Caring less as I get older

Archives1

Archives1

Staff member
I am finding that I care less as I get older. I was hanging clothes and had two cases of diapers taking up most of the room. I finally decided to break down the boxes and stack them to the side. I opted not to cover them. I have made a lot of progress with acceptance, thanks to my wife. I still don't want my mids to know but I decided to stop caring so much. It wouldn't be the end of the world.

Anyone else feel that way?
 
That is a HUGE step Lorimpsum!! Being incontinent is a struggle, mentally and physically!! To be able to have support like you do and to start excepting that you are you and the diapers do t define you is a massive step or leap forward!! I wear them everyday usually 24/7 and have found that I can just live my life and for the most part don’t even think about it. I do however still get depressed over it now and then but I am working on noticing those triggers and coping sooner than later!! I wish you the best of life and hope your having a great day!!
 
Well done! I’m the same, i’ve only been 24/7 for the past two years but I am really to the point the I don’t care that others know. If they don’t like the fact that I have to wear a different type of underwear, then they’re not worth the time to worry about.
 
100% correct Viseleguy. My attitude exactly and it’s just realizing most of the problem and anxiety is just in our own heads. It’s just understanding that and being able to let go and accept it.
 
I agree the older I get the less concerned I am about it. No real choice in the matter so what’s the difference. I’ve told many friends and have found the more open I am about it the easier it has become. I’ve never had any real negative comments. I figure since I’ve worn diapers at night my whole life and been 24/7 for 15 years now there’s really nothing to it. I still have my doctor recommend maybe surgery as a possible solution but I just can’t see doing that since there is no guarantee it would work anyway.
 
I definitely am NOT getting used to wearing diapers in public. If I had a spouse, particularly an accepting spouse, I’d feel better about it. I’ve had Neurogenic Bladder for five years. I’m 44 now, 39 when I fell down the cliff. So I’m five years into the bladder mess. From what I’ve seen my father go through in comparison - he became somewhat incontinent at age 71 - with a very loving wife to share life with - it’s totally different. He doesn’t have to go to work. He doesn’t have friends he skis with. It’s very different when incontinence is age-appropriate for someone. I know it sucks no matter what, but it’s easier when you’re older and your peers are experiencing something similar, and it’s expected of your age group. I do agree that I gradually become more used to it with time, but I’m verrrrrrrrrrry far from not negatively judging myself for it and from feeling like a total loser who is twice my actual age. I feel much more self-conscious when I’m in public than when I’m alone. Neurogenic Bladder turned me into an introvert but the problem is I’m naturally extremely extroverted. So I’ve suffocated.
 
@snow We are always harder on ourselves. I think you need to love yourself a little bit! I can say it might be tougher to approach things (relationships) had I had bladder problems first. I don't think it's impossible though. Hang in there buddy.
 
Yes, @lorumipsum, I feel the same way. And good posts here from everyone else as well. To sum, I've accepted what my needs are and I just go about my business. If I hadn't accepted it and adapted, the consequences would be much more embarrassing if you know what I mean! So I had a choice to make. After all we are talking about just a different type of underwear and who really pays attention to underwear? I totally get that it's so very easy to perceive that others know what you have underneath. Even when wearing something relatively discreet there was still that nagging feeling that someone would know. It's kind of a psychological trick, if you will. Can't explain why but it happens. As far as thinking that others know (or rather not knowing) it's out of sight, out of mind.
And Snow, I'm sure the people you work with and your friends would refuse to say you're a loser. With all of the energy that you seem to have, or at least on this forum, I think that's the part that people are most likely to notice. But still have that nagging self-conscious worry? Yes it's real. I can attest to that. But maybe you can adjust your wardrobe to include clothes that are looser-fitting, then nobody would have the slightest idea of what's underneath. (not that they would anyway!) That might help your overall outlook. I don't wear tight clothes myself. To tell you the truth I never felt really comfortable in them anyway! I hope that helps.
 
@Petejc @Visleguy Thanks guys! Acceptance is odd and can ebb and flow. The next hurdle is facing my kids, but all things in good time!
 
Snow I like many hear hear and know exactly how you feel. After falling down that cliff you could have been left in far worse shape, yes? No way to change reality but my concern is an extrovert allowing a condition to change who you are. Life deals many hands, and mine was dealt at birth with a neurogenic bladder. I endured my 5-20 year old stage of life wetting my bed and dependent on diapers as my only means of relief yet you can imagine how much that curtailed that time of life. Not to mention the countless times I was identified as a bedwetter, pantswetter, and ridiculed for the same. How to press on, well knowing nothing you did can help or remove the events that brought you to where you are. Chosen no, should have to deal with no, why me phase, ( please look around at all the health afflicted in our world). This is, in reality, such a minor condition to deal with if you adjust your attitude to it. This isn’t an old/young thing... I’ve wet at night my whole life and struggled with daytime leakage forever also, and was never even diagnosed with a neurogenic bladder until well into my 30’s. My condition did not crop up for my age it is simply a condition I choose to live with and not be ashamed for as if I have a choice. Try to stop beating yourself up over it and move forward being honest about it. You might find it’s really not that important to those around you. That have their wagons full also.
 
Snow: I would try to look at diapers as something that is enabling you rather than disabling you. Obviously this is way easier to say than to do but consider if you didn't have good diapers, you would be essentially confined to your house always having to be within a minute or so of a toilet, talk about introverted. Appropriate protection allows you, with a minor change to your wardrobe, to get out and be with your friends and experience life. Now that sounds like an extrovert to me.
BTW... When I lived in a more northern climate I used to snow ski and the one thing I hated was always having to come down off the mountain to pee. Man, if I would have had the awesome diapers that we have today I'd have used the biggest one I could find and skied all day. Of course I would have had to take a mid-day break for lunch, a hot Goulash Soup and some Gluwein, but to take time off from skiing to hit the bathroom, nope, thanks diapers!
 
Hi Snow, just wanted to pop in again and say that mourning something we've lost is human nature but you still have a lot left in you and it's a good lot, an excellent lot! I'm thinking of your wonderful and superbly creative mind. You have that special gift. You have used your mind in your career and in pursuing all of your passions. And most thankfully, that is something you still have and it's a supremely important thing to have. You have used your mind and personality to advise us and to help everyone and to vividly share your insights with us. And basically you are a very valued and treasured friend to us. That's something that can't be taken away, ever! As I look at it, you are a winner! Don't know if I could have gone through what you've had to go through. You are a true fighter and a survivor, and that is the real mark of a winner! You can still be that extrovert that you were born as, but it will need to be an adaptation, as many of us here have had to adapt to conditions, or a "new normal" as it were. I know you can do it!
As for the very understandable reticence toward wearing protection, the two posts above have wonderful advice. Protection is so well made these days that you can be with friends and do things that are fun for you and nobody else will be any the wiser. So let's please think about ways to do it and not dwell on ways in which it can't be done.
And please know all of this is coming from the heart. My heart does not lie.
 
I am going through this more this year than ever before. I have had issues for a while but they have gotten much worse so diapers are now a part of my life all the time now. @lorumipsim, I am getting to be more like you and similarly I am more afraid of longer time friends and my family seeing my diapers than newer friends. That may seem backwards, but that is how it is. I have been renovating my house this year and am missing closet doors in a few rooms including my bedroom. I buy diapers in bulk so anyone that comes in my bedroom will see them.

@snow, I think it is going to get better with time for you. The thing is that what is going on in your ski pants or other pants is your business and doesn’t make you a loser. Sorry to be so crass, but that is the truth. Most likely nobody is going to notice it anyway. Just forgive yourself and you will realize you may have been the only one holding it against you.
 
Hey Snow, I just want to tell you it can get better. Not necessarily your incontinence, but how you view it. I was 28 years old, working out & partying with the San Diego Chargers as well as going to my Dojo to keep up my Matial Arts. Etc. etc. I had just purchased 4 car dealerships, everything was going GREAT! Then I left the office to take my new euro-spec Saab SPG Convertible for a ride & grab a sandwich. I could have walked across the street, but wanted to drive that new car I bought while in Sweden. Then that 80,000 lbs gravel truck ran over me. It broke so many bones I spent 3 months in the hospital having Humpty Dumpty stitched, pinned & bolted back together again.
Yes I was FULLY incontinent, and all I had was bulky cloth diapers, none of the options we have today. Try hiding that in San Diego! I went into a deep depression, sold all of my businesses & wouldn’t leave the house. 4 months later my Wife left me, she couldn’t stand seeing her 5’11 180lbs of muscle Husband wearing diapers. That’s a crappy year!
I changed my life, finished my grad degrees and traveled the world working in Global Finance and went on to motorcycle the entire lower 48, Canada and parts of Mexico on my Harley’s. These are just a few highlights.
I also fell 2 stories through a floor, tearing my legs,knees,back, neck & shoulder apart in 98, then was hit on my Harley head on by a drunk driver in 2006 lost the use of my legs for almost two years 3 weeks after returning from a month on the Amalfi Coast of Italy for my Honeymoon. Nobody ever said life is easy, but IT IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT! The incontinence? I’ve been seen by so many techs, nurses, physical therapists & doctors in my diapers I couldn’t begin to count. It’s just a component of my survival! Whenever meeting a new Dr, I present them with a book of all of my injuries etc. So many have commented, how do you keep going? Where do you find the motivation just to get out of bed? It’s pretty simple, I take NOTHING for granted & live every day to MY fullest. Feel free to contact me on pm if you’d like.
Wish you nothing but the best!
Humpty Dumpty
 
When younger the word bed wetter struck with a lot of stigma.When older have handled it better my wife never holds it over me.
 
You must log in or register to post here.

Similar threads

Archives1
Welp I guess my secret is out.
Replies
8
Views
162
Archives1
Archives1
Archives1
Question about bedwetting children
Replies
13
Views
352
Archives1
Archives1
J
Caring for teenagers
Replies
3
Views
237
donny4
D
Archives1
Positive Post!
Replies
7
Views
238
Archives1
Archives1
Archives1
Developed a system but still have questions
Replies
9
Views
164
Archives1
Archives1
Back
Top