Advice for mothers

[JenniferS]

Hey! I’m new here and I’ve been looking for a support group for mothers with children dealing with bedwetting. So hopefully, I found one!

I have two twin children. One boy and one girl. They are both 13 years old. They have consistently been wetting at night ever since they were kids. There have been times it has gotten better, but it’s never gone away.

They have been to the Doctor (pediatrician) and she wasn’t concerned. She says they’ll grow out of it. She did prescribe medicine that “may” be helpful, but it doesn’t help. At what point is this considered incontinence and something they may have to deal with for the rest of their life instead of simple bedwetting that they will grow out of?

They both hate wearing the diapers/pull ups. And finding them ones that fit is a whole other issue as they grow and get older. My son, especially is the one that I worry about. He seems to take the accidents a lot harder than his sister does.

Any advice or encouragement would be most appreciative! Thanks in advance!

 

[ltapilot]

I'm sorry they've been having to go through that. It's a problem that can be intensely humiliating and isolating, and it happens at a time when they're most vulnerable to feelings of social isolation and ostracization.

It sounds like you're doing the right things. You recognize the impact this is having on them, and you recognize that it's not something they're doing intentionally to seek attention or from laziness. Having strong support from parents can make all the difference in the world.

I'd encourage you to let them take an active role in choosing how to manage the problem. 13 is old enough to be making some of their own decisions, and if they don't want to use pull-ups or diapers, then let them suggest other ways of managing it. If you have a washer and dryer available, you can let them take some of the responsibility for dealing with any laundry that results from poor management choices, though you'd probably do well to make sure that mattresses are protected since they're not washable.

Once your kids are close to adult size, there are all manner of adult incontinence products out there. Some companies, such as Northshore, have diapers available in a variety of colors that may make them seem less embarrassing. There are also all sorts of pull-ups in various absorbencies. You can also get cloth products, such as Ecoable, that may look and feel to your kids less like they're wearing diapers.

I hope you're able to find good management solutions!

 

[JenniferS]

Thank you!

I pretty much let them handle everything on their own. They both have separate rooms. I’ll check their underwear drawers every week and restock them with pull-ups. If during the week they use more than they have in their drawer, they know where I keep them or they can come to me and get some.

They both have plastic sheets on their bed to help protect from leaks that do happen from time to time. Neither of my kids like doing laundry, so that’s something I’ve always done for them however, if they wish to do it, I would be more than willing to let them do it! I hate doing it haha

They are both getting to the ages and weight now where I would like to transition them out of the child or teenage pull-ups, but never been sure where to go. I will look into north shore website! Looks like they have a bunch of stuff there. They are both pretty skinny for their ages so that’s how I’ve been able to keep them in some of the children’s pull-ups for so long.

I also have not discussed the idea of switching up what they wear. They both struggle with change so I might give them different options and let them choose what they want. They are both pretty stubborn so I feel like they’re gonna keep wearing the pull-ups. They’ve been wearing until they physically can’t do it anymore.

 

[Allan_59]

It is good to hear that you allow them to make decisions themselves. It is about growing up and taking responsibility. I would get some samples so they could trial to see if better fit give better security and comfort. I suggested Northshore - they have excellent diapers, but their pull-ups are also great with high absorbency. I have used them in periods and like them. They also come in different colors (black) so they might be a bit more discrete although they are probably a bit thicker/bulkier than the products for smaller kids.

Sizes might be challenge - pull-ups needs to fit, otherwise they will leak. Call customer care, I am sure they can help you with sizes and maybe also other recommendations.

I hope you find a solution - and regardless of your twins being unlucky to be bedwetters, they are lucky to have a mom who go the extra mile to care for them and find solutions, as growing into late teens with a bedwetting issue is not easy. It is exhausting to make beds, do the laundry after two bedwetters, and then it easy to blame them. They are lucky that you understand their struggle and allow them privacy and also an option to decide themselves

 

[Eden98]

Hi, i am not a mother, nor do i have a teenager who wets his bed ( i do have a 13 yo though ) but i was in that situation myself when i was young. I guess it is very encouraging for them that you seek help where possible. In this regard i can not understand a doctor's reaction that they will outgrow it. Though it might be true, and I wouldn't concern too much that this will be a lifelong issue for them, but they do have a problem now that affects their life and that deserves to be taken seriously. As for me, I never went on sleepovers, no school or sports camps.

I would seek a second opinion with a different doctor and seek help from a bedwetting, or drybed center, or however they are called. They treat children and teens and even adults with this issue. These kinds of centers already existed 40 years ago when I was a teen so they have a lot of experience, and a very high success rate. Processes of hormones and muscles are very different during the night and they can monitor and therefore very likely explain why this happens. Sometimes it needs a different sleep or liquid intake pattern, an alarm clock, an alarm that goes off the moment the patient urinates or medication. Unfortunately my parents weren’t as forcoming to address my situation as you are. But as a parent of a 13 yo myself, i know i would do anything if he had this issue to make sure he has carefree teen years

 

[Allan_59]

I agree @Eden98 - I have a son that struggled the same way. We did «everything» - to a point that there wasn’t options left. But for him and for me - we luckily dried up. I fully agree - the emotional stress of my bedwetting crashed my self esteem and have impacted my life. I can talk about in channels like this, but I still find it difficult to admit that I was a bedwetter to friends and family - I spent my youth finding excuses, finding ways to cover my issues, thinking «why me?». I hated the plastic sheet in my bed, I hated diapers, I hated waking up in a wet bed.

My parents were not as «modern» either and thought this could be fixed by myself and I got punished for my wetting. I had some ok periods, with few accidents and then other periods that was really bad - I had several accidents in one night. I was off diapers - and then diapers was brought back as a punishment. That way they became an even worse hated object - and in retrospect, I can easily see that they would have helped me getting less stress and better sleep. I therefore was very cautious never to raise my voice to my son regarding his issues. But as a parent myself, I also have to give it to my parents, it is not easy to tackle and the world has progressed, we know more, we have better products than we had in the old days.

And regardless of everything- I guess bedwetting has occured as long as we have had beds and I never think it will be fully cured - even if I hope.

The worst thing for me, was the feeling that it was only me - so being more open about it, finding good role models who are admitting having the problem is a help. A celebrity like Katy Perry is said to have had quite severe issues in her youth as well.

 

[ThatFLGuy]

My 2cents

First, Just by coming here and asking for advice, you are taking a step in the right direction.

Kids at that age sometimes feel helpless when they are at that age and are not dry at night.

Some doctors will say that they will outgrow it, but that is not always the case. Things like constipation, growth issues, and health can cause bed wetting.

My bed-wetting started after puberty and a bad bicycle accident and never stopped.

A urologist might say, let's do this test, that test, or others. Just know that if you go that way, then the choice needs to be 100% your kids unless it is life-threatening.

I am 40 years old, and I still have trauma from the first urologist that I ever went to as a kid. Some of it I never shared.

As far as products and stuff to keep the bed dry. There is so much on the market these days.

There are even waterproof lined sleeping bags for when kids want to stay at a friends.

No one knows what I got on.

I did a year as a residential college student and until it was have to know. No one knew I had issues.

Feel free to ask anything here.

 

[JenniferS]

Thank you all so much for the help! It’s good to know there’s someplace I can go to get advice. It seems like all of you have experienced incontinence or know someone that has. So you guys can give great insight on what my children may be feeling.

I do sometimes feel bad, not “helping” them when they’ve had an accident. I just want to help jump in and help them get changed or get cleaned up. I realized their 13 years old so they may not want my help anymore. Maybe I just need to ask them if there’s anything I can do to help them out? Me something like a chore they do like doing the dishes is something that I expect them to do on their own. This is something that may affect their life forever and it bothers me that I’m not helping them through it more.

They both currently have rashes and it is 100% because they do not clean themselves properly. When I helped them when they were younger, it was never an issue.

Another issue that has been more prevalent as of late is daytime accidents. They’re always super sporadic or if we’re on a car ride, etc. I’ve given them several pads for their underwear and stuff like that, but when they do have an accident, it always goes through the pad. So those are kind of pointless of my opinion. Any suggestions?

 

[Eden98]

I think any advice from us, with the best intention and support can not help them. Daytime wettings at this age, with this consequenses can not be denied by a doctor and if so you should find one who really wants to help.

 

[Allan_59]

I tend to agree with you @Eden98 - but at the same time, I had not real accidents daytime, but I was always in a hurry - and had anxiety for daytime accidents. Maybe that was strengthened by the shame I felt with my bedwetting. Anyway - being in a big hurry, often led to minor accidents daytime as well.

@JenniferS I would think regular bathroom breaks, and go by the clock more than by feeling is a good advice. Another thing, rashes are bad and should be looked at. I guess that indicated inadequate protection, not bringing the wetness away from the skin.

 

[JenniferS]

They are both really good about using the potty. Even if they don’t have to go. Especially at night the last couple hours before bed. I will make them both sit on the toilet and try to go to the bathroom.

As far as the protection you mentioned. I would assume the pull-up they are wearing pull the dampness away from their body so I would think that wouldn’t be an issue, right?

 

[Allan_59]

I was thinking- you mentioned they were soaked and growing out of what they are using. If the products are filled to capacity the ability to encapsulate the liquid is decreasing, and thereby they are more in contact with the urine. I have experienced that myself - with inadequate capacity…