorten you walk.

Kegels follow your doctors advice. If you are not dry at 13 weeks ask for referral to Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy if it has not be offered. For me, my pelvic floor therapist reduce the number of kegels down to 3 sets of 10 per day. She rest my hold time to 5 seconds. At the end of 6 weeks, she said to keep the hold time at 7 seconds. Also I am down to 2 ounces a night which probably occur with me getting out of bed to pee twice a night. The most notable benefit for me is that it strengthen my bladder to hold the urine until I wake up at about 4 hours.