Checking In/Physio Embarrassment

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Hey,

Haven’t posted in a while and thought I’d check in with a sort of update. My long-Covid continues to be as debilitating as ever and following a massive relapse I’ve been off sick from work since Easter. Honestly had no idea how I did it for so long to be honest, teaching with a physical disability and incontinence issues was an absolute nightmare. Plus, I wasn’t coping living independently due to my health issues so I’m back home with my mum at the moment.

It’s not all bleak though – I’ve been having physio at my osteopath locally and I can feel myself returning to pre-December levels in terms of fitness although my lungs are still an issue. I’m able to do some exercise with assistance and can feel some strength coming back. I managed to go to London to get my second vaccine shot the other day by myself and whilst it was tiring it did feel like an achievement considering I’ve effectively been housebound for months. Keep hitting brick walls trying to get referred to a long-Covid clinic but still trying – it should be easier once I’m back for good and registered with a GP at my mum’s.

Incontinence issues are as bad as ever unfortunately. If I stay hydrated properly, I’ll inevitably not make it to the toilet in time eventually and the after dribble is a constant annoyance as ever. Interestingly, I was listening to a documentary about long-Covid and one of the people interviewed said he was having bladder issues after developing it. Whilst I’ve always had bladder issues and never been able to stay completely dry it’s definitely gotten a lot worse since developing this and much worse after my suspected second bout back in December.

One thing I’m struggling with is embarrassment at my physio/osteopath appointments. The one I went to near to my work address didn't ask me to get down to my underwear and I'd wear sweatpants. However, the one near my mum's is different. In the past I’ve worn a BetterDry under some boxer briefs but was still crazily self-conscious. I’ve had to stop using BetterDry as they were rubbing like crazy on my thighs and causing big skin issues (really noticed this after switching to them exclusively) and now just use Rearz and Tykables which I’d struggle to fit under regular underwear. I’ve bought some gym shorts to keep over the top. How do people go about this at such appointments? I’m tempted just to say that I have to wear protection due to incontinence and I’d rather keep some shorts on but think I'd lack the confidence to do so. Having said that, the BetterDry were hardly discreet so I imagine it won't come as a shock to him.

 

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Glad you got in touch, I wondered how you were managing as so many of us long term on NAFC we go quiet at times.
I think its perfectly reasonable to say I have a medical incontinence issue and need to wear shorts. You might want to practice saying this at home so it feels natural.
Best wishes for wellness and strength.

 

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I agree, just say it so they understand and know what to expect. Better upfront, that way you eliminate rumor and other crap there and in your life. I never used to say anything about anything before. Now I speak up. Better for me and better for them. honesty is the best. They are a medical facility.

 

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Just tell him. These guys will have seen everything. Best wishes.

 

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Agreed with everyone else. Honestly just say it lol. You have to wear protection due to incontinence issues. You are being your own worst enemy as you are letting thoughts spiral out of control.

It really isn’t a big deal however in your head you are making it a big deal. And believe me I was there at one point too lol. Now I just don’t care and basically just own it. And that was monstrously stress relieving. At least from my own experience in dealing with this stuff. Just food for thought.

And like someone else has said these doctors / physio / massage / counsellors have see it all. Really they are all here to help people. Allow them to help you but to do that you need to be completely honest with them. There in lies the issue.

 

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I know it's embarrassing. But I believe you will feel tremendously relieved when you make the decision to tell them, and even more relieved when you actually do. You can practice with a mirror or with your mum. All the best to you as you make your way through your challenges.

 

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Yeah, I've had to strip down to my protection a few times for things like x-rays or tests with my urologist's office, and sometimes the technicians or nurses are surprised to see someone my age using briefs, but if they ask, I simply tell them it's from a head injury and they usually just say, "Oh, okay." Then the subject is dealt with, and behind us. If you stop to think about it, bladder control problems are as big a problem as we make them. After my accident, I was told that the doctors were considering amputating one of my feet; in the 32+ years since the accident, I've not had problems with that foot, so obviously, I'm glad they didn't move ahead with their plans! I've also had vision problems that no specialist (and I saw EVERY specialist there is in Ottawa) could diagnose, much less treat. Finally, about 2 years ago, my vision started to improve! This, after being told, 30 years before, that any recovery from my concussion would take place in 6 months, or less. Then they started saying, 'Well, maybe up to 24 months, but nothing beyond that...'
All of which is to say that, as debilitating as urinary incontinence IS, I would rather have to wear (and change) special underwear, and to have to explain it occasionally, than have to put on a prosthesis every morning, or deal with vision loss (which did seem a likelihood at times). There are few things I can no longer do - such as swim in a pool or go into a hot tub, but I can still drive, I can still work at most jobs for which I am qualified and my life is as normal as it can be. Incontinence is NOT the worst thing in the world. I just have to remind myself of that every now and then.

 

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Thanks for the replies and support guys!

@Jwh51 Yeah, you're right, I'm building it up too much. I imagine it's been obvious the last couple of times anyway.

 

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@jeffswet I’m an amputee and I’ll say first hand putting a prosthetic on every day is a pain in the butt! But I’ll be honest I’d rather be an amputee than incontinent. But due to luck of the draw I am both! So it is what it is.

To @Sci_Fi_Fan - these folks in the physio field have seen it all. One of my physical therapists saw my diaper when my pants fell down during Pt. Talk about embarrassing! Then I had the SPC tube and my catheter bag fell out of my shorts. Ugh! So yea. Embarrassing things happen and aren’t the end of the world. I was silly enough to think I was the only one in the rehab hospital wearing diapers but there were so many. We definitely aren’t the only ones even though it feels like it.

 

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There is so much wisdom here. My heart feels good just reading your stories.

 

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We have been though a lot, each day is a blessing with it's own challengers.

 

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@jeffswet Yeah, considering people have died from Covid, I'll happily take my current issues over the alternative. Don't think teaching in the state sector over here was really for me anyway and was always considering doing a Master's. The lack of a proper income for a year will be a pain but c'est la vie. If anything, my worsening incon. issues have really put my prior issues in perspective. I didn't know what I was complaining about in hindsight. I was able to get away with much thinner products most of the time before long-Covid.

@justej Sounds like such an embarrassing incident! I guess the only upside was that it was around medical professionals. Re thinking we're the only ones I guess that's it. Being 30, I often think I'm the only one my age in adult nappies because incontinence is seen as something that just affects older people. However, this board has shown I'm not alone and I'm sure plenty of folks my age have to wear them. It's silly really - I'm not overly bothered if it's a doctor/nurse I'm unlikely to see again or a medical professional who's known about my issues from the get go but feel more awkward when it's someone who I've been seeing for a while. I've been going there on and off for years before I started wearing protection. I guess it's far less embarrassing than having an accident or wet spots on my underwear though. I think part of it is still getting used to having worsening issues and needing thicker products. Wearing for after dribble and IBS flare ups but using the toilet normally most of the time felt different psychologically than now where big urinary accidents are the norm. Every time I have a few good days I feel like I'm back to square one.

I also think I've figured out why the BetterDry were causing issues - I was taping them wrong, it's been better since I've been taping the lower tapes around my thighs. Still thinking I'll avoid them in future just in case once I've depleted my pre-existing stock but they are cheaper than products with a similar capacity.

 

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@Sci_Fi_Fan it was! He just turned his head and said “might wanna fix that”. And I replied “yea definitely” and we went about our session. I’m 43 and while I’m older than you I still think of myself as “young enough”. My incontinence started after an accident (I fell down an escalator) so I was only 37 at the time. Definitely feeling like I was too young to be dealing with this. I was dealing with both mobility issues (I had broken my ankle in 4 places then later had my leg amputated) and incontinence and I thought my world was over. Too embarrassed to tell drs and family I was buying attends at the corner pharmacy by my house. I found a different online forum than this one and found the support I needed. I was able to tell my family and some friends and most importantly my doctor. I got a referral to a urologist and after my first amalzing uro left the practice I went to one who was a total dud. Then I got another one who is pretty cool and got the proper testing done and was diagnosed with a paralyzed neurogenic bladder. But yea I get it having to see someone you have seen for a long time then having to disclose you’re incontinent. I’ve been seeing the same physical therapist since my accident and I finally told him. He wasn’t shocked or anything. Just told me he was sorry I was dealing with it. So all that to say it gets easier in time.

 

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Yea, what others have said. Physical therapists have seen it all.

I have had biofeedback pads put between my butt cheeks. Been seen in both a pul-up and a diaper.

And had internal exams (Finger in my butt to check for muscle tone in my rectum) more times than I can count and that is 35-45 minutes like that.

I have had accidents right after the internal exam, had embarrassing tests, and will have some more.

It is nothing new to PT people.

It is embarrassing to you, not them.

The hardest thing for all of us dealing with this is first to forgive ourselves when stuff happens, and second, to just get over it and move foward.

 

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IT is what it is for all of us, I just hate the smell sometimes. I hate getting my panties wet also. But life is what it is.

 

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Bit of an update - had my physio/osteo appointment yesterday and everything went smoothly. Put some gym shorts on under my jeans and in the discussion before treatment about my progress I mentioned that I still have bladder and bowel issues due to Long Covid but the osteopathy has really helped with the IBS - felt much better after that because it explained why I was wearing diapers which must have been pretty obvious the last few times considering all the manipulation he does. Feel much more confident going forward which is good.

Just generally I've also found some brilliant jeans which have a sweatpant waistband which makes it much more comfortable and offers more concealment which has boosted my confidence. Still feeling rough but feel like I'm slowly but surely making progress in terms of my core strength. Having to stay with my father for a week so will have to tell him about the incontinence as I've had to bring a week's worth of supplies. Not looking forward to it but needs must really. Should be the last time in a while thankfully.

Unfortunately in terms of Long Covid as much as I have got some core strength back and have good days the neuro type issues in terms of right side weakness and my worsening bladder/bowel issues are a constant and no one can offer any solutions. Whilst I'm still hopeful for a 'cure' at some point (a potential vitamin B12 deficiency may be an issue so plan on booking an injection) I'm at the stage of adapting rather than getting frustrated. I'm able to use the exercise bike in short bursts and I've been doing some sim racing which has been a surprisingly effective substitute for running. I'm still unable to live independently though which is frustrating but I'm kind of at the acceptance stage with my issues now.

 

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Hey Sci-Fi,
Sorry to hear you are going through all of this, the Covid is enough to take the wind out of the best of us on its own. I know a lot of acceptance is ego based and seeing all of the battles you’ve got going you should be giving yourself a pat on the back, not beating yourself up! You are ZERO-Less of a person because you wear different underwear! Just think of how you’d view the person that didn’t use protection when needed and leaked all over the chair or work out equipment. Wouldn’t you naturally think, why isn’t that person responsible enough to respect our furnishings, fitness equipment, etc.?
Without going into too much I’ve been working with physical therapists of all sorts for years and the good ones have pretty much seen it all, so get that out of your head! They are also taught to let you bring it up as to not cause you anymore discomfort, so unless you bring it up that lead balloon will continue to cause both of you unnecessary anxiety/discomfort.
Give yourself a break, the fact that you’re back on a bike and going for it speaks for itself. My therapists have told me the hardest issue they face with all of their patients is getting them to just show up! The fact you’re there and taking it up a level gives you admiration and respect in their eyes.
I had to get a colonoscopy this week which still brings back memories of the two years of physical therapy that amongst many things allowed me to walk, run (Till I blew my knees out!) and gave me back about 95% of my bowel control, but ZERO bladder control, and tons of pain, spasms etc.
My point is I told them about my bladder and use of diapers to manage it ahead of time on my colonoscopy pre-op phone screen, then again when they handed me the gown and said strip! After getting wheeled in the nurse was having a tough time with the tapes on my Mega Max and laughingly said I bet you don’t have to worry about these falling down when they’re full, these look like they hold a ton! When I woke afterwards (My best sleep in ages!) the nurse thanked me again as apparently drinking 20 gallons of water to clear the pipes the previous two days, my bladder really let loose a few times during the test and after.
I had obviously soaked the pads they put under and around me while I was enjoying the sleep of the Michael Jackson Milkshake! While still in the fog she came in with some fresh pads to make sure I was comfortable. She said to me and my wife, she and the rest of the staff thanked me for my honesty as it saved them what would have surely been quite a mess had I not warned them in advance. When I was finally ready to get dressed I asked the nurse if she could grab my backpack for me, she just pulled out my spare MegaMax and laughed a little and said it must feel like your sitting on a cloud with this one, where did I get it?
My point is it’s most often only as uncomfortable you make it. It’s a hell of a transition to go through and acceptance often comes in bits & pieces, but humor and honesty make it so much easier on everyone involved. Your medical staff is a great place to begin, as they have seen so much, your openness simply adds to your integrity. Best of luck on your journey, remember honesty begins with acceptance of self…

 

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Thank You, great story, acceptance of self is always what it takes.

 

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What a great string of experience and support! Thank you all for your input and being so transparent. All of us need support now and again. This was very refreshing!

 

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I've had a ton of physical therapy and the best bit of advice is joke about it. In my case they already knew based on my medical record what was going on and as I've said a million times, people see us as we see ourselves.
I'd always ask "if this was the session that was going fix my leaky valves". Just make sue you show up early to change so if/when they see your protection it isn't soaked or soiled.