Feeling Weird about my incontinence

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I have been wearing pull up diapers 24/7 for almost a year but I still feel kind of weird knowing I will probably need to wear diapers the rest of my life. My wife supports me because she knows it is a medical condition that I did not ask for or bring on myself. It is now medically necessary for me to wear diapers. My wife is accepting of it but she does not participate in my diaper changing and other care. She would if I absolutely needed her too but I take care of my own incontinence at this time. Did anyone else feel weird about wearing diapers full time when you first started? How did your significant other or family react? My wife, my mother and father in law and of course my doctors know I wear diapers but I have not told my parents, sister or others of my immediate family. Not sure how they would react, especially my psrents. Thoughts or Suggestions.

 

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My wife was brilliant when I became incontinent to the point of needing protection al the time. At first I was ashamed and paranoid people would notice. My wife told me to stop worrying and wear a nappy and get on with my life. She told me it didn't bother her that I was incontinent and if anyone had a problem with it then it was for themo deal with.
Seven years on and I am totally at ease with being in adult nappies 24/7 and don't see it as a problem any more. Maybe a slight inconvenience now and then but no big deal. My close friends and family are not bothered by it at all.
My incontinence is incurable and I will be this way for the rest of my life but I could have lost my sight or not be able to walk so really My wife was right it isn't a big problem. You just have to accept it that's all.

 

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Hey Steve, you're right about how it could be so much worse. I remind myself that if I had lost my sight - or a limb- both of which were possibilities - I still wouldn't be used to it -and it has been almost 30 years. I had problems with the control of my bladder from the time of my injuries and I already knew about diapers and catheters because I had worked with physically disabled people, so I guess I thought of it as I did about the cast on my leg- it was a medical need. As well, I had a lot more to worry about at the time- insurance and wcb etc. I didn't know it would be permanent, though. I have lived with it, and life goes on.

 

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I have been wearing Depends for Men (or similar) 24/7 since my prostate cancer surgery two years ago. Yes, it did feel a bit "weird" initially but now it's no big deal and I don't give it any thought. It is just underware. (BTW, I don't call them diapers. They aren't.) My leakage is now to the point where I could probably get by with just a pad. However, I found pads to be uncomfortable and hard to keep in place. So I just use the pull-ups which I think are a lot more comfortable than a pad. I have about 90% control so I can usually get by using only one or two pull-ups in the day and one at night. I leak more when I am active so on those days I usually have to change in the afternoon. Otherwise I may get by with only one per day. My wife is supportive. Frankly the impotence brought on by the prostate cancer surgery was a bigger issue with her than my wearing Depends. Other than my wife, no one else knows I wear Depends. Heck, I even put some boxer briefs over top and change into work-out clothes in the gym. Unless someone is really staring at me, they can't tell. And if they are staring at me, they have more issues than I do.

 

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@mhart82

I totally get it. While I do not have day issues, I do occasionally wet my bed. It is soooooooooo awkward and embarrassing to be doing it at my age. But I have learned to live with it and deal with it. Somedays if I wake wet I do get really down on myself and all awkward around my wife about it. But she is so awesome, she is like wash the sheets and your boxers, no big deal. So I totally get the awkwardness of it. Especially when traveling for work and pulling on that Depends Real Fit for bed in the hotel.

But I realize I am not alone. Though we are silent in our so called real world lives, through this forum we know that we are not the only ones.

Stay strong.
JT

 

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It really felt weird at first and I tried to avoid pullups and diapers for a long time--using pads, not very successfully, either. However, with each day I am more and more comfortable wearing protection. Due to the side effect of prostate cancer surgery, I will be in incontinence products for the rest of my life but that prospect seems more and more just my new normal. A lot of this is due to the support of my wonderful wife who even was the one to suggest going to full Depends (vs. pads). A great choice and I am glad that I listened to her. Still, it really did seem strange at first and took a while to adapt but when I did, I threw out my old underwear and have no regrets. Hope it works as well for you!

 

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I have also come to accept that I will be using disposable catheters and protection for the foreseeable future. I have supplies at work and in my car. When I am out and about I carry a small rucksack. I don't think that anyone notices. Like Oakie I also have impotence, I think that this bothers me more than the OAB and consequent leaks, Phil

 

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When my incontinence started along time ago tried everything nothing worked well so wound up in diapers to control things wife is ok with it but you don,t come to terms overnight.

 

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@jdtat I gave up on pads too, too many leaks. It is embarrassing in our society, but I think it helps to see it as a medical issue and not as a personal failing.

 

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The part that gets me is when I'm talking to people that don't know about me needing briefs and they talk down about others who are incontinent. That's when I wish I didn't need protection because what if they found out about me.

 

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@oakie Yes there is that other side effect of our prostate cancer surgeries. For me, the ED has been complete in the 4 years since the surgery. I have a very loving wife and you adapt.
Forums like this are a great help because we all can hear from others in similar situations. Incontinent is certainly not a personal failing. I think that society, including many doctors, are too quick to make that kind of judgement. There are, however, many who are more understanding. I was in the hospital 5 months ago for a knee replacement and it was very reassuring how the nurses, my surgeon, and the anesthesiologist were totally accepting and accommodating regarding my incontinence.

 

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I have been wearing pull up diapers 24/7 for almost a year but I still feel kind of weird knowing I will probably need to wear diapers the rest of my life. My wife supports me because she knows it is a medical condition that I did not ask for or bring on myself. It is now medically necessary for me to wear diapers. My wife is accepting of it but she does not participate in my diaper changing and other care. She would if I absolutely needed her too but I take care of my own incontinence at this time. Did anyone else feel weird about wearing diapers full time when you first started? How did your significant other or family react? My wife, my mother and father in law and of course my doctors know I wear diapers but I have not told my parents, sister or others of my immediate family. Not sure how they would react, especially my psrents. Thoughts or Suggestions.

I think you will find that wearing diapers is not as noticeable as your mind thinks. I dont tell anybody except my wife. Its nobodies business except yours and trust me.... nobody is going to notice a diaper under your pants.