Caregiving for my family member
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Archives1
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Dear Missgiver,
For us to help you, you need to help us.
Please provide us some details about the person’s current medical condition and age. It would also help us if you could share your age and physical capabilities.
There is a big difference between hospice care and daily care giving support for someone with physical or mental limitations but otherwise capable of performing most daily activities.
For us to help you, you need to help us.
Please provide us some details about the person’s current medical condition and age. It would also help us if you could share your age and physical capabilities.
There is a big difference between hospice care and daily care giving support for someone with physical or mental limitations but otherwise capable of performing most daily activities.
Archives1
Staff member
Greensleeves351 is right about that. It means a near total sacrifice of the caregiver to be available all the time, without resentment. You have to constantly put yourself in the shoes (or socks) of the person you're caring for, doing little things to bring them comfort, like back and foot rubs, preparing food that they want. Getting some basic training in caregiving is also helpful to learn how to lift a person from a chair or bed or get into a vehicle. Will you have a medical power of attorney? Will you be tasked with paying the utility and other bills. Maybe you'll need a legal power of attorney. I'm assuming you'll be living with the family member? I know others here will have some good advice.
Archives1
Staff member
Hi @Missginger, I think, without knowing details of how you'll be caring for your family member, one thing you definitely have to know is how to lift a person from chair to bed and back to chair and in and out of vehicles, as suggested right upstairs here by ritanofsinger. Too many times somebody with wonderful intentions may not know the fine points of lifting and moving patients. As a result, there may be back injuries which can be mighty incapacitating and would render you completely unable to provide the care your family member needs. (I have lower back spasms sometimes which would make things very difficult if they happened while taking care of someone). So please find out how to lift and move someone because safety for your family member and yourself are vitally important. Barring that, please ensure that you have someone else around who will be able to help you. Along those lines, please ensure that bed and wheelchair (if one is being used) have their wheels locked before moving somebody.
And if medications are to be given and you have any questions whatsoever, please immediately contact the pharmacist or the doctor's office.
Since this is an incontinence forum, you may have questions about what type of garment to use and this is the right place to ask about that. And that includes skin care (highly important) as well as bathing techniques.
In other words, please make sure you know everything there is to know about how to take care of your family member and how to quickly reach someone if you need help doing that. The person's safety and comfort should be Priority One for you at all times.
I hope this is helpful and gives you some insight into this and please come back with any questions you may have.
Thank you for reaching out to us.
And if medications are to be given and you have any questions whatsoever, please immediately contact the pharmacist or the doctor's office.
Since this is an incontinence forum, you may have questions about what type of garment to use and this is the right place to ask about that. And that includes skin care (highly important) as well as bathing techniques.
In other words, please make sure you know everything there is to know about how to take care of your family member and how to quickly reach someone if you need help doing that. The person's safety and comfort should be Priority One for you at all times.
I hope this is helpful and gives you some insight into this and please come back with any questions you may have.
Thank you for reaching out to us.
Archives1
Staff member
Boomersway said:
Well said @Boomersway! And I hope you feel welcome here @Missginger. You truly are.
Often when we face a brand-new challenge in life it feels terrifying and overwhelming. It is hard to ask for help, or even to ask for advice when we don't know what we will need to know.
@Missginger it is okay to feel whatever you are feeling right now. You are just starting out on a journey into the unknown. You won't know the right questions to ask yet, but as time passes things will get clearer.
Just for now my advice is to remember you are not alone. There will be help available for you from your family member's doctor and other health providers, and from family and friends. Find out what is available locally and accept as much help as you can.
Also remember that your family member is a loved one not a job. Whatever you find that you need to do to help them - they are still themselves. Helping them to keep their dignity and to know that they are loved is the most valuable thing you can do for them.
And check in with this forum often. People here have a lot of experience of care (both giving and receiving) and are very generous in giving advice.
This will feel like a difficult time, but others give care to their loved ones and you will be able to do the same just as well as anyone. Give yourself time to adjust and to understand what your loved one's needs are and you will be fine.
Archives1
Staff member
Hi again @Missginger, I'm glad you came to us and confided in us and asked for advice. Everything said here is definitely right on the money and always do ask for help whenever you feel need it. I think that's vitally important. Just don't be afraid to ask and don't worry about inconveniencing those you do ask for help. It's also good to have somebody around who you can talk with.
All of this said, it's also important to look after yourself as well. Caregivers can get to a point where they just need time for themselves to "regroup" and to recharge your batteries. Is there someone you can ask to take over whenever you feel the need to take care of yourself for awhile? That way you can do what you need to do and not feel you're abandoning the person you're taking care of. When you had a rest and done the errands and other things you need to do, then you'll feel more refreshed and ready to get back into caregiving. But all too often people forget that the caregivers themselves need to take care of themselves as well and that should be taken into consideration when planning this journey.
And of course we hope you keep us up to date on how things are going and anytime you feel you want moral support please know you are more than welcome here---anytime!!
All of this said, it's also important to look after yourself as well. Caregivers can get to a point where they just need time for themselves to "regroup" and to recharge your batteries. Is there someone you can ask to take over whenever you feel the need to take care of yourself for awhile? That way you can do what you need to do and not feel you're abandoning the person you're taking care of. When you had a rest and done the errands and other things you need to do, then you'll feel more refreshed and ready to get back into caregiving. But all too often people forget that the caregivers themselves need to take care of themselves as well and that should be taken into consideration when planning this journey.
And of course we hope you keep us up to date on how things are going and anytime you feel you want moral support please know you are more than welcome here---anytime!!
Archives1
Staff member
You all on this forum are so kind and compassionate. I am on another more general forum and some people seem to always be on the defensive and ready to lash into people for anything. It seems that owning your disability or health challenge makes you a more caring person and what Phil6003 said about caring for others is so true. It can be very difficult sometimes when a person is on the offensive to remember that they may be dealing with some hard things. I have ingrained in my brain a piece of prose that says "to preserve each man's dignity." You all do that.
Archives1
Staff member
Thank you for your nice comments, @ritanofsinger. I think it's true that having a health challenge or a physical challenge makes one more caring and more empathetic toward the issues that others have. And when caregiving for someone the person being cared for is definitely having to deal with some really hard reality and truths. Those people have to wonder if things will ever improve or if he or she will ever get back to the way they were. There will always be a new normal for the patient and the goal of physical and occupational therapy is to help someone adjust to that new normal. I would think caregiving is kind of similar.
But certainly your ingrained prose "to preserve each man's (make that each person's) dignity" is what we need to remember.
As for the way they act on your more general forum, I find that people in general these days are definitely more on the defensive and are more apt to be spoiling for a fight!!! That's just true wherever you go any more. I attribute it to the pandemic and all of the implications we have talked about many times here. The pandemic has just worn everyone down and everyone is being rubbed raw!!
But to those who continue to be caregivers, or are just starting to do that, and working through all of this, hats
off to each and every one of you!!!
But certainly your ingrained prose "to preserve each man's (make that each person's) dignity" is what we need to remember.
As for the way they act on your more general forum, I find that people in general these days are definitely more on the defensive and are more apt to be spoiling for a fight!!! That's just true wherever you go any more. I attribute it to the pandemic and all of the implications we have talked about many times here. The pandemic has just worn everyone down and everyone is being rubbed raw!!
But to those who continue to be caregivers, or are just starting to do that, and working through all of this, hats
off to each and every one of you!!!
Archives1
Staff member
Thanks billiveshere, When I wrote the sentence about each man's dignity I couldn't remember where it came from then I just remembered it's by Max Ehrmann, The Desiderata, not sure of the date but probably written before we started including females in speech! thanks for your kind words - always.
Archives1
Staff member
@Missginger hi. I’m not sure of the exact circumstances of your situation but I will give you my experience as someone who has needed caregiving.
A little background: I am a right below the knee amputee with a paralyzed neurogenic bladder and some bowel issues. I wear diapers 24/7 and also have arthritis in my shoulders sometimes making it hard to change myself. I have been without a caregiver for over a month now due to staff shortages at the agency. Been doing things (well, not all of them. I’ve had help) on my own. When I was at my worst I had to have help with everything. Including changing my diapers. I’m assuming your family member is incontinent. My advice is make it no big deal. Don’t comment on the situation or make it seem like they are a burden. This might seem obvious but I have had aides make comments to me like “awww, did you have an accident?” And while it seemed innocent to them it was super embarrassing for me. When changing make sure you are thorough. You want to avoid rashes and bed sores. Chux are a great thing to have on chairs and beds. They can be bought online. Don’t take your frustrations out on the family member. They already feel bad enough needing care I’ll guarantee you that.
If you have any questions please ask. I’m happy to talk about my experiences
A little background: I am a right below the knee amputee with a paralyzed neurogenic bladder and some bowel issues. I wear diapers 24/7 and also have arthritis in my shoulders sometimes making it hard to change myself. I have been without a caregiver for over a month now due to staff shortages at the agency. Been doing things (well, not all of them. I’ve had help) on my own. When I was at my worst I had to have help with everything. Including changing my diapers. I’m assuming your family member is incontinent. My advice is make it no big deal. Don’t comment on the situation or make it seem like they are a burden. This might seem obvious but I have had aides make comments to me like “awww, did you have an accident?” And while it seemed innocent to them it was super embarrassing for me. When changing make sure you are thorough. You want to avoid rashes and bed sores. Chux are a great thing to have on chairs and beds. They can be bought online. Don’t take your frustrations out on the family member. They already feel bad enough needing care I’ll guarantee you that.
If you have any questions please ask. I’m happy to talk about my experiences
Archives1
Staff member
Hi EJ. Excellent comments speaking as someone who needs care and a that's a good insight into what's going on and on how to be a more effective caregiver.
It's ironic that while the agency you use has been experiencing staff shortages for over a month, that many places here where I live and I think probably in DC as well, have signs out all over the place asking for help. So the jobs are there and available but the people just need to get off their duffs and apply. Admittedly though an agency such as the one you use shouldn't just accept the first person to walk in off the street. They need people who are motivated to work in the caregiving field and who want to be trained to do that.
It's ironic that while the agency you use has been experiencing staff shortages for over a month, that many places here where I live and I think probably in DC as well, have signs out all over the place asking for help. So the jobs are there and available but the people just need to get off their duffs and apply. Admittedly though an agency such as the one you use shouldn't just accept the first person to walk in off the street. They need people who are motivated to work in the caregiving field and who want to be trained to do that.
Archives1
Staff member
Hello,
You have all made me feel so welcome. I thank you so much and I can see that this was the right place to come to for assistance.
My family member has a neurogenic bladder and wears diapers as well. He is also constipated and battling depression.
I know that I want to make him feel comfortable and happy. I will make sure to learn the ways to lift and help. I do have a few spasms now and then, but things are better. This is not hospice care. He is in his 60s and his depression is getting the best of him right now. There will be meds, and I think I have a pretty good handle on them, but the drs and pharmacists will be helpful as well.
@Justej I appreciate the help with the diapering. I do not want to embarrass him, so thank you for that. HE wears diapers and occasionally goes in for a foley catheter. I will ask for help and I will get the training. I do want to take care of him, as he is so kind and sweet to so many others.
I will follow your advice on self care for caregivers as well. Thank you all so much! You are so kind.
You have all made me feel so welcome. I thank you so much and I can see that this was the right place to come to for assistance.
My family member has a neurogenic bladder and wears diapers as well. He is also constipated and battling depression.
I know that I want to make him feel comfortable and happy. I will make sure to learn the ways to lift and help. I do have a few spasms now and then, but things are better. This is not hospice care. He is in his 60s and his depression is getting the best of him right now. There will be meds, and I think I have a pretty good handle on them, but the drs and pharmacists will be helpful as well.
@Justej I appreciate the help with the diapering. I do not want to embarrass him, so thank you for that. HE wears diapers and occasionally goes in for a foley catheter. I will ask for help and I will get the training. I do want to take care of him, as he is so kind and sweet to so many others.
I will follow your advice on self care for caregivers as well. Thank you all so much! You are so kind.
Archives1
Staff member
HI @Missginger, any time you have a question or just want to chat with us there is always someone around here and we are only a couple of taps on the keyboard away!!! But I can't emphasize enough the importance of knowing about the lifting techniques and other aspects of physically caring for your family member. Please keep us posted on how things are going. I've said before that support from others while you do the caregiving is really important and we can offer you all sorts of moral support and we'll help you through this!
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