Archives1
Staff member
I've been visiting here every day for a couple years, posted once in a while, feel like I've met a few friends and am finally feeling somewhat comfortable talking openly. So, here are my current musings regarding my issues. I usually don't say much but have been thinking a lot about my situation lately.
The past year, I have about one dry morning a month. Increasing problems during the day. I try, when I'm at home to not wear, so my bottom can get some air time though, which is very important.
I normally have a fair amount of time to think at night, but my mind was occupied last Sunday, while working at my homestead, where I live year round. I was cutting firewood for the coming Winter, which seems to have already arrived.
Basically, thinking about what to be thankful for (it is Thanksgiving month) and how I may have actually grown, emotionally, spiritually and mentally, due to having to deal with incontinence.
For me, I have grown because of it. I never would have thought I'd have had the internal strength to be able to deal with this. I realize others have incontinence to a greater degree than me. But, I have accepted this thinking, "If this is the worst God gives me to deal with, I accept the deal".
I know some have such a hard time accepting it, even though they really have no choice, due to an accident or such.
Mine could be caused by a number of things or a combination of them.
I was in a snowmobile accident 25 years ago, where I ran into a creek and came to a very sudden stop. So hard the frame of the snowmobile was bent between the gas tank and engine. My hips hit the handlebars so hard the bar post was bent. I walked away without apparent problems. Strong hips I guess, but not a strong bladder years later? Lol.
We pulled the machine out and I drove it back 10 miles to the next town. Went to the E-room and everything was apparently ok, but I still wonder about a lower spinal injury, but this started about 16 years afterward.
I also wet my pants and bed when I was a kid, so it could be that it's just coming back.
I experienced a really horrible divorce 20 years ago and the stress over the years has really taken its toll on me, which I think plays a major role in this.
And finally, 6 years ago, I had a serious neurological issue that they never could seem to diagnose. My left side, one area at a time, just quit working or was numb or in burning pain. Right side was without any issues.
Went on for 7 months. One month I was having trouble walking even with a cane in the house. It eventually went away on its own and "Thank God" has not come back....yet. I still wonder about relapsing/remitting MS.
I think basically, the insurance company said, we've had enough, no more.
I've always wondered how some people accept it and deal with it and some people "wither and die" and can't seem to come to terms with it. By accepting it and just agreeing to manage it by wearing diapers, I get to go to work and maintain a regular job and life.
I guess I look at 4 options.
1. Just don't do anything and go about in society with pants wet possibly down to my knees.
2. Stay home chained to a toilet.
3. Bullet in my head?
Really don't like any of the previous options.
4. Diaper up and go to work, live my life. I'll choose this option, very happily.
By choosing to wear diapers, I get to go to work, shopping, etc, live a pretty regular life and enjoy all that I did before this started 9 years ago. It's taken that long to get to this point of acceptance and I do.
I have a job that involves a lot more labor than most people could do, especially at near 60 years old. 5'9" tall and 155#. I work at a sawmill less than a mile from home, for a guy that I consider the best friend I've ever had. I catch and edge lumber, shovel sawdust and drive heavy equipment. I love it.
And Yes!, it is a choice, based on the circumstances you are given. Unless you choose to go the route of the questionable procedures or drug side effects, I guess. I don't.
I guess time, over the years, does equal acceptance. I think we all go through different stages of accepting/dealing with this. Some faster than others.
I'm at the point that I don't really go out of my way to do everything I can to hide my diaper lines beneath my pants. I certainly don't deliberately show that I'm wearing one! I wear appropriate clothing, loose carpenter's jeans, untucked longer shirts, etc. But I've gotten to the point that if someone were to notice, I really don't care.
I hope this helps someone move along their path to accepting this.
Apologies for it being long. I don't say much, but when I have something to say....I do.
The past year, I have about one dry morning a month. Increasing problems during the day. I try, when I'm at home to not wear, so my bottom can get some air time though, which is very important.
I normally have a fair amount of time to think at night, but my mind was occupied last Sunday, while working at my homestead, where I live year round. I was cutting firewood for the coming Winter, which seems to have already arrived.
Basically, thinking about what to be thankful for (it is Thanksgiving month) and how I may have actually grown, emotionally, spiritually and mentally, due to having to deal with incontinence.
For me, I have grown because of it. I never would have thought I'd have had the internal strength to be able to deal with this. I realize others have incontinence to a greater degree than me. But, I have accepted this thinking, "If this is the worst God gives me to deal with, I accept the deal".
I know some have such a hard time accepting it, even though they really have no choice, due to an accident or such.
Mine could be caused by a number of things or a combination of them.
I was in a snowmobile accident 25 years ago, where I ran into a creek and came to a very sudden stop. So hard the frame of the snowmobile was bent between the gas tank and engine. My hips hit the handlebars so hard the bar post was bent. I walked away without apparent problems. Strong hips I guess, but not a strong bladder years later? Lol.
We pulled the machine out and I drove it back 10 miles to the next town. Went to the E-room and everything was apparently ok, but I still wonder about a lower spinal injury, but this started about 16 years afterward.
I also wet my pants and bed when I was a kid, so it could be that it's just coming back.
I experienced a really horrible divorce 20 years ago and the stress over the years has really taken its toll on me, which I think plays a major role in this.
And finally, 6 years ago, I had a serious neurological issue that they never could seem to diagnose. My left side, one area at a time, just quit working or was numb or in burning pain. Right side was without any issues.
Went on for 7 months. One month I was having trouble walking even with a cane in the house. It eventually went away on its own and "Thank God" has not come back....yet. I still wonder about relapsing/remitting MS.
I think basically, the insurance company said, we've had enough, no more.
I've always wondered how some people accept it and deal with it and some people "wither and die" and can't seem to come to terms with it. By accepting it and just agreeing to manage it by wearing diapers, I get to go to work and maintain a regular job and life.
I guess I look at 4 options.
1. Just don't do anything and go about in society with pants wet possibly down to my knees.
2. Stay home chained to a toilet.
3. Bullet in my head?
Really don't like any of the previous options.
4. Diaper up and go to work, live my life. I'll choose this option, very happily.
By choosing to wear diapers, I get to go to work, shopping, etc, live a pretty regular life and enjoy all that I did before this started 9 years ago. It's taken that long to get to this point of acceptance and I do.
I have a job that involves a lot more labor than most people could do, especially at near 60 years old. 5'9" tall and 155#. I work at a sawmill less than a mile from home, for a guy that I consider the best friend I've ever had. I catch and edge lumber, shovel sawdust and drive heavy equipment. I love it.
And Yes!, it is a choice, based on the circumstances you are given. Unless you choose to go the route of the questionable procedures or drug side effects, I guess. I don't.
I guess time, over the years, does equal acceptance. I think we all go through different stages of accepting/dealing with this. Some faster than others.
I'm at the point that I don't really go out of my way to do everything I can to hide my diaper lines beneath my pants. I certainly don't deliberately show that I'm wearing one! I wear appropriate clothing, loose carpenter's jeans, untucked longer shirts, etc. But I've gotten to the point that if someone were to notice, I really don't care.
I hope this helps someone move along their path to accepting this.
Apologies for it being long. I don't say much, but when I have something to say....I do.
Hugs!