Other people noticing

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I went to work yesterday as i normally do wearing a megamax brief, garywear PUL pants and a onzie. I work in facility maintenance at a detention center for juveniles(i also cover facility maintenance at the local morgue). After work i told my grandmother is refuel her car. After paying for and pumping the gas, I returned to the clerk to get the change. While standing in line at the busy gas station, i overheard the person behind me make a comment but didn't genuinely hear what he said, the guy behind him makes a statement that that is going to require baby wipes. It was at this point that I knew he was talking about me. Mortified i didn't say anything in response about suffering from medical issues, I wanted to but chose to just remain silent. I got my change and embarrassingly left the gas station. My work pants are loose fitting and generally cover a decent amount of bulk from higher absorbency protection. People notice more than you think and some people think so little of themselves that they feel it necessary to attempt to bring down others around them.

It has been bugging me since yesterday so I decided to pay about it here today. Be careful out there and realize that some people will make fun of anyone for any reason. I could have avoided this embarrassing situation by changing into a clean, lower asborbancy product(I currently have tranquility ATN'S for times i might need some protection but will have plenty of time to change).

 

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Hi @deraven82, So what business is it of those clowns standing behind you in line what you're wearing??? You're doing what's best for you and you're handling your situation as you see fit. You're not doing it to please anybody else. After all, you didn't ask for a consultation from them. They definitely need to get a life and not pay attention to yours! You are in no way beholden to them. Simply put, you're not the one with a problem, they are!!! And chances are, you won't ever see them again in your life!!
It's good you came here to discuss it. This is the place to be to discuss such issues.
Also, if you use a debit or credit card you can pay at the pump and not have to put up with such tomfoolery!

 

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I always pay with the cashier, even with a debit card because scammers aren't likely to rig the card machine in front of the cashier. Plus I was paying with cash because I was filling someone else's car up. The worst part was that I was still in my work clothes on which have my first name and the county I work for on them...

 

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deraven82 - I'm so sorry you had to deal with the fallout of some people's bad manners. My mother taught me how to deal with people like that - turn to look them straight in the eye and smile real big. That often works. However once when I turned to look at a big burly man who made a caustic remark behind my back, he would not look at me. That said enough about him!

 

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The truth is only you can let yourself be embarrassed or bothered by what someone says. I guarantee if you looked directly at them they would've shut up. They sound very mentally immature, and honestly if they are so focused on you during this pandemic, they probably have NO life. Even if they remember the details you've described, most people forget things at a rapid pace in our ever moving society.

 

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Hi @deraven82, I agree totally with @ICGamer! Those clowns are very immature and really don't warrant a second thought by you. And they won't remember anything about you and would not remember your first name as it appeared on your uniform and they have no idea whatsoever what division of the county you're working in.
So please do yourself a favor and just let this incident slide! I also liked @ritanofsinger's advice to just look at them and give them a big smile. And to add to that, tell them to "have a nice day!"
That would disarm them!!

 

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I had my one and only surprise bowel incontinence accident in public. It was sudden, wet, and dripping out the back of my camo slacks, even though I did have a pad on at the time. My great PT noticed it and helped me get into my wheelchair to exit as quickly as possible. And he probably had to clean up my mess!! Better to "mess up" around someone you probably can avoid for the rest of your life. And thank God for PT's like mine.
Try to let it go, and don't give yourself a hard time because you didn't get changed, etc. We are all human and imperfect. I hope those guys you encountered grow up and understand that sooner rather than later.

 

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Physical therapists are, like most in health care, very special people and they expect things like that to happen. After all, we are only human and like you say, nobody's perfect. If they were then you wouldn't be able to stand such a person for even one minute!!
Those who think things like what we go through are funny will have their comeuppance one day!!! And when the shoe is on the other foot it's a really tight fit!!! (I know, old cliché again!)

 

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Hi all and I just want to throw out this idea and see if it resonates with you.

For myself in the beginning when wearing I finally realized I was hypersensitive to everyone around me, are they talking about me, did they hear the crinkle, oh I think they just made fun of me but I wasn’t quite sure if I heard them properly etc.

However, once I accepted I truly needed to wear for my own comfort, not worrying about whether I make it or not. Wow what a relief mentally I realized. I honestly looking back 90-95% of the time it was just my brain making a stress ball out of myself and just creating false realities. Basically in the end we all need to learn to love ourselves the way we are with all the imperfections and truly accept ourselves. Once I truly did that what a huge relief, I honestly didn’t realize how much stress and how much I was truly beating my own self up. We are truly our own worst enemies and need to give ourselves love and appreciation just the way we are! I know it sounds so easy but really to truly reflect in the mirror looking at oneself and talk to oneself with kindness, acceptance, and not judge ourselves. Wow what a difference but it makes

 

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Sorry hit the wrong button to early lol.

And the reason I thought to mention it is as Deraven82 is you said you weren’t quite sure if he said that behind you in the line up.

And if he was one of the rare aholes that exist what I get true comfort in is I know without a doubt Karma is a true bitch and she will make them pay far worse than you could ever imagine.

And I rest truly well as I have already seen a few blatant examples in my life already. Lol

I truly hope this post helps someone.

With love from my heart.

No one wants to mess with the powers that be in our universe.

Jason

 

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HI @Jwh51, I think the way you were feeling when you first began to do something about incontinence with what you wore is perfectly normal and it has happened to all of us. But as time goes on you realize, as we all did, that it's only you who was thinking those thoughts that "I'm sure everybody knows what I'm wearing. And it's like they have X-ray vision!"
And really, nothing is farther from the truth!!! You, as we all do, realize that what you wear is for your own comfort and peace of mind.
You aren't concerned about others. You're doing it for your own comfort and not somebody else's. They don't need to get involved.
We are who we are and that cannot be taken away from us! And as that popular saying goes, "it is what it is!"
And unfortunately there will always be someone around to "gum up the works" and for no reason whatsoever try to give you a hard time and ridicule you for your choice. Said person doesn't even know you and chances are you won't run into him again!!
And I do believe that Karma exists and that those tiny-minded little people will ultimately dance to Karma's tune!! So just keep on doing what you're doing as you know you're doing right by and for yourself!

 

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I just got off the bus from a trip to Starbucks. I noticed my diaper was showing (I did a quick dash out of the house and only put on a pair of pul pants and a MegaMax. Didn’t bother with a onesie.) folks on the bus were laughing. Were they laughing at me? I don’t know. But why stress over something like that. I’m in a wheelchair and am missing a leg. People stare at me/make comments for that too. There is a saying “what other people think of me is none of my business.” I think that applies here.

 

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HI @justej, I have never heard that saying but boy is it a good one! Yes that does apply here and if more people would remember that saying then I think that will go a long way toward feeling secure about oneself!

 

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The lesson I learned from this experience is that I should change my protection before I leave work. I've recently bought some booster pads and tranquility ATN'S that I'm going to be utilizing as an in between my time at work and my shower time. This will greatly reduce the visible bulk. I'm still a fairly young man, late 30's. I'm still young enough to have some care about my appearance and what and how other people perceive me. Just because a product boasts about their absorbancy doesn't mean I should wantonly utilize that product to its maximum.

 

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EJ - Glad to hear you do business with Starbucks. My granddaughter - the Barista - worked there today until 7pm then got a big sackful of past inventory dated rolls, bread etc. She gave a bunch to some homeless people under the I40 underpass and took a bunch to her boyfriend, his brother and their cousin and still brought home enough to last all three of us probably into next week. I'll have to freeze some of it for sure.

Let's think "high road" thoughts and presume that those folks were telling jokes and not laughing at you. I doubt they even noticed what you were wearing. I can't imagine people being so unkind that they would laugh at a disabled person.

 

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Hi @justej, I like @ritanofsinger's post right above and agree 1000 percent! If you were in a wheelchair I wonder how they could even perceive what you were wearing underneath? They would have really had to take the time to look closely at you to determine that. But most importantly, if they were intent on going somewhere and doing whatever it was they were doing, then why would they take the time to figure out what you were wearing? I agree that they must have been telling jokes and talking about where they were or where they were going to.
And I also find it hard to believe and imagine someone would be so boorish and ill-mannered to laugh at someone in a wheelchair!
And we'll continue to think as you do with "what other people think of me is none of my business!"
I hope you feel better having read everybody's thoughts here!

 

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I think there is a bizarre societal problem with incontinence and it is a two way street unfortunately. Some people enjoy wearing diapers/pullups for non-medical purposes, and this can make some people assume its for other reasons besides what they need. This for me is exactly why I make sure what I wear looks medical, people can be weird about things like this unfortunately. The other issue is incontinence is stigmatized, stupidly. I wish someday it wouldn't be, since it isn't a choice, and is no different from wearing glasses. US society seems to be focused on not showing weakness from what I have seen and this is part of the problem.

The other expectation I have found to be abhorrently stupid is that young people don't get medical issues. I have had incontinence since my mid 20s and I know bedwetting runs in my family, as do other bladder issues. When I tell anyone I have medical issues, they act like I am crazy. There seems to be a fantasy in peoples brains of "only old people get sick" which isn't true. The disease going around is proof of that.

 

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People would surprise you. Especially in cities like dc. It’s been voted one of the most unkind places in the us. And regarding how they would have seen: either when I bent over in my chair or was wheeling on and off the bus and was bent forward to propel my chair. I had one lady go off on me once because she was standing in the sidewalk ramp and I kindly said “oh excuse me” because I didn’t want to run her over! She started screaming at me and told me that I deserved to be in a wheelchair. People are crazy and I pay them no mind.

 

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Hi @ICGamer, that was perfectly said and I agree 1000 percent!! The U.S. today is so focused on how wrong it is to show any kind of weakness and anything else that is not perfect! I, too, wish that incontinence isn't so stigmatized and that people could treat it no differently from wearing glasses or using a cane or whatever you need to help live life better.
You're right in that it's not really a choice just like the need to have glasses isn't a choice. Those are the cards we were dealt. Well actually when you think about it, there is a choice, which is, do you want to see or not? Do you want to risk going around with wet spots on your clothes or not?
And that's just what wearing incontinence undergarments does. It helps us live our lives better and helps us stay in the mainstream and not have to feel isolated from society as a whole. And we are more comfortable wearing what we need to wear because the alternative of not providing for our needs is unacceptable for us.
As for the notion that younger people shouldn't have medical issues is also baloney! If you're old enough to have a heart, you're old enough to be susceptible to heart conditions. If you're old enough to have a urinary tract you're also old enough to be susceptible to urinary conditions. That's just a part of life and being human. And no matter what our age, we deal with it the best way we can.
And if you tell people you have a medical condition and they think you're crazy, then it's not your doing, it's their problem. They need to be educated in -----well, just being human!!! And people of all ages getting sick or disabled or having needs should not be seen as a fantasy. It is stark reality. And nothing could be more stark and more reality than that disease that's making the rounds now!
And @justej, It's probably true that D.C. has been voted one of the most unkind places in the U.S., but unfortunately that is true of just about any urbanized place you could name. There are so many unkind people, no matter where you look, that I don't think any one place has the corner on the "unkind place" market.
And having seen your explanation here I can now understand how it would have been possible for someone to see but a true lady or gentleman would not have paid it any mind. Unfortunately that's the reality of the age we live in now even though we weren't brought up that way.

 

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So true @ICGamer.

It is a sad irony that both the condition of incontinence and the products that manage the condition are each triggers for a person to suffer stigma.

And the stigma runs deep. I can't see how it will ever change.