Getting it on?

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I find incontinence has another side effect...major turn off. Dribbling, leaking, squirting and/or gushing while trying to have sex is taking it's toll. It's difficult enough hoping Cialis will help with an erection. I am starting to consider celibacy as a new way of life but my wife isn't as keen.
I have voided my bladder, laid out towels, lubricated, masturbation, oral sex, gotten my wife super wet before entering but I haven't been able to avoid leaks when stimulated or during orgasm. It's like I have no control. My wife makes the odd comment so now I am so self conscious that I am giving up hope.
I am hopeful to get better control of my pelvic floor to avoid these un-invited leaks to regain my sex life.
Am I overthinking my issues or is there something that might help?

 

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Sounds very familiar. Interested in comments. I talked to my surgeon APRN about this issue yesterday. She said yes unfortunately that is a problem for some men. Told me to keep up the kegels because they can help. Also mentioned one medication that questionably shows improvement for some men.

 

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If you haven't already, try and find a physical therapist that specialises in the pelvis and can tailor a pelvic floor exercise program for you.

 

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Kingryan1 -- I don't think you're overthinking. If you're overthinking then so am I. Have you had Pelvic Floor P.T. yet? I recommend that. Both my husband & I have OAB. My husband taking Cialis-type med. Getting somewhat of an erection. Wants me to give him head to see if he can get a better one. Problem: This will probably make me want to pee. So worried & anxious about it! Of course will pee b4 we try that!! I'm just apprehensive!!! Well, don't know what will happen until we actually do it.

 

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Met with urology surgeon recently, and he said for some men a sling procedure can help with this problem. That's not why I went to see him, and it's not the only reason to have a sling, but it is an added benefit if you are a good candidate anyway. He says I am a good candidate for excellent outcome based on my status of 1 pad or less a day for leaking (excludes physical stress/excercise where I may still leak, or drinking alcohol where all bets are off b/c of how it affects what muscle and nerve abilities remain).

 

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I agree with pegasis99, you're not overthinking, Kingryan1.

I had BPH taken care of with Green Laser Light surgery last March. Next, I had (just last week) an Interstim neurostimulator implanted. My next appointment is with a urologist who specializes in ED. My wife and I have been celibate for three years. I am so happy she is fine with that!

I'm planning to see a PT specialist for Kegel exercises.

After 50 years of marriage, I'm so glad love conquers sex. I'm still willing and wanting, but just not able right now.

 

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Recommend seeing a hands on pelvic floor physical therapist. After two years of limited progress with legend I have started with a new PT who is focused on stretching and relaxing my pelvic muscles and then doing specific kegel exercises for my situation. Hang in there!

 

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Clean intermittent catheterization?

 

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danzman -- Yes, that sounds like the physical therapist I need. I haven't cared for the 2 therapists I have had. Unimaginative. There's a 3rd P.T. place I can try. Just need a referral.

 

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fleemore -- What does BPH stand for?

 

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I belive everyone's thoughts, feelings, and concerns are of such tremendous value that no unit of measure exists to determine what amount of thought is too much. If I'm really thinking about some issue or concern then it is of importance to me. So I think the greater the level of importance will have a direct effect on the amount of thinking I would give those thoughts.
So then we can come to realize the more we ponder a certain issue the more important it must be to us. If something is important to us than it should have a greater amount of pondering allowed. AKA: if it matters to you than it matters.

 

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I will keep everyone posted on my progress. I had my first session today. My surgeon only cares about getting rid of cancer by removing the prostate. My original physical therapist held discussions and was not hands on. This therapist allocates 90 minutes per session and include intensive (and internal!) pressure. I am focusing on diaphram breathing and stretching. She told me NOT to do anymore kegels until my pelvic muscles loosen and are stretched. Note: my surgeon told me that because I only go through 1-2 pads a day I am not eligible for the male sling surgery (should leak more - 3-4 pads/day). So, this new therapy appears to be my best option.

 

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Interesting how different the opinions are. Mine told me I was ideal candidate to "return to near normal lifestyle". He did a test developed at UTSW in addition to talking about my current needs and daily experiences.

 

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I dont have that same issue but Viagra and also Cialis give me a hangover type of headache. I do hope you get this resolved soon. I was thinking a tight fitting condom might stop the leakage maybe but i really dont know.

 

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Glad to see this issue discussed because it’s a problem that is not addressed enough because of its personal nature. I had the sling procedure and it worked well. 1 to 2 pads per day is the best candidate along with other factors. Sling procedure doesn’t totally solve climatura, but it helps.
Another thought - sex is not just penile penetration. There are many other ways, techniques and sexual aids to please your partner. Often the hardest part is opening up and talking about it.
How these thoughts help some of you.

 

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@pegasi99 BPH stands for Benign prostatic hyperplasia. In my case, it caused urinary tract infections, the urgency to pee, and peeing 4 to 6 times at night. I had 65% of my prostate removed through a surgery called Green Light Laser which took care of that. Hope this helps.

 

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I’ve been basically celibate, for a number of reasons - still sad about ex-husband, live in a place where I don’t like most people, not as skinny as I used to be - but the biggest factors are diapers and pain during intercourse. For a few months each year, I date someone, and during sex, I just can’t handle the post-hysterectomy pain and bleeding, and inability to climax. I still get turned on, but I don’t get wet. My anxiety skyrockets so I just rush the man to get it over with. Then I lay there curled in a ball of pelvic pain, which the guy doesn’t even notice or if he does, he doesn’t care. It hurts for days afterward. Consecutive days of sex are out of the question, pain-wise.

I have resolved that in a few months if/when I feel more comfortable with the new job, I’m going to try to find a boyfriend on an ACES (asexuals, celibates, dating site. Apps include Asexual Cupid, Taimi, and GreySexual (for older asexuals).

It’s not that I’m asexual: I do get turned on. It’s just that it leads to so much physical and emotional pain that I’d rather not have sex. But I am definitely still attracted to men (the ones who don’t watch porn but prefer to live in real life). Even though I’m only 45, I think I’ll try GreySexual because I prefer slightly older men who didn’t learn how to make love from online porn sites; they learned it from real-life loving. Porn is just brutal, painful “sex” has destroyed the love-making skills of men of all ages. Porn weaponizes sex, it doesn’t represent love-making nor even normal sex. Older men actually understand romance and intimacy. They’re also more likely to tolerate disability and poor medical health as they have probably have experienced some themselves by now.

I crave being held and holding hands and being accepted. I also crave adoring someone, being their safe harbor in the tempest of life’s endless sea storms. I don’t crave partnership any less than I ever did. I’ve just been talking myself out of it for most of the past seven years. But I know I deserve to be loved, and someone deserves my love, so I will try the ACES thing.

Plus, affording to live alone as a single woman is a very costly endeavor. It’s bad for your health and safety and it costs wayyyyyyyyyy too much money!

 

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YIKES! I hope you can find helpful medical care, including a competent, compassionate doctor and specialized pelvic floor muscle physical therapist. They are out there. Keep looking!

 

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fleemore -- Thanks for explaining BPH to me.

 

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snow -- You are a very attractive woman, judging by your picture. What a nice smile you have. Are you saying you would like to have a man living with you to share expenses? Are you using Estradiol cream to lubricate your vagina? This also helps with OAB. I use it. It might help with painful intercourse. I don't know from personal experience, as my husband & I haven't reached that point just yet. We have yet to try oral sex, as you know.