Mom at loss - trying to help 16 year old daughter

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My daughter has suffers from Nocturnal Enuresis. She had went a couple months at a time dry and we think it's done and then bam, she is wet. We have went to multiple urologist, chiropractors, acupuncture, therapy, multiple alarms, medicine. The last we tried is putting her on the pill hoping to get her cycle regulated and that would help - no that hasn't helped.
As a mother it breaks my heart - I am supposed to fix things and find answers, this is something I can not fix!!! Every Dr. and therapist just ends our visits with - it's ok you will grow out of it. Well since she clearly remembers hearing that for atleast 10 years she breaks down emotionally as soon as those words are said. She will be leaving for college in less than 2 years. Any advise on good specialists, therapists, etc....
 
Have you seen a uro-gynecologist who specializes in adolescent incontinence? If you are near a major city, try contacting the local children's hospital. (google adolescent urology) They should be able to help diagnose a cause that will help dictate an appropriate treatment. You don't mention the cause in your post and that is really important. They( should also (in theory) understand the strong emotional and psychological issues here and be able to help physically and emotionally. While I know it's not a perfect solution, she can certainly wear protective undergarments at night once she leaves for college which should help with privacy.
 
No we have not seen a uro-gynocologist! I am researching that now! If anyone out there has recommendations - I will take 'em. We don't know a cause. They have never found a cause for it - just that she will outgrow it.
Thanks for your suggestion!!
 
I don't know where you are in the US however I'd strongly suggest a large pediatric hospital or a major academic hospital. They usually will have a large urology / uro-gynecology practice and will have one or two docs who specialize in this. They'll certainly know the diagnostic tests to run so it will at least be a good start. We had an issue like this years ago with my son (he was 8 or 9). Everyone kept telling us "he'll out grow it" too but finally we connected with the specialist and once we had the issue identified, we suddenly had hope and a clear treatment path.
 
First thing: your daughter is not broken and doesn’t need a fix. I know you didn’t mean it like that, but I had to say it just in case.

Second: more than half of what you listed is useless. Chiropractors are quacks, acupunctur is scientifically proven to not work, etc

As Jsssss recommended, take her to a Uro-gynecologist. They have the benefit of an education, science, and technological means at their hands. In the mean time get her some decent night diapers like the NorthShore brand. Assure her that it’s ok and there is nothing wrong with her or using diapers, just as it’s ok for someone to use a crutch for a broken leg.
 
Spaz,
I loved that you said: "just as it’s ok for someone to use a crutch for a broken leg"
that was comforting.
 
Hello from one mother to another. I understand your sadness. In addition to what the posters here are suggesting, you might want a phone consultation with the place we started with in July. We’ve had more dry nights, and the center’s belief is that some children and teenagers have a deep-sleep issue.

I hope I’m not breaking any rules by posting this link, but I’m posting it in case it helps. I know what that feeling as a parent is.

Effective Doctor-Recommended Bedwetting Treatment

Science-based therapy that permanently ends bedwetting. Doctor referred treatment program. Schedule your consultation today. No obligations.
nobedwetting.com nobedwetting.com
 
Spaz while I appreciate your candor...we actually have seen much success in Chiropractic care for several issues and acupuncture is a personal choice. A family found success and we wanted to try it.
MrganS. Thank you. I joined this to look for additional ideas and avenues to explore.
My daughter is not broken and I have never made her feel that way but when she has an issue and wants an answer to fix it I as a parent want to provide that answer and solution.
 
My heart truly goes out to you and your daughter. Thank God she has a mother like you. I cannot offer much medically speaking, but about the diapers I can. It's not a fix. It's a necessity until the fix if it can be fixed. Please look up these diapers. Rearz princess, rearz seduction (black), rearz rebel and rearz safari. They are spendy but worth it. No leaks. But the best part is that they aren't your normal white diaper. The rebel has skulls and crossbones. The seduction is all black. The princess is pink for girls. The safari is animal print if she's into animals and stuffed animals. It might help out the feeling of wearing "baby diapers". We've all been through that bit.
 
Hi,

This is actually my first post on this site. I'm a 22 year old female university student who has lived with nocturnal enuresis my entire life - persistent nocturnal enuresis, I believe is the term.
As disappointing as it may be, there may not be a solution yet. There wasn't for me.

My parents were well-intentioned - they tried everything for me, alarms, pills, doctors, testing, restrictions, and nothing ever took. Looking back on it now, I'm actually quite bitter about how it impacted me. I had to stop drinking at 6 or 7pm, would wake up in a panic too late for the alarm, never went to sleepovers... It was traumatic.

They and my (ill-informed, disinterested) doctor were specifically against overnight protection - the idea was that I wouldn't learn to be responsible. In reality, that is often the best choice.

Truthfully, given that she is 16, it is unbelievably unlikely to resolve itself for her. The stats just aren't in her favor. She's going to have a hard time for a while yet. You have to work around your NE and that can be frustrating and difficult.
From your post, it seems like a lot of the diagnostic tests have been done already. Typically, adult and teen NE isn't because of a physical problem, as it's often found earlier. It's not impossible, but unlikely.

Part of the challenge for me at the same age was accepting what I have and learning to live with it. I don't let it stop me. I'm nearly always dry, save a few random nights, a lot like your daughter, and my NE has actually improved over the years. I lived in my university residence for a few years without too much worry. I bought a very good waterproof mattress pad and found myself okay nearly every time. If I stay somewhere else, I use overnight protection. Life isn't going to end for her, and it can be made to barely have an impact on your daughter. One of my fears was having a boyfriend and what would happen, but I have one now, and while we haven't discussed it fully, he knows. It didn't stop us.

I know and completely understand what you want to do for your daughter. You want to solve the problem she's facing - you want to help because she's your kid and you want the best for her. Ask her what she wants to do. The reaction to the "you'll grow out of it" rings familiar to me, and all I wanted was to end the constant work I was put through. She may want to keep going, but it's valuable for her to make that decision and to do her own research as well as you. It helped me feel like it wasn't my fault and that I wasn't the only one - in fact, it helped me see that I still had a future and NE wasn't going to ruin my life.

Good luck to you, I hope for the best for you and your daughter.
 
I completely understand your strong desire to help your daughter, and the disappointment in not being able to fix her NE. I would offer that you have taken appropriate steps in trying to determine cause and possible cures. In seeking medical support you have presumably ruled out the serious illness side of the NE. You could embrace that as a positive rather than a failure. I completely understand the frustrations of not knowing the cause of or how to fix a condition. As KMW said above, this is the type of condition that may not have a definitive cause and hence the "she will grow out of it" from doctors. Another approach might be to accept the condition and take steps to manage it. This can be very powerful for both of you. It sounds like your daughter's NE is so sporadic that you almost forget it is there. If that is the case, it could easily be managed with a good mattress protector and a re-usable bed pad either above or below her sheets. They are discreet and give the piece of mind that an accident will be that much easier to deal with. Absorbent products are certainly available, but I would see that as an option for more cronic accidents, like multiple times per week. Empowering your daughter with possible management strategies, may help both of you.

Best of luck.
 
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