That really turns my stomach...

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I feel absolutely sickened when I hear about a child being punished for bedwetting or a daytime accident. It is not the child's fault whatsoever. This is something that's considered a medical thing so why would anyone in his or her right mind even think of punishing a child for it? After all the child did not WANT to wet. But many times a kid saying that will be rebuffed by the parent and made to feel even worse. If the child had a heart condition, cerebral palsy, asthma, a brain tumor, or something equally serious would one punish the child for that???? They better not! And enuresis although obviously not a deadly condition is a medical condition, nonetheless. And to hear the horror stories of how kids were killed or severely injured for wetting the bed is just nauseating!
At the nature center where we have field trips, we see children coming in for a fun day of learning. They love being out in the woods and at the lake, having lunch outside, and it really shows! They are not in school or at home and they take in all of the sights, sounds, smells and other sensations that nature offers. They ask all sorts of questions and we get comments such as "This is even better than Disneyworld!". That adds to our day as well and I go home feeling completely rewarded! And when I see the kids eagerly get off the bus or I take them down to the lake I just hope that they are all safe and happy at home. I hope when they get home they tell the family about the wonderful day they had. But the truth is, I don't know how realistic that is as some of the kids have probably had a horrendous night before and a tearful morning. Those are the ones I wish we could keep at the center so they can stay safe and happy as they should be, and shielded from the horrors at home.
If this sparks painful memories for anyone reading this, I'm really and truly sorry. But please know that compassion and true,heartfelt discussion are the ways to deal with this. Please comment if you would like to.

 

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Billliebeshere" A big Thank You.
For young children, getting them access to RAINN is hard or impossible, although never underestimate a child's understanding. A doctor or a nurse could expa to a parent.Once the child is ld enough to be in the doctors office on their own, they cando it. Someone has to suggest it to them, probably.
Website = rainn.org
Their toll-free number is 800-656-HOPE = 800-656-4673
How that gets to the child is a question I can't answer, but maybe a close family relative can help with the parents or directly with the child. Example, talk to the child, get the child's consent, make the call and turn it over to the kid. Boy, will that be hard, when you consider the parents reaction.
Note that a teacher, for example, is required to report abuse. But first they have to be aware of it. That may include Day Care - which are out of business, due to covid.
Social Services may be who gets notified, or a discreet talk with Social Service directly?
Tuff decision even if you are a close relative or the parents.
Maybe finding that NPR story and giving it to the parents as a handout?
Point them to NAFC?
Abuse and abusers are a hard one. In the first ten of offenses against God. Parents are supposed to a child's support and solution. It's our job, in our job description. In the job description of any human being.
Doesn't mean it's easy when you see it, suspect it, feel you have to do something.
"I never promised you a rose garden"
Darn.
My rant topic #3.

 

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The good thing is today betdwetting is tolerated a little more than it was in previousl generations. I'm sure there are still some horrible stories out there, don't get me wrong but with the sort of mainstream marketing of the Goodnites products and internet information, I think a lot of parents are better educated on the problem and less likely to punish.

 

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I rememeber one memory at Easter. I was 12. And my cousin who I looked up to for so many years came up with her boyfriend from college and we went over to my aunt and uncles for an easter brunch. I had stayed over at my dads that weekend and while in earshot I heard my older cousin ask how I was doing - to which in the conversation I heard my dad remark "He still wakes up floating". I remember going home to my mothers house that night and the first thing I did was grab these wooden nickels i had stacked on my dresser that I had accumulated as a youth from opening up a kids savings account when I was like 9 or 10 called "DinoSavers" (How I remember that- ill never know) - and I chucked them all at my bedroom wall until they broke. I guess until I broke. At which point after I had done so - I did. Two years later - I was dry.

Dads can be a dick about bedwetting. I think he was more self occupied about having a growing boy who still wore pullups at night. That night I broke down at my moms my step dad took me out for a ride and we ended up getting appetizers at a restaurant called Zebbs. He really did care. Which is why when I started having issues as an adult - he was the first person i opened up to while going to drs appointments.

 

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That's true, parents do have an unwritten "job description" and for those who would abuse or punish a child for something not their fault does NOT go along with the job description. A parent is not doing his/her job then. A parent is supposed to be the support and offer solutions, not more problems, for a child faced with something like bedwetting.
And @JC1471 I totally agree that bedwetting is tolerated more these days than in past generations. And that is thanks to the prolific advertising for GoodNites. It's now more out in the open and with the designs offered on GoodNites, children begin to feel somewhat empowered by wearing this cool underwear each night. And wise parents say, "Whew! One less thing to worry about!" And undoubtedly the kids end up facing the day less embarrassed now. I think you are also right in that with the publicity offered by companies such as GoodNites parents are much better informed and realize if their child has a wet night it is not the end of the world, nor should the child be made to feel it is.
Trev, it sounds like you have a cool step dad and he filled in with the role your father should have done. I'm glad he is still there for you. I know you will continue to cherish him. I think your father was one of those old fashioned souls who just couldn't stand to have a son who he felt was weak and couldn't carry on the family name with dignity. BUT we here say "nonsense!" That's an old fashioned Victorian attitude. Bladder problems do not indicate a person, particularly your child, is weak. As a child does what he can to overcome this, he or she turns out to be very strong and I'll bet that most children in that position are those that any parent would be proud to have.

 

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Fear of how my father might have reacted was one of the reasons why I kept my bedwetting a secret when I started with me as a teen. He wasn't physically abusive but he definitely had and old school Eastern European mindset. I suspect that there would have been verbal abuse in things he might have said and honestly I think he would not even realize how hurtful those thing were. Now again, I never gave him the chance to see how he would have reacted. Maybe I was wrong in my thinking, but I wasn't ready to take that chance.

 

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I can agree, my dad was much harsher about it than my mom also. Maybe its just a mom thing but for a few months I used to get spanked by him every wet morning but my mom put a stop to that eventually. He was also the one who wanted me to wear diapers to bed but that only happened a few times growing up. My mom seemed to be ok with it and then backed off of making wear them regularly. At the time,
I remember asking if I could just get spanked instead of getting diapered, as for me there was nothing worse than laying on the living room floor getting diapered in front of your younger sibling and the whole family laughing at you as you waddle off to bed.I think since he knew it bothered me so much, that was his "go to" punishment when he got fed up with my wetting.

 

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@JC1471, I am truly sorry to hear that! I kind of blame it on the fact that it's a depression-era mentality thing and dads were supposed to be the strong and tough ones, so why not their sons? I know my dad was a fine one and never was abusive, although he could be rather stern and somewhat strict. But he was quite forthright and had many good qualities that I hope I inherited. But that was in the era when boys had crew cuts (I hated my haircuts, every damned week!) and boys were supposed to be the image of the crew-cut spotlessly neatly-dressed in clean hjeans and clean T-shirt all-American boy riding his bike off to Little League. But that was the ideal image of a son back then. And you're right, I think the moms were gentler in dealing with the so-called "transgressions" such as bedwetting. It was seen back then as more of a behavioral issue than something that has been shown to be medical in origin. And we all know now that blaming bedwetting on behavior issues that need disciplinary modification is pure b---s---. Right? Doing the diapering thing in the living room in front of the sibs would not be helpful in the slightest! I'm sorry you had to endure that crap! But thank God many parents are more enlightened than that now, although there are still some glaring exceptions, I'm sure! And kids could be punished from now until the cows come home, but guess what? That won't help the bedwetting! Now I'm getting wound up again! But everyone here sees the ridiculousness of it all. Putting a diaper on a child should be done with the attitude that it isn't a punishment (you've done nothing wrong),
but will make the child more comfortable, sleep better and do away with the yucky feeling of wet sheets and all of that! Doing it with that attitude is in no way infantile in the least!
And J.T., I see where you're coming from! Even if your dad had said things that we would have taken as verbal abuse, he probably just didn't realize just how hurtful it could be. If you could have recorded him during that and played it back to him I'm sure he would have been shocked to say the least! And in this generation we, who were kids at one point, now are empowered to speak out against such things. With your dad's old Eastern European background and mine's old New England Puritan background, they wouldn't tolerate the kids speaking out like we do here. It would have been "Go to your room!" But thankfully now we all have a backbone and when something strikes us as simply wrong we can speak out and not remain a bunch of whimpering little jellyfish. In case you're wondering, I had a few "incidents" way back then but I am grateful my parents didn't take the hairbrush to my rear end! They were pretty decent, all things considered, as I recall, but there was still that "raised in the Depression era" mentality. Even so I feel that we must speak out against unjustified abuse and punishment!

 

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Billliveshere: The word you are looking for is misogyny. Neanderthal works, too. We're going to have about 2 1/2 months of it, every day in the news. Some woman bought it. Some had no choice. Some became suffragettes and feminists. One took people for trips on the underground railroad. One got the non-discrimination clause in the Alaska law books 20 years before the Federal one.
You can blame the texts, some: It was in print, popular press and medical texts.
Even today, Shaming is a technique - a cruel one. See all the stories about bulling on the internet, and trolling.
And some men never grew up. (See Piaget's "The Moral Judgement of the Child".)
Don't know if you remember it, but there was the story of growing hair on your palms and going blind.... Applied to boys, only, I think. There was probably a girl's equivilent.

 

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Right on, @AlasSouth! WE are going to have another 2.5 months of it in the news and that's the thing the immediately occurred to me when you said the word, "misogyny!" But shaming is a never-ending problem it seems. To me it is sad that some men never do grow up and that attitude is conveyed to the affected child. Still a huge problem indeed!
Yes I do remember the bit about growing hair on your palms and going blind.