Dear Zoe,
It sounds like you would be better off not to do the Kegels, since that is aggravating the pelvic area. I hope you have tried using replaceable pads in your underwear (briefs only), such as Depend Guards (or other brands as well). I had a radical prostatectomy in 2002 and have had some incontinence ever since, even though the surgeon tried to spare my nerves. When you have a prostatectomy you lose one of the two sphincters on the bladder outlet that shuts off the flow of urine when not urinating. This leaves you with just the sphincter that is at the base of the bladder to hold back the urine. Experts say it can take up to a year after the operation before you get incontinence under control, and there will be 5% or so that never do without the aid of other devices.
I have had to use male guard pads in my briefs ever since 2002. My incontinence was due to the same cause as yours: STRESS incontinence, meaning it came about through activity, as you mention happens when you walk. If I sit and read, I do not leak much. From 2002 to 2005 my leakage amounted to about 2 pads per day. At that point I had to have a back operation, and before the operation began they couldn't insert the catheter so they had a urologist come to the hospital and enlarge my bladder opening. Following that operation, my incontinence increased to 4-5 pads a day. After putting up with that for a few years I decided to get an Artificial Sphincter installed, to see if I could get nearly dry. The surgeon who did the installation had not done enough of these operations to be expert at it, and he cut my urethra, and so one month later he had to remove all the hardware he had so patiently installed. Since 2010 I have used male guards in my briefs, not wanting to have any more operations to reduce the flow. (The other option would have been the male Advance Sling operation, which is for men with less than 4-5 pads per day use.) (If you ever decide to get an artificial sphincter or Advance Sling installed, BE SURE to find a surgeon who does many of these operation each year - not 2 or 3.)
If you have used pads and don't like that method of retention, there are several male condoms that can be used which catch the urine in a bag or reservoir on your leg. They go by the names of Bioderm, Afex, and Liberty 3.0. You can Google info on them.
There are other things that can aggravate your incontinence, like what you eat or drink, and when you drink. Also keep your bowels moving easily, since straining can weaken the pelvic floor.
It is interesting that some men can live with using 2-3 pads per day and not be bothered by it, while others just can't stand it and must have either a sling or artificial sphincter installed. We are all different.
Hope this helps.
Swanee
